End of Life Support Group
The end-of-life online support group is here to help you through all the difficult decisions and emotions involved in the before and after of losing a loved one. Connect with others willing to listen, and get support for end-of-life challenges. Learn how others are coping with grief, and post your tips and advice too. Come as often as you need to share, vent, ask questions, and feel less alone.
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Just me 72 said...
about 1 month ago
My Mom was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago. She went from living on her own, driving her own car and having her own life to living with me in a week's time. She originally said she wanted to try Chemo (3 weeks ago) and I told her she should stay with me during that time because she would need help. We never got that far. She went into Kidney failure and was released from the hospital with external drains to empty her kidneys. She now walks with a walker, I have to empty her bags, give her baths, dress her, etc. My husband and I take turns sleeping on the couch because she panics of if we leave the room for more than 10 minutes and we are all so sleep deprived! She no longer asks nicely she expects and demands. We received the sad news yesterday that her Cancer has spread to the point that she only has a couple months and Chemo would only give her a couple more so she chose hospice. I don't blame her. What I am overwhelmed by is it will be at my home! Hospice came today to start the process and it was so overwhelming! I'm scared about her dying here! I don't handle death well and the thought of it sent me into a panic attack! Everyone tells me what a wonderful person I am for caring for my Mom but I don't feel wonderful. I feel trapped! I know she wouldn't do well in a facility so I feel I have no choice but to have her at my place but all I want to do is run away! My husband couldn't be more wonderful and supportive but our lives have been taken away from us. All we do is work and care for my Mom. The only time we get to go out together is when my Mom's friend visits for a couple hours. Even then Mom gives us her list of While you are out pick me up this! I'm trying really hard to be the strong person she needs me to be but I'm so overwhelmed! I'm also an only child so it is just me and my Dad passed two years ago.
about 1 month ago
My father was recently moved to hospice care after several months in the hospital. I was out of the country for most of this, but I have returned and have been rotating daily shifts with my aunt to make sure he is not alone for long. It's already hard enough to deal with my aunt how is very emotionally fragile and forgets things all the time. What's worse is that her husband has been showing up lately. I have nothing against him, but my father hates this man. My father is awake for only about an hour a day, but I'm worried that if he wakes up when my aunts husband is here that he wil get very upset. I know my aunt needs a lot of support at this time, but I know my father would hate if he knew this man was here. Should I leave this alone since my father isn't awake enough to know? Is there a nice way to bring this up to my aunt without causing any kind of a rift after my father passes?
about 1 month ago
I fear that I am on borrowed time. I have been diagnosed with CHF and also kidney failure. Four years ago I had double knee replacement surgery which was not successful and have had major mobility problems ever since. I have to use a cane or a walker. For the past couple of years I have had severe fluid retention. It started in my feet and ankles and moved upwards. I have gained a considerable amount of weight and am on Torsemide. At one time I was on three different diuretics at once. But now the Torsemide doesn't seem to be working very well. I drink a lot of water, always have, but my urine output is a lot less than it should be. The shortness of breath is very troublesome. Some days its mild and other days it's almost unbearable to the point where I don't want to get out of my chair. I've had insomnia for at least five years and it is also getting worse. I can't sleep in my bed anymore due to breathing problems, so when I do sleep it's in my easy chair with my feet elevated on an ottoman. I am also cold all the time. I wear sweaters even in summer. With all this I am still functioning, or trying to. I sometimes cook elaborate meals that I serve to my boyfriend or my son and granddaughter. (I live alone.) I do my own laundry and wash dishes. I still drive, although I have stopped going grocery shopping and now order online for curbside pickup. Thank God for that service! I have a cleaning lady who takes care of the heavy stuff. I watched my 86-year-old sister go through this less than a year ago. She passed just before Christmas, so I know some of what to expect when my time comes. But I'm really scared. I'm not overly religious but I've been telling God I'm not ready to go yet. I'm sure He's having a good chuckle over that! I came on here to see if I could find what symptoms to expect and I found a whole lot more. I admire the courage of the people here. I just hope some of it rubs off on me. Thank you for listening.
