Alzheimer's Support Groups for Caregivers

Alzheimer's Support: Featured Caregiver Conversations

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Care Transitions: Is it Time for Move from Independent to Assisted Living?

CharD said...

How do I know when it is time to move mom into the assisted side, she is on the independent side at a Senior Living Center. She fell in the shower and broke a rib, has UTI and won't drink water when I tell her to. We do have a caregiver hired to give her her medications and make sure she goes to meals. We have also asked her to help with her showers until her rib heals and the caregiver called me to let me know my mom was sick so I could take her to the doc. The caregiver is very good.

from the Moderate Stage Support Group

CaringDenise said...

Hi CharD, If you're still considering this decision and move...

Please do discuss your concerns and questions with the senior living center team caring for your mom. A geriatric care manager may also assist you in assessing her needs and coordinating care: https://www.caring.com/local/geriatric-care-managers

Here is more information about the differences between independent living, assisted living and nursing home care: https://www.caring.com/articles/residential-care-options-comparison

Here's an overview of the seven best resources for Alzheimer's caregiving help: https://www.caring.com/articles/best-resources-alzheimers-help

Caring.com also has a falls and dementia info center: https://www.caring.com/falls-and-dementia, as well as Q&A about UTI prevention: https://www.caring.com/questions/uti-prevention -- featuring expert input from geriatrician Leslie Kernisan

Please consider posting reviews of the care providers you interview and/or hire -- to help other families in their search: https://www.caring.com/questions/uti-prevention

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Please let us know if you need more. Thanks!

Piver said...

Agreed. Hugs, this is a hard decision to make.

LaurSavvy said...

I agree, the injury is giving you and opening, God works in mysterious ways.

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In-Home Care: Found a New Agency Through Caring.com

dmbabbitt said...

I've had a bad two weeks and by chance today, checked in to Caring.com, to find I am not the only one. I had to fire my sister's caregiver who covers me the 5 hours I work. It took a while to recognize her neglect and poor quality care. In addition to leaving 1 to 2 hours early without my knowledge (normally when she leaves, she lays my sister down for a 2 hour nap until I come home). Thru my neighbor, I found my sister was actually put in bed for almost 4 hours of the 5 hour coverage and I suspected she wasn't being toiletted evry 2 hours. A few eeks ago, after calling the house for 1.5 hours with only my sister answering and crying in the phone, I rushed home to find the woman in her car, sleeping - less than 2 hours after I had gone to work. So this week, when she opted to arbitrarily substitute herself with someone else, I fired her. Yesterday, I found a new agency thru caring's recommendation and a new lady started, wish me luck. Change and adjustment is difficult for both me and my sister. It's been 3 years now and roughly six caregivers, I hope to get it right this time around. Wish me luck.

from the Severe Stage Support Group

Sho B said...

Hello "dmbabbitt," I hope this caregiver works out for you! Thanks for sharing your experience with us. When the time is right, I encourage you to write and rate the home care agency in our Senior Living Directory, to help other caregivers who are in a similar situation nearby. You may learn more about the ratings and reviews program here: [https://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community](https://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community) and leave a review here: [https://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community](https://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community) Kind regards, Sho

dmbabbitt said...

So far so good, this young lady has had a similar care in her life so she understands my sister's needs. Just anote for those of you who may still be looking for a caregiver, I found the agency thru Caring.com by putting in my zip nad checking the ratings, the owner has been super in maintaining contact and concern. Good luck to all of you and thanks so much for your feedback.

dnk said...

I hope this one works out for you. I was at the point of a breakdown a few months ago because I dreaded the sitter we had. The one we have now is our 3rd in 7 months and she is such a blessing. If you get the right person to fit in your family it can make life so much easier. Just don't forget they are working for you and if they do not care for your loved one you have every right to fire them.

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Caring for Mom: What's Best Way to Help Her When She Refuses Help?

Lexie522 said...

For the past two years my mom has become very bitter, angry and mean to me. Her moods seem to go from being depressed and not caring about anything. She blames me because she can't live with me. I try and explain I have rheumatoid arthritis and can hardly get around myself. Its so hard to even talk to her anymore as she accuses me of not calling her for weeks when I call her every other day. I'm just so exhausted and don't know what to do anymore. She won't go into assisted living or let anyone else help her in her home except my husband or I. I know she's just so troubled and mixed up and angry that she can't do much anymore. I just don't know the best way I can help her.

from the Moderate Stage Support Group

CaringDenise said...

Hi Lexie, Sorry to hear about this challenge with your mom -- thanks for sharing, and thanks to all who shared suggestions! Here are some resources on Caring.com that may likewise be helpful...

Alzheimer's Behavior Problems info center The Difficult Behaviors slideshow has includes strategies you can try with your mom: https://www.caring.com/slideshows/difficult-behaviors
Your Custom Care Guide has specific symptoms of Alzheimer's and dementia, and how to handle them: https://www.caring.com/my/care-guide
This info center includes a wide range of content about Alzheimer's, with ways to slow the progression, ease many symptoms, and offer comfort: https://www.caring.com/alzheimers
You mentioned that your mom won't accept help from others. These tips can help you to persuade your mom to accept an elder companion or in-home caregiver to assist with her care and give you and your husband some breaks from caregiving: https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-get-your-loved-one-to-accept-an-elder-companion
Caring.com also has information about Power of Attorney and adult guardianship: https://www.caring.com/senior-money-legal and https://www.caring.com/adult-guardianship
Info to help you with your arthritis: https://www.caring.com/rheumatoid-arthritis
Caregiver burnout is also something to be concerned about, and here are some strategies to help you cope with the stress of caregiving and avoid burnout: https://www.caring.com/caregiver-stress

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Please do let us know if you need more. Thanks!

Gatfly said...

love hearing happy reports!!! â™¥

Lexie522 said...

Thank you all so much for your help. My husband usually does her shopping and I cook meals at my home and my husband brings them over to her. I live in Skokie, Illinois and my mom lives in Chicago only 15 minutes from us which helps a lot when emergencies arise. I have to share this, I talked to her the other day and she seemed in a better frame of mind which made me so happy. I'm sending all of you my prayers and hugs too.

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Caregiver Wellness: Letting Go of Denial and Frustration

BethieBoo said...

Hello group. I haven't posted n quite awhile. I just wanted to share that I have finally, after seeing daily Mom's slow but steady progression in her dementia, I have had a very needed shift in my emotions. I have been holding on to denial and frustration. I am finally able to be more compassionate for her. I am so sorry it has taken me this long. I am such a selfish person. She deserves better, and I hope I am in a place now to be better. thanks for a safe place to get that off my chest!

from the Moderate Stage Support Group

Gatfly said...

whew! â™¥

Tizzy said...

Avio, thanking God hurricane Isaac did not land fall on you! Praying for those in Isaac's path of distruction........ Tizzy

BethieBoo said...

I had forgotten what a caring and intelligent group you all are! I will try to make more time to visit a little more regularly. what a pick-me-up!

aviovaimo said...

Oma--Isaac veered north of us so all we got was oodles of rain and some swaying palmtrees â™¥

Oma 1937 said...

Dear Avio, please don't have any selfdoubts. We all know you everything you could for you sweet DH. Prayers and hugs. BTW did Isaac come to visit. Any one in its path prayers are with all.

Piver said...

Dear BBoo, I think you are simply following the path almost all care givers must go thru, first you must grieve as you realize your loss(es) & part of grief is denial. Some is anger or frustration. Now it sounds as if you are coming out of that stage & into more acceptance of what is. All this is normal & healthy.

As Tizzy said, The past is past, the future not here yet. That's why today is a gift. They call it the present. So enjoy Mom just as she is each minute you are with her & come to the place where you can live with joy & peace within yourself. Mom needs a calm, quiet reassurance from you.

Tizzy said...

Good to see you posting Avio!! I've been wondering how you're doing. Glad you are able to get yourself out of those self-doubt thoughts. You did a wonderful job caring for your DH. There is nothing more you could have done or done differently. The past is past, the future not here yet. That's why today is a gift. They call it the present. Sending you feathery hugs across the waters!! Tizzy

aviovaimo said...

Hi BB--each day is a new beginning and it`s not only a journey for your Mom,it`s a journey for you as well---all of us go through a myriad of feelings .My DH passed away just over 3 weeks ago and I now find my mind wandering to thoughts like this--"what could I have done differently or better"......when that happens,I come out of that mindset because I know that it leads down a path I do not want to travel.The past is gone and I only have today â™¥

Tizzy said...

Hello BBoo. Glad you've come to a place that you feel comfortable posting. I think I read somewhere a saying that goes like this, "When you meet one person with Alzheimer's, you've met one person." That means as Gat said, each situation and person whether caregiver, or the one being cared for, is different. Please don't beat yourself up. It does take time coming to grips with this disease and learning to be a caregiver. I know it sure took me some time! Glad you've come back and hope you continue to do so. Sending you warm hugs of welcome back! Tizzy

LaurSavvy said...

