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Being a Caregiver

It's easy to focus on everyone and everything other than yourself. In this online support group, we focus on the "i" in Caring and your role as a caregiver -- offering tips, advice and support to help with self caring.

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SAN1166 said...

2 days

Ok, so here's the deal; I'm 23 years old and I've been a caregiver since I was 12 to my uncle who was an alcoholic drug addict and has since passed from his bad habit(which I witnessed him stop breathing while lying in a pool of blood at the age of 11); my deceased grandmother who had dementia who recently passed from a heart valve dissection at the age of 75; my mother who has an incurable genetic disorder called Marfan syndrome(skeletal), liver sclerosis, fibromyalgia, mental issues and a whole list of other things because so many doctors had taken advantage of her; and my younger brother (15) who has a rough up bringing because my mother health started to degrade shortly after he was born so he was just tossed to aside.

Currently my mother is in a nursing home because I no longer had the ability to care for her so SHE decided to go; originally my grandmother(her mother) was there but her resent passing is taking a toll on her. My ant(her sister) is her proxy since she was grandmas and she only lived 5 or so miles away(I live 36) but since grandma passed she has been pretty much ignoring my mother. All of my family is generally ignoring her; I'm the only one that visit's her on a regular basis, makes sure she has what she needs, monitors her physical and mental health, drivers her to doctors appointments and so on.

My brother is also still under my care because of a few incidence that got cps involved; I've manage his schooling, health, and activities since I was 18 when I quit collage to help around the house.

In all honesty, yes, this has been hard but I can't tell just what I mean by that because "this" is also normal to me. But now, I need a job; I need to get back into the swing of life but I don't know how... I don't know where to look or what to do. My fathers foreign, stubborn, unwieldy, overworked, and stressed, my ants and uncles are self centered or just don't have the resources; i have no work experience and every job I've applied for thus far has turned me down.

I don't know where to turn.

Sheila1944 said...

1 day

2 days

I'm very sad and very tired. My Dad has dementia and has been living with with me for two years. Now he can stand up for only a few sconds and cannot urinate or defacate by himself. I'm spent. He hates being in the hospital. I hate having to put him somewhere. It will break his heart. But I can't go on like this anymore.

Sheila1944 said...

2 days

8 days

I live with my brother who is a paraplegic. He had a car accident that left him this way. Then his wife died a year and a half later. Now I am here with my brother and his two kids and the situation is increasingly more and more overwhelming. The kids are spoiled because my brother feels like he needs to make up for their mother being gone. They are very nasty and do not clean up after themselves and I am working myself to death trying to keep the house somewhat clean. I try to make them clean up after themselves but my brother goes against me. He always makes lame excuses for their behavior. The kids in turn milk it for every penny. So I decided to give up on caring about how clean the house is. I also cook constantly but they boys always harrass, bully and play the "poor me" card for him to order take out all the time. He doesn't have the money for that. I have to watch out for the boys taking advantage of my brother but then there is a war between my brother and I when I set my foot down. I can't leave. I would never forgive myself and if I left the kids would be taken away from my brother. And then my brother would have no one to care for him. But I am stressed to the max. I feel I have no control over the boys and I feel it can only get worse. I have talked to my brother. He knows how I feel. Either he makes me out to be over reacting or he minimizes the situation with his lame excuses. No family whatsoever comes to help. I am truly stuck in this situation alone and I don't know what to do about it or where to turn. I can't afford therapy and even if I could my brother wouldn't swallow his pride to do anything about it. My friends are the kind of friends that only like happy talk. Anything else is seen as feeling sorry for myself or bringing everyone else down. I am supposed to just suck it up. I am angry, resentful, anxious and depressed. Anger and resentment top the list. I am starting to hate everyone and everything. I need help.

LindaG427 said...

8 days

I am new to being a caregiver. My parents are divorced, live in different states and I am an only child. Both are in different stages of needing my help and challenges of their own.

My Mom is 78 years old, has a personality disorder, suffers from depression, has been hospitalized for mental breakdowns, and is in complete denial there is anything wrong with her. Her short term memory has been declining for a while. She has brought up the subject of wanting to live in Chicago (where I am) in an independent living facility. I’m concern because she doesn’t have a lot of money and facilities will deny her because of her financial issues.

The situation with my Dad is more complicated. My Dad is 77 years old, lives in Las Vegas with his 4th wife who is from Peru and has been stealing his social security from him. A few years back, I called social services for a home check, as he was being physically abused by his wife’s family. I have no legal rights over him, and not sure I can take on the responsibility. I can make him ward of the state, but he doesn’t want to leave his home.
For the past 9 months, my Dad calls me 10-30 times a day, and sometimes will leave the same voicemail asking me when I’m coming.. When I saw him in November of last year, he can hardly walk, stand on his own, hear and is incontinent. The incontinent is not new for him. I called his PCP doctor to let her know about what I had seen. During my visit with him. He only talks about the past when I do speak with him. I don’t answer his calls because I’m too overwhelmed and can’t handle both parents at the same time.. I believe there is something wrong with him: I know my first concern is taking care of myself.

Thanks for listening.

Sheila1944 said...

8 days

grandma368 said...

12 days

PLEASE HELP ME. The latest news on my HUSBAND WHO IS 70: I have no one else to ask. The hospital just called me and wants me to put him in a nursing home for physical theropey for 20 days. That is all medicare will pay for. They said he can come home anytime. What about our home, its paid for and what about his SS. They say because he has been in bed since Sat that he does not have the strength to get up by himself. I am afraid that once he is there he will not be coming home. I am scared. Please help

Micp said...

10 days

GoldenPoppy said...

9 days

14 days

I would like to update you on my HUSBAND who is 70 years old. Saturday he went to hospital and after 1 day there they sent him to ICU. He was having problems breathing and staying awake. They found out that he has Congestive Hearth Failure, A blood clot in his right lung and his right side of the heart is enlarged. They have been treating him for everything and still have a few more tests to do. We are planning a Health Care Nurse to come to the house. He will have to be on oxygen for now on and of course blood thinners. This we know for sure, but until all the tests are done we will not be sure what the main cause of this. I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR THE ADVISE/HUGS AND LOVE

GoldenPoppy said...

14 days

Sheila1944 said...

14 days

18 days

My husband is 70 years old. I have been trying to get him to go to the doctor but he has refused. Now I am trying to get him to the hospital; He says he will go tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. This is what is going on with him: His stomach is swollen, his genitals are swollen, his thighs, knees, legs, toes are swollen really. really bad.

He has diabetics, very overweight, high blood pressure & Afib

He was hospitalized 6 years ago with double pneumonia, mild heart attack, and total renal failure. He was in a comma for 6 days and in the hospital for 30 days.

Anyone have any ideas what could be wrong with my husband? How should I get him to go to the hospital before it is too late.

GoldenPoppy said...

17 days

17 days

kimkk said...

21 days

I am so glad I found this website. I have been struggling over some issues recently and some clearer heads will help me sort things out. My husband, youngest son (19 years old) and I are moving into my in-laws home. It is the house my husband grew up in and he loves it and has always wanted the house someday. My in-laws are struggling to care for the house and themselves but do not want to move into assisted living. Believe me, the house is plenty big enough for all of us. My husband's parents raised five children in the house. We will have privacy. That isn't the issue. The issue for me is three-fold. First, although my mother-in-law is a very generous woman, I am concerned about blending our two households. Second, I am concerned because my husