End of Life Support Group
The end-of-life online support group is here to help you through all the difficult decisions and emotions involved in the before and after of losing a loved one. Connect with others willing to listen, and get support for end-of-life challenges. Learn how others are coping with grief, and post your tips and advice too. Come as often as you need to share, vent, ask questions, and feel less alone.
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An anonymous caregiver said...
26 days ago
My Grandma is Dying and im it a bit of a mess with everything and need to talk to try and get some advise She lives alone and I am 300 miles away she has had 3 heart attacks and is 94 years old she has water swelling in the legs that has now risen to her lungs, she refuses any home help or care or refuses to live with me or go in to a home. she cant walk or stand for long periods, she is breathless, confused , not eating and is suffering from sickness everyday the doctor says she has end stages of heart failure
She is so independent and we want to try and keep it that way till the end but not sure how much longer this can go on for
Please advise ?
about 1 month ago
My dad is dying and i am a mess I love him so much the thing is that i am one of two my brother is 11 years older than me but has been in prison for practically his whole adult life and my mom and dad are divorced that being said she is a very ugly person that would like for me and my brother to be a distant memory of her past so i am alone on this he is already receiving hospice care he has signed a d.n.r. already and also has made me power of attorney this is so heavy for me to handle i am very irresponsible i dot even have my own place i have 4 kids and 2 of them live with my mom and wont speak to me just like er it was a messy divorce my dad i thought had a life insurance but over the years has not made consistent payments on it and the policies have been closed so he has more than one has tried a number of times to put his his mind at ease and leave my brother and i something when he dies he just couldn't keep up on the payment so now im trying to pre plan his burial just because it is going to be my responsibility and i don"t know what to do about expenses i don't have the money to do this please any suggestions?
about 1 month ago
Hi friends, I have been doing okay since my mom's death, about 4 weeks ago. Just this week, though I have been having what I am calling "guilt dreams". I dream that my mom is alive and has managed to get out of her memory care unit and to my house. Now, I have to get her back to her memory care unit and everyone in family is upset and thinks I should just keep her at my home. They do not know how far her dementia has progreyand think that I am being selfish for not wanting to take care of her. I am hurting. Has anyone else experienced something like this?
about 1 month ago
How do i know mother is on her ladt days? She hasnt ate solid foods in many weeks...hasnt really ate in 1 week ..grapefruit just the other day..water every so often..she has this cough..that doesn't let her sleep..prescribed lasix and cough syrup..for this mild congestion..shes been in and out of sleep for the past week...i noticed in her sleep she was reaching out..she also turned and thanked me for being with her..how do i know? Maybe shrs just tired and not getting enough sleep?
about 1 month ago
Hi all. I just found out today that my grandad is dying after he has been in hospital fighting a recent chest infection - the doctors have told me and my mother and grandma he only has a few days left due to the antibiotics not working and his increasingly already frail state only making him more vulnerable and less able to fight it. His blood pressure has also gone below 90 and he's cold to touch. My grandad's such a wonderful, strong, loving, caring man who has had a really good life that I almost feel bitter - why him? I know it can happen to anyone and my emotions are just haywire right now but I just feel like he didn't deserve it. He was a sailor in the navy and protected our country well and he has loved the ocean and all things navy related since - he would tell me stories for hours of his times in the navy and seeing how happy and excited he would get made me feel good. What really took a toll on his health in the later years was when he had his strokes. He has had two mini strokes before the third huge one yet never ever listened to doctor advice to stop smoking or take his medication to help thin his blood (he always said he never cared if he pegged it when i would tell him to go to the doctor or take his medicine). He is 71 years old and suffered a stroke ( intra cranial bleed on the brain) on top of his Alzheimers which has rapidly progressed his dementia - i can honestly say within two days he went from knowing who we are, talking, communicating, even had him standing and walking a bit with help to just... confusion and agitation. He would even lash out at us and call us names on bad days. Can't move his left side, can't walk, can't talk now.. It's been such a fast paced thing that all of us are still in shock about it and even more devastated to hear he won't make it. My grandad has been my only father figure in my life and looked after me when i was younger as my mother had psychotic episodes and had to be sectioned in hospital. Not only that but it was only because of him intervening and ensuring my mother got the help she needed that the abuse she would often take out on me during her hallucinations stopped. He told me multiple times i was his favourite person, i'd lay on his chest and talk to him for hours and go for walks with him and it just is destroying me inside. I really don't want him to go but I know that he would want to pass on. He has always told me that he never wants to be confined, left unable to move, etc. - if he's going to die he wants to go out with a bang and not be left "rotting in bed". I know that dying would be what he would want, I know he'd be happier having his dignity left in tact as he slips away peacefully. I also know he'd probably be annoyed that I was upset about him dying -, throughout his declining health all he'd ever say to me is "don't you worry about anything" and "if it happens, let it happen". Before his sickness entirely he'd tell me never to worry about him because if he dies it's just part of life and he even said I need to be strong and move on because he doesn't want me to cry over him or mope. He never really cared about himself or looked after himself (and would strongly discourage others from looking after him as he was highly indepedent) but always put himself out for the people he loves and I know he loves me very much. It just really hurts right now and I feel so useless like I can't do anything for him and I really dont want to lose him BUT at the same time I want to respect what he would want and knowing him... he'd probably be glad to pass on right now. My grandma (his wife) saw her own dad die so she's putting on a brave face having been familiar with death but I know she's just as devastated as I am. We'de also discussing when he does pass if we should see his body - my grandma wants to but I don't know about myself. I don't even know if I'm processing his death well at all. I'm a 21 year old and his only grand daughter in our very small family of 4 people close to me. I have never experienced a death this personal to me before so I... don't really know what I'm asking or why I am posting but I just really want to share my story and vent out my feelings somewhere. I'm sorry if this post is a bit of a mess.
2 months ago
My husband is dying of pancreatic cancer. This is a cruel and torturous way to go.
Being he sleeps much of the day and night, last night he kept waking me up so that I can do little things for him. It was almost midnight when he finally allowed me to sleep.
4:30 am, he awakens me to go to the emergency room since he was unable to urinate.
We finally returned home at 1 pm.
I "got" to do his laundry, household chores, etc...while he napped.
We have had a "chat".
He states that I am not being accommodating to his needs and having an attitude. I simply told him that I am very tired since he would not allow me to sleep and that being his personal servant/nurse 24/7 is exhausting.
I also take care of his 87-year-old mother. Right now, we both believe the other is unreasonable. What can I do?
3 months ago
Hello- My mother came home on hospice care about 2 weeks ago- since then, I am struggling with guilt-I feel like we should be helping her in some way not just making her comfortable - she has stage 5 kidney failure(also has CHF, and Crohn's with a colostomy bag) and is 82.....because of her kidney failure- she is on Haldol for confusion, and benedryl for her uncontrollable itching due to toxin build up- those meds plus her disease make her tired all the time, and whenever we give her her pills- she ask if we are "drugging her up" to make her sleep...or that she is "tired of sleeping all the time" I know the meds are necessary, but feel so guilty for giving them...why do I feel like this this?
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