End of Life Support Group
The end-of-life online support group is here to help you through all the difficult decisions and emotions involved in the before and after of losing a loved one. Connect with others willing to listen, and get support for end-of-life challenges. Learn how others are coping with grief, and post your tips and advice too. Come as often as you need to share, vent, ask questions, and feel less alone.
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What's New Today
9 days ago
My mom entered home hospice last week. I have been caring for her with dementia for the last 2 1/2 years in my home. I have so many emotions going on. Fear of discovering her passed is the worst. I want her to be comfortable. She is almost always asleep. When she is not, she babbles. Will drink to take pills , not eating to speak of and we don't want to force her. wont open her eyes anymore. My father is here with me as well but has alzheimer's. He constantly asks what wrong with her. I try to keep it simple but he gets depressed and stressed. Then it goes away when he forgets. Then we start over. I am praying for all of us in this position, watching a loved one pass. My heart hurts.
19 days ago
God bless every family going through this stage...... i just lost my Aunt Judy due to Alzheimer's disease just 8 weeks ago! Hospice was AMAZING! She was only with Hospice for 2 days, and left us to go to heaven! I tell my self everyday, that she is working for Jesus!!! He needed her help and took her home. She was 73 years old, and my HERO! I keep her in my memory everyday. For all who are losing a loved one, it is so very hard to understand why this is happening, but remember he has a plan for everyone, we may not understand now, but someday we will...........God Bless you and your loved one! ??
24 days ago
My 88 yo dad is in hospice after large cancerous tumors were found in his liver, kidneys, lungs and outside his bladder. He had treatment for bladder cancer this past winter and was told her was cancer free in May. Apparently he wasn't. I spend the whole summer with him (and my ailing Mom) in our beautiful summer home, and he was doing really well. Going out fishing in his boat, walking his dog every day, mowing the lawn! He sand at his grandson's wedding on Aug. 27th, then went back to NH for the winter. Within 2 weeks he was so sick, and was told his cancer had metasticized. He's been in hospice since Friday night. I spent the weekend with him, but now I'm home (1 1/2 hour away), and i am a mess. I can't stop crying, I'm angry because I don't want him to go, I'm feeling guilty b/c I don't want to be there at the moment of his death - I just don't think I could handle it. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and this is just making me spiral into the depths. I'm a Pre-K teacher and I'm worried that I won't be able to go to work tomorrow, or longer. That makes me feel guilty too. I was able to say goodbye to him yesterday. Saddest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm not sure how to go on.
28 days ago
My 92 yr old mother was dx with esophageal cancer, and they are not recommending treatment for her. Even if they were, she did not want treatment or any further testing done. I do not know what to expect, or how long she may have left. Does anyone know what prognosis is (timewise) for untreated esophageal cancer, and what one can expect?
about 1 month ago
My mother passed last week after suffering from dementia for four years. She was in an inpatient hospice unit at the end of her life and the nurses treated her wonderfully. My question relates to how she got there. She had been living in an assisted living facility for the past four years, where she was the most pleasant resident and loved by all the staff. Then all of a sudden, the new assisted living manager says they can no longer "manage" her care and want me to find her a new place to live. Conveniently, on the first of the month, they told me she became agitated, was taking off her clothing, running over people in her wheelchair, etc so they were transferring her to an inpatient hospice unit (she had been on hospice since Feb). When she arrived at the hospice unit, nurses there were baffled, saying she was pleasant and a bit agitated but definitely manageable. They said she would stay there a few days for medication adjustment then I'd need to find her a new assisted living facility. She was speaking to me, requesting music from the music therapist etc. Hospice began giving her morphine, ativan and haldol for the agitation. Within three days she had stopped communicating, stopped eating, stopped drinking and was just lying there sleeping, interrupted by periods of agitation where she would try to sit up and would moan but never really fully awaken. Her breathing became affected and periods of apnea lengthened. Within 12 days of entering the hospice unit, she was dead. My question is, was this behavior common in the final stages of Alzheimers/dementia, or was it caused by staff at the assisted living who were inept in dealing with her and then exacerbated by putting her in a place she was unfamiliar with and giving her heavy medications to control it? Either way, I know she's not suffering now, I'd just like to have some clarification about what led up to her death if possible.
3 months ago
It's been a long 10 years for me. I was a caregiver first for my mother when she started having problems and then for the last 4 years for my brother when he because seriously ill. My brother finally passed away almost a month ago today and I'm still feeling the shock and the sadness of his passing. I keep hoping and praying that he is in a better place where he is no longer suffering. It's just hard because my mother and father had already passed away and he was the only immediate family I had left. The house feels empty without him there. How do you learn to live again when you spent so much time taking care of someone else? The thought of getting back out into the world and dating or trying to make friends is a little scary. I feel like I've lost direction and I'm not sure where to go from here.
An anonymous caregiver said...
3 months ago
6 months ago, the love of my life, my first and only boyfriend of 3 years died suddenly and unexpectedly. 6 months on I am struggling to cope, I don't want to move on with my life. I don't want to go back to uni, but I also don't want to stay at home because I am making my family depressed. I've been to the doctors and I'm due to start therapy. aside from dealing with my grief, my boyfriends ex girlfriend is posting pictures of them together (e.g her sat on his knee). They were together for 6 months, but they worked together (she quit when they broke up) so she is getting a lot of support/shared memories on that front. It's hard to see. She's even started working. Back there. Problem is, I was also a very big part of the bar that he worked in (obviously), but now I feel like I can't even go in. I'm not sure what to do, I feel like my memories are being tainted. I love him with all my heart and that will never change but I don't know how to deal with the ex.
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