Being a Caregiver
It's easy to focus on everyone and everything other than yourself. In this online support group, we focus on the "i" in Caring and your role as a caregiver -- offering tips, advice and support to help with self caring.
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What's New Today
about 19 hours ago
I'm a caregiver if an almost 40 year old daughter who has been getting worse she has developmental delayed issues as well as bipolar disorder . I've taken her to her psyschatrist and all she's been doing is changing her medicine every time we've gone the past 4 months.each time she gets worse than before . She is now not hardly eating and refusing to take her medicine unless I practically forse it into her . Any suggestions or a good psychiatrist near Brockton MA would be most helpful.
An anonymous caregiver said...
11 days ago
MIL has been with me for two years now .... and boy, have the years stretched. She came to us in pretty poor shape, but we've nursed her back to decent health (she's 85+) and she's going to one of her daughters in a month's time.
She's downright nasty, and goes out of her way to ensure everyone gets more than a healthy dose of that, every day. I've learnt, over time, to disengage myself, so that I can get through the day. Today, though, I'm at the end of my tether. The aide we have for her, has finally had enough, and wants to quit, because the nastiness is getting to her... and when confronted, MIL is acting like she's the victim here, and the world is against her. Am honestly fed up to my back teeth, especially since there's just about a month left for her to leave, and she seems determined to make it excruciatingly painful for everyone! I hope we're able to get someone to replace the aide, because my husband and I work full time, and I cannot afford to take time off from work, to have to deal with her.
12 days ago
So mom just came home from stroke rehab and I realize how unprepared we are. She can't walk hardly at all. She can't tell when she has to use the restroom and needs diapers changed a whole shopping bag of meds after one full day I've had 2 complete panic attacks. I am a fish out of water here and scared to death. I'm in PA can anyone recommend a good in home care service and what the cost is on average. We need help.
13 days ago
I'm in my 6th year of caring for my mother and I'm just wondering if anyone else ever feels like they just want to run away (anywhere). My mother is 96 and wants constant attention. I'm an introvert and constant attention for me would be my worst nightmare. I just came off of my company holiday (work from home full time) and feel more burnt out than before the holidays because I had to spend every waking minute with my mother. I am miserably unhappy and have gained about 70 pounds because I am so sad that I never get to do anything or go anywhere. I saw a therapist and he said, you are the adult now and she is the child. Well, easier said than done. I had just packed up all the Christmas decorations and had them in boxes to store (somewhere). She wanted them put away immediately because she doesn't like her house messed up. They were some boxes in the dining room neatly stacked. She is always nagging and demanding while thinking she never does. I have no one to call for a weekend break and she won't pay anyone to come give me a break. She just doesn't seem to care about anything other than her own needs. I am a baby boomer but I'm not set for life. She is going to give me her house if I stay with her which would certainly help me but I feel like it's being used to create a slave out of me. She makes me clean the house before the caregiver comes and when I was working one day, she told me to offer the caregiver some candy. She cares far more about the hired people than she does about me. I just don't even want to look at her right now but I have to go in and make her dinner. Just wondering if someone has had similar experiences. I feel she is like the Queen of England, plenty of people around her that could handle the monarchy but damned if the queen is going to give up that crown, no matter how old she is.
26 days ago
I've been a professional in home caregiver for years. My old company was great. I loved my bosses. Loved my clients. I was a 5 Star employee. I had more clients and their families at my recent wedding than I did my own family. I recently moved. Started with a new company. Besides the fact that I feel the bosses are just uncaring, every single client I have, even with subbing, their homes are nasty. By nasty I mean, you never know if the feces on the floor is dog or human. You can never use any of the restrooms because they are so disgusting. Days worth of feces and pee from everyone in the house because they don't want to flush. Sinks full of dishes and FOOD and cigarette butts. Know how most people empty out their scraps/leftovers off of their plate? Nope. They just stick the whole plate and pans and pots in the sink, full of wet nasty bread, chicken bones, wet paper towels, even cigarette butts. They do so because they know we will be coming to clean it. They smell so bad, I force myself not to gag whenever I first walk in. When I leave, I end up smelling of urine and feces all day. And everyone of them are either able to clean, or have an adult child or grandchild who could. But they don't, at all, because they see it as ''my job'. Then the dogs. I've been bitten 4x this past 6 months, all by little angry Chi's and pomerians and the clients just laugh, saying 'He's just protecting me!'