about 1 month ago
My husband is in hospice care here at home. He has CHF. He is in denial. That leaves all the decisions up to me and I am already overwhelmed emotionally, physically and financially. I can show none of this, of course. I can't leave the house to go to the grocery store, etc. There is so much on my mind I am not even sure where to start.. His reply when I ask where do u want to be buried? (Which is heart rending to have to ask) is "I think Mom has some plots. Just use o e of those." Ok. First of all he won't tell his mother, who is in her 80's, that he is on hospice nor let the hospice nurse broach the subject with her (she offered); secondly, does she even have plots?: thirdly, maybe she has plans for them already assuming she has them. So, you can imagine how the questions about forms of burial, funeral service, and all that comes with those goes. To give you an idea: when asked about something concerning his final wishes I immediately am hit with, "Have you given up on me already???". Ok. Guess I'm not suffering enough or have no feeling-or at least none I can show. We also have 3 grown children who are married and live nearby. They are in their early 20's and are grappling with this themselves. They help when and how they can, but have jobs,etc also. We also still have one, not in HS yet, who I am trying to walk they this as well. Where do I start? How do I start? If I have to figure all this out by myself. I seem to stay exhausted and there is SO much that needs to be done and so many counting on me. I don't want to not have any plans and this time be any harder. Any suggestions as to where or what to at least start on? I am past coffee being much help. Anything else I could do? Thanks. GrandmaMom
2 months ago
Hi. I'm hoping to get some answers for my mom. Not sure if this is the right forum but this seems the best option. Last July my dad passed away. He was to be cremated. During the planning of the original funeral, my mom, myself and his three older siblings from another marriage and a spouse of my one sister, all agreed that on the one-year anniversary coming up in July we would plan a second funeral to bury the urn in a plot that my mom has at a local Cemetery. I also should mention that my parents were married for 13 years and divorced in 2005. They got back together some years after that and have been together for the last nine or ten years. In the obituary and at the funeral home all of the family considered her his wife. Now my oldest half sister said that we never planned? that and that was never part of what was going on. There's a big family feud between her and my mom over the death of my dad. She's threatening legal action against us if we try to bury the urn. The other two kids are supportive of us doing this because it's what was agreed upon in the original set up. Mind you all this time she hasn't come and seen the urn once. I tried to do some research but to no avail. Can anyone tell me what are the legal rights to cremains in Ohio?
An anonymous caregiver said...
4 months ago
My Grandma is Dying and im it a bit of a mess with everything and need to talk to try and get some advise She lives alone and I am 300 miles away she has had 3 heart attacks and is 94 years old she has water swelling in the legs that has now risen to her lungs, she refuses any home help or care or refuses to live with me or go in to a home. she cant walk or stand for long periods, she is breathless, confused , not eating and is suffering from sickness everyday the doctor says she has end stages of heart failure
She is so independent and we want to try and keep it that way till the end but not sure how much longer this can go on for
Please advise ?
4 months ago
My dad is dying and i am a mess I love him so much the thing is that i am one of two my brother is 11 years older than me but has been in prison for practically his whole adult life and my mom and dad are divorced that being said she is a very ugly person that would like for me and my brother to be a distant memory of her past so i am alone on this he is already receiving hospice care he has signed a d.n.r. already and also has made me power of attorney this is so heavy for me to handle i am very irresponsible i dot even have my own place i have 4 kids and 2 of them live with my mom and wont speak to me just like er it was a messy divorce my dad i thought had a life insurance but over the years has not made consistent payments on it and the policies have been closed so he has more than one has tried a number of times to put his his mind at ease and leave my brother and i something when he dies he just couldn't keep up on the payment so now im trying to pre plan his burial just because it is going to be my responsibility and i don"t know what to do about expenses i don't have the money to do this please any suggestions?
4 months ago
Hi friends, I have been doing okay since my mom's death, about 4 weeks ago. Just this week, though I have been having what I am calling "guilt dreams". I dream that my mom is alive and has managed to get out of her memory care unit and to my house. Now, I have to get her back to her memory care unit and everyone in family is upset and thinks I should just keep her at my home. They do not know how far her dementia has progreyand think that I am being selfish for not wanting to take care of her. I am hurting. Has anyone else experienced something like this?
4 months ago
How do i know mother is on her ladt days? She hasnt ate solid foods in many weeks...hasnt really ate in 1 week ..grapefruit just the other day..water every so often..she has this cough..that doesn't let her sleep..prescribed lasix and cough syrup..for this mild congestion..shes been in and out of sleep for the past week...i noticed in her sleep she was reaching out..she also turned and thanked me for being with her..how do i know? Maybe shrs just tired and not getting enough sleep?
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