Being a Caregiver
It's easy to focus on everyone and everything other than yourself. In this online support group, we focus on the "i" in Caring and your role as a caregiver -- offering tips, advice and support to help with self caring.
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Sally Trout said...
8 days ago
I am really frustrated with helping Daddy transfer in and out of wheelchair. He says "I can't I can't" and he drops his whole weight on and often we fall. He stand up and transfers without help for dinner. He does worse if I am help him. He strongly resists using the belt or a sheet to help pull him up. I'm at wits end. It is hard for him but I am falling back on encouraging, not getting physically involved. I don't like my own father when he whines. That is brand new
15 days ago
So, I just wanted to share a small disappointment with people who I know will understand.
I live with my Grandma, and I've recently been concerned with how increasingly home-bound she's become. I suspect that it may have a little to do with what seems to be her increasing anxiety. So you'll understand my enthusiasm when she expressed interest in going with me on a short errand tomorrow. She said she's like to get out of the house for a change of scene, a desire I strongly shared.
Well, while on a walk with her daytime caregiver today, she pushed herself too hard and fell. We are very grateful that apart from a bruised elbow, she is fine. No broken bones, thank goodness. But it's got her shook up, and she has decided to stay home while I run my errand tomorrow.
Like I said, it's a very small disappointment. It's just that she has been doing so well recently, and stuff like this often can feel like one step forward, two steps back. She also seems a little depressed this evening, which makes me think that she's dwelling on her loss of mobility. These things can be a little hard sometimes.
That's all. Thanks for listening.
20 days ago
Has anyone ever been admitted to hospital while a caregiver that had no family or support & had the dr ask to admit your loved one so your health can be attended to while still having peace of mind for loved one?? It's sad that I feel I'm cheating him & being criminal like just to be in hospital I would leave AMA but it's too serious I'm going to icu I tried my best to talk into putting on floor but refuses for multiple reasons well it's official I suck!!!!
21 days ago
I am caring for a 91 year old mother who is failing.She had been able to successfully live on her own but recently I can see that the situation is comming to an end. She is in complete denial. She refuses to live with anyone or have anyone in her home to care for her. I have tried on several occasions to have a talk with her to discuss the situation and find out what she wants to do when she can no longer live on her own. I am at her home several hours a day but, I work nights and cannot be there. She is a very stubborn and self-willed person who wants what she wants and thats that. Any suggestions will be appreciated. By the way, I am an only child and there no other family members.
21 days ago
I know this is my own fault I'm stubborn I've always been the fearless won't back down from a challenge type this can be good & bad I'm the girl if told not to do something I will do it twice & take a pic I don't follow demands but I will give the shirt off my back for a stranger if it's the right thing to do I've been fighting depression really hard recently I know & for the most part have accepted the family I had are gone & those left living are cruel & selfish ppl I know better than to reach out so y am I in floor crying for my mom daddy sister any of my loved 1s just a moment even or wishing I could get the few that are still alive to care that I'm falling apart my heart breaks I'm in psychical pain from too long feeling lonely & scared I'm 36 I'm not a child I just need to grow up I have to for his wel being I have to make myself some how smh
24 days ago
I am taking care of my father post serious femur surgery after he was told he is doing just find in an insurance paid rehab center before you go home. I am amazed at their definition of "well"...the standards for passing must be very low.. I am in the process of getting the long term care insurance approved.. The company I work with is very good but 23 dollars an hour and I must pay for the first 90 days. I can use them as little or as much as I can afford...:( I have to help my father get out of bed, use a walker, sit in the wheelchair, go to the bathroom.. use the walker again and then ,make it to the toilet safely. I ordered a raised toilet seat...it will come soon and help much. I am at the point of caregiver stress..I suffer from depression and had to retire early. I just do not have any relatives alive to talk to and only one friend is too busy doing the same thing for her father miles away. I feel very alone and that there is no concern for caregivers as a part of society much like mothers were in the past decades...taken for granted and left to just deal with their problems alone.
Jen H said...
about 1 month ago
I'm so frustrated. I'm an adult with serious medical issues and caring for my aunt who lives alone--for now. I am a retired nurse and my aunt is one of the many who assumes because I was a nurse at one point that I am an expert in all things medical so she constantly badgers me for the same information every time I see her as she has dementia. I completely understand why she is anxious and wants all of the information possible but going into a lengthy discussion about what blood pressure is, what is "normal" and what hers should be is simply exhausting. I 'get' where she is coming from with the loss of control, fear of new health issues, anxiety about the unknown, etc. I plaster on the "compassion face" and remain calm and together with all interactions but the way she yells at me constantly is trying at best. I 'get' that I am merely the "outlet" receiving the brunt of her valid issues. I feel so frustrated when I explain that "yes, you are taking a memory medicine" and she asks for the 92nd time "I am?" Her personality is becoming more...bitter, or hostile at times and then goes and says how grateful she is for my help. Again, I 'get' that her brain has changed and personality changes can be anticipated but...it's just hard. to take it and smile like its 'water off a ducks back'. And it's hard on my husband who listens as best he can but he gets overloaded as well. Thanks for "listening" Jen
about 1 month ago
I’d like to ask for advice on questions about caring for my disabled older sister and what I should be compensated for the work I'm doing. I am a widowed single mom to a 14 year old with a full time job. We have no living relatives nearby. Within the past year, my was diagnosed with Atypical Parkinson's with multiple system atrophy and progressive supranuclear palsy and is currently living in an assisted living community. I have tried to help her as much as I can, but am unable to take on much more. She’s given me power of attorney and named me as her health care advocate in an advance directive. I have advised her to hire a personal care manager, which she has done. She does not want to use the care manager much at all because of the cost, although she can afford it. She did not plan well for unexpected circumstances and is greatly concerned with every penny of how much things cost - unreasonably so in my opinion. I advise that she use the care managers when she goes to the doctor or the ER since the rep is an RN. She has many expectations of many things I should do for her – all at no charge. I feel I should be compensated for the time I spend managing her benefits from her job and navigating the bills and details of her home and car sales. I miss a lot of work handling these details and FMLA does not cover my time off for a sibling. What do you think would be reasonable to charge for handling these details? Please advise with your experiences or recommendations.
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