I'm just so overwhelmed. I'm not used to these types of clients. I wear gloves just to change sheets. Heck I wear gloves every second I'm in these homes. There's one home who's so infested with roaches, I can't even bring my work bag or jacket in, I'm afraid of carrying them home. Does anyone else deal with this? It's turned me into a super clean freak at home now. Bathrooms now disgust me. I clean mine EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I have my 6 year old use a washcloth go clean out the sink every time he brushes his teeth. I mop and sweep and dust daily, sometimes 2x a day. I worry if there's any 'smell' in my home. I feel as if it's always on me. What would you do? How would you
lulu becky said...
about 1 month ago
I help take care of a man with demintia and I was introduced to him using his fingers to feel what was on his butt after he pooped. He had it all over his fingers. His feses were mushie and he didn't wipe good or not at all. He was bent over trying to feel back there. How should I show he the best way to wipe w moist wipes
An anonymous caregiver said...
about 1 month ago
I am the live-in caregiver for my 81 year old mother. While we get along very well, I have noticed some disturbing behavior on her part - She likes to tell people untrue, negative things about me and/or her care. For example, we were at the doctor's recently and she was answering her questions about her bathroom routine. Out of the blue she said, "Kate [me] doesn't like it when I flush the toilet. She says I flush the toilet too much." I was shocked! I never said anything remotely like that and don' t care if she flushes the toilet 10x every time she goes. Another time, I overheard her telling a friend, "Kate won't let me drive anymore. I really miss going to the grocery store, but I guess those days are over." This was also shocking as we all decided as a family that mom couldn't drive anymore and I had just that day asked if she wanted me to take her to the store (she said she wanted to stay home). Lastly, one of my sisters mentioned to me that mom had told her I had done a couple of mean things and that she (my sister) was worried I was abusing her! In each of the cases my sister mentioned, there was some circumstantial truth behind it, but it was totally twisted and false the way my mom led her to believe it played out. Is this normal? My mom is pretty firmly in the moderate stage of dementia, so maybe this is what happens? I do worry people are looking at me like I'm some sort of monster because of weird things she's told them, but 99% of the time she is very loving and appreciative and singing my praises. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!
about 1 month ago
I am a professional caregiver and take my career very seriously --I always try to go above and beyond what is expected of me and most of my clients request me over and over again. I am currently on a long term round the clock assignment 5 days a week from 3pm-11pm. My problem is with (a) my scheduling supervisor and (b) the caregiver who works the 7am-3pm shift. I recently contacted my scheduling supervisor because the a.m. caregiver was doing no housework, the client sometimes looked disheveled when I arrived and was not always being properly supervised. Breakfast dishes would be in the sink/on countertops, laundry piled up, his bed is never made and trash cans were overflowing. The a.m. caregiver is always parked on the sofa watching tv when I arrive. My supervisor talked to the other caregiver and things slightly improved for a day or two. I delivered a handwritten letter to my scheduler telling her in detail of the dates and sub-par work that was being provided by the other caregiver. My scheduler immediately drove to my assignment and cornered me in the client's kitchen where she began telling me that she had never had a problem with the other employee until I began working for this client and she was beginning to think that I was the problem! She said it's my job to confront the other caregiver about her housekeeping / client care skills. I told her that it is her job to speak with her employee and that I'm not comfortable confronting a co-worker in a client's home. The scheduler/supervisor then spoke to 3 family members (I stepped outside after the first few minutes so that my client could feel comfortable about any comments). The client & family confirmed my concerns about the other caregiver and I said nothing to my supervisor when she left the client's home. My scheduler/supervisor called me several minutes later to say that she had made a mistake in accusing me of being the problem and that she feels the company could benefit by having me as a mentor/trainer for new hires. Later in the shift a family member confided in me that they told the scheduler/supervisor that the 3-11pm (me) caregiver is a "10 star employee" and that if I was reprimanded or let go then they would cancel their service. I guess my point is that I feel I am right in declining to speak with a co-worker who is so neglectful in her job duties and I should have no role in disciplining or speaking ("confronting her" was the term used) to my co-worker. That should be something the agency handles. I don't like confrontation --how am I to know how this caregiver might respond?!? I really don't want my client or their family upset by any discussion that might arise between caregivers -it's unethical in my opinion. Also, I'm not being nit-picky about the housework as several family members have complained within the home, but were afraid to speak up when previously asked about their satisfaction, etc. because they didn't want anyone to be fired. Wow...! I have had issues with this scheduler/supervisor in the past and really want to leave this agency because my interaction with her has mostly been very negative and never encouraging -with the exception of her apology phone call. I'm just discouraged and feeling badly about doing what I thought was the best way to handle the situation.