Hi BBoo you sure are not alone in feeling frustrated and having to soul search to find a place in your heart to deal with your Mom. I think almost all of us have at one time or another wanted to through up our hands in defeat or send our love one packing. It is a hard job we do and you should not feel bad, you are not selfish for being resentful that your life is disrupted, but should pat yourself on the back for standing up to do what you have to. Lauraâ™¥

Gatfly said...

Hi BBoo! You know what? There are sooooo many different personalities of all folks involved in this disease - none of us will judge you here, that's for sure! The dynamics between the one afflicted with AD/dem and his/her caregiver is so different, in each case. Throw in the variations that AD/dem can cause within the person, and you can truly say that no two cases are exactly alike. What matters, here and NOW, is that you are there for your Mom. Kudos to you!! No guilt allowed here, either. I hope that you become a regular contributor/commenter. Thanks for joining in!! Ã¢â„¢¥ hugs!

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Alzheimer's Symptoms: How Long Will the Nasty Behavior Last?

Misty1126 said...

Hi . . I'm a new member. My mom is driving me crazy, she is so nasty and miserable to my father and I but if someone walks thru the door she puts on this happy face and is nice to them . . as soon as they leave she is back to her nasty self, it makes me not want to be around her. I have to go there to pay the bills for my father and help him with cooking and cleaning and she is so mean to me. She says I come there and just take over and try to tell her what to do. She is hardly eating, she has lost 20 lbs in 2 months but when my father and I try to get her to eat something she flips out and says . . Don't tell me what to do! I hope this stage doesn't last cause I can't take it and my father is so stressed out. Has anyone else experienced this?

from the Moderate Stage Support Group

CaringDenise said...

Hi Misty, Sorry to hear about this challenge with your mom -- thanks for sharing, and thanks to all who welcomed Misty and shared their stories and suggestions! Here are some resources on Caring.com that may likewise be helpful... - [Alzheimer's Behavior Problems info center](https://www.caring.com/alzheimers-behavior-problems) The Difficult Behaviors slideshow has includes strategies you can try with your mom: [https://www.caring.com/slideshows/difficult-behaviors](https://www.caring.com/slideshows/difficult-behaviors) - Your Custom Care Guide has specific symptoms of Alzheimer's and dementia, and how to handle them: [https://www.caring.com/my/care-guide](https://www.caring.com/my/care-guide) - This info center includes a wide range of content about Alzheimer's, with ways to slow the progression, ease many symptoms, and offer comfort: [https://www.caring.com/alzheimers](https://www.caring.com/alzheimers) - Consider helping by hiring an in-home caregiver or elder companion who can assist with the cooking, cleaning and other household items you referenced that you're helping your dad with: [https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care](https://www.caring.com/senior-care/in-home-care) These tips can help you to persuade your mom (and dad) to accept this type of help: [https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-get-your-loved-one-to-accept-an-elder-companion](https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-get-your-loved-one-to-accept-an-elder-companion) I hope these suggestions are helpful. Please do let us know if you need more. Thanks!

gilwayw said...

Welcome to the family, Misty! I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. It must be very difficult for your Dad to see his wife like this. I am the 24/7 caregiver of my DH (dear husband). We've been at this for several years now. Lharper is spot on when she talked about this journey being a roller coaster ride of emotions. You just never know from one day to the next, or one moment to the next what kind of mood our loved one is in. I'm looking forward to getting to know you and your parents better through this online support group. In the meantime, consider yourself hugged. I live in the Texas Hill Country north of San Antonio................Gillian (aka Jill, Gilligan).

LaurSavvy said...

Hi Misty, Welcome to our group we are a diverse group of people caring for various loved ones, all ages and from all over the world. My name is Laura I live in Pennsylvania and I look after my MIL 24/7. She has lived with us for 5 years and until May we were both managing to work, my husband and I (not MIL). In May she had a bad fall and broke her shoulder and I quit my job as a cna on a ALZ/Dem unit in a large nursing home. The split personality thing is super common. My Mother in Law comes alive with company, but not us or her grand kids, just special company. She rarely speaks and yells if she wants something, but chatters away if her brother or someone from the seniors center is here. I noticed that it happened a lot in the NH too, they would become animated with say the maintenance man but not talk to a daughter or some other regular visitor....not sure why this is. As far as nasty goes, my husband says his Mom was always miserable but it sure has got more pronounced with the ALZ. Come visit here often, I wouldn't get through my day without these people, such a support and always somebody here to talk to.

Gatfly said...

Just poppin' in to say hey and welcome! Glad you found us!!! â™¥

Piver said...