about 1 month ago
I am caring for my 83 year-old mother-in-law and have two children who are 10 and 11. My MIL has almost no short-term memory but is able to get around (with a steadying hand) and handle her own hygiene (with reminders). My husband and his two siblings decided against assisted living because she was so against it and because of the cost. She will eventually need nursing care but they are trying to avoid it as long as possible, it makes sense. They split the year up into four month "shifts" where she lives with each of them.
I am a stay-at-home mom and work from home, so I am with her all day - breakfast, lunch and dinner. I prepare all her meals and see to her meds. She's happy to read and watch TV, but it is a strain. By the time my husband gets home from work and we have dinner, I'm ready for some space. He takes over by watching TV with her and comes to bed long after I've fallen asleep. I feel like we are dividing and conquering for the sake of practicality, but we are living separate lives. There is no joy in our marriage.
My husband and his siblings all work and a lot of the care of the mother falls on their spouses, yet we (or maybe just I - I shouldn't speak for anyone else) don't have a say in what happens. I am not compensated for my work nor am I consulted when making future plans. I realize that money saved on her care will benefit all of us, but still, this is a lot of sacrifice. I am glad that there are three of them to spread her time between (we take four months at a time) and our "shift" will be up soon, but I really worry about the health of my marriage and family.
about 1 month ago
Its been a year since I posted but I am Caregiver to my 82 year old mother and 61 year old sister who is about 3 years older than me. I also have POV over my mother's health and finances. I am on disability myself, married and my husband assists me. I was able to take my mom and sister to the grocery store, dr appts after my stepdad's passing in 2013 but it became really draining on me mentally and physically. Earlier this spring I was calling my mom's md and was practically begging for help. My mom's dr said she has early onset of dementia, she also has afib, asthma, diabetes, and has a horrible habit of picking sores, or her nose which leads to nose bleeds for hours. My mom and sister lived together and I had to call an ambulance from my house because they didn't know what to do. Then my mother had a fall, broke many small bones in her pelvis, had a procedure to glue the bones together and luckily I was able to place my mother in a wonderful assisted living facility about 7 minutes from my home. Then there is my developmentally disabled sister - I thought she could still live in the house but I found out she was going door-to-door of the neighbors for someone to talk to. I believed my sister to have a mentality of around a 12 year old and I am completely wrong. She has the mentality of an 8 year old and is much more needier than I thought. So my mom is settled in the assisted living but calls me to complain about the food and she has a bad cold. I tell my mom to tell the CNAs or push the pendant on her neck. It is so strange because my mom never told me before when she had a cold at home but now when she has people who make sure she eats every meal, gives her medicine 3 times a day and she takes part in activities she is constantly calling. And my sister is like I'm taking care of another child but this child when never change and will never grow up. I am resentful and am angry at my mom because she never had my sister evaluated. My husband and I have a 35 yr old son who is now married and we have a daughter who is 24 and is living with her fiance and my 3 yr old grandson. My kids are gone and out of the house. I really resent this. I also have two other siblings that have not talked to my mom or sister in over a year. They don't care but they will when she passes away. And my mother was not a good mother to any of us. Three of us moved out of the house at 17/18 years old. My mother was married 4 times, she would tell us that we're dirty no good for nothing brats etc and beat us with a belt etc. But I still help her. This is not what I thought my husband and I would be doing at this time in our lives. I know my mother may not live another year but my sister has been deprived of a life because she was my mothers' gopher, housekeeper, companion when my stepdad worked. And the amazing thing is that my sister was able to work several jobs until they were phased out and she saved every penny. She has a savings account in six figures but on the other hand she does not understand how much money she has. She also inherited money from my father as I have. But my sister has said in not so many words from talking with my mother, that my husband and I are supposed to take care of her. My head almost exploded. I can't dump my sister off somewhere but everyday is so frustrating. At this point, I take my sister to see my mom at her apartment at the assisted living almost every day. Sorry for the rant but I am so frustrated and tell myself daily to be patient. :-(
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