Misty, welcome! You've gotten some excellent comments already. My DH (Dear Husband) who was diagnosed about 8 years ago, was quiet, self-controlled, rarely lost his temper, pleasant, generous. He is still all of those most of the time. But what I notice is that the disease & his lack of energy have left him with less self-control & he can become very angry, abusive, using language I didn't know he knew! He talks at length to me of his frustration, fear, upset over his losses; he has lost his independence, his ability to handle money, his comprehension of what others are talking about. He philosophizes about everything at length because he is still trying so hard to "get it". Please tell us more, Misty. When was she diagnosed & with what tests? Is she on medications? Do you or Dad have Powers of Attorney? In general, where do you live - what state, at least. Big city or on a farm? With this info, we can help you so much more. For now, just know that, yes, others of us encounter the same actions. This is a frustrating disease for everyone concerned, including the docs & researchers. Keep reading our posts & posting your own. Hugs for now. Grandma Piver

Becca13 said...

Welcome Misty! I take care of my husband who also is "nasty" at times. Not physicle but verbale. He tried Namenda but it made him worse. Some just cannot tollerate certain meds. Sending you warm welcome {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} â™¥

Tizzy said...

Hello Misty and welcome! You've definitely found the right place to ask questions, get information and support, and to vent when you need to. No one will judge you. How was your Mom before her diagnosis of Alzheimer's? Was her personality similar but not as bad as it is now? I always said all the negative aspects of my Mom's personality were magnified by her disease. Mom was very needy, whined a lot, and complained about other people. There were a few times she got down right nasty but that was only occasionally. I'm sure it hurts you to have her talk to you like that. She's more than likely frustrated by what she can no longer do herself and she takes it out on those she loves. It's not your Mom, it's this horrid disease. Marianna asked some really important questions. Has your Dad tried to get some help with your Mom? He is going to need respite. This caregiving business certainly takes it's toll on a person. I hope you post often so we can all get to know you and your situation better. In the meantime, sending you warm welcoming hugs! Tizzy

ComaMom said...

Welcome. And oh ya. My Mom used to attack me. More than once I had to physically remove her from doctor offices, cars, bedrooms, trees....she is mean to my Dad too, but not physically agressive. I almost went to jail on several occassions when Mom went crazy in public. One day I was smashing her in the car as she was beating me and the cops showed up. He said let go. I said you better be able to run fast because she is headed across the highway as soon as I let her go. He repeated "LET HER GO NOW". OK, but I told you so. She bolted across the highway and it took to cops to carry her back with her screaming and her beating on them the whole time. I asked them if they would please take be to jail but they made me take Mom home. Agression lasted about 6 months but the meaness has been going on for years. Godspeed. CM

marianna said...

First off, Misty WELCOME

Well, my mom isn't nasty or mean a lot of the time, but she does have her moments. She is definitely different around others. One of the topics we've discussed previously is just how different our loved ones can act. One took her mother (wheelchair bound because she "couldn't walk") to the doctor. The doctor asked why she was in the wheelchair and she lifted her leg high up in the air and said "I don't know"!! My mom can hardly string two words together to make a sentence, but if I take her to birthday club, church, or the doctor she suddenly becomes 'Chatty Cathy'! None of us can figure it out. One thing that helped my mom's anger was when the doctor started her on Namenda. There are others on here who's loved ones take other "mood altering" medications. Some stronger and some weaker. If you mom is not already taking something and if her health will tolerate it, maybe her doctor can prescribe something. Do you or your dad have a medical POA for your mom? Do you have plans in place for in case something were to effect your father and he would not be able to provide care for mom? Do you also have in place a Durable POA for them?

Coping in Canada said...

Welcome Misty. So sorry that you're having this to deal with. Your poor dad. I can't really advise since mom doesn't have this particular problem although she definitely acts different around "visitors".

lharper2006 said...

Welcome Misty - so sorry for the turmoil you & Dad are going through. I also take care of my Mom who has late stage ALZ - this disease is a roller coaster of a ride. Some of our other OWA's will welcome you & assist w/some questions to better be able to help you, my Mom is hard headed but is not nasty (yet). We are here to listen & send hugs - GOD bless!!

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Alzheimer's Support Groups

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Alzheimer's Support: Featured Caregiver Conversations

Care Transitions: Is it Time for Move from Independent to Assisted Living?

In-Home Care: Found a New Agency Through Caring.com

Caring for Mom: What's Best Way to Help Her When She Refuses Help?

Caregiver Wellness: Letting Go of Denial and Frustration

Alzheimer's Symptoms: How Long Will the Nasty Behavior Last?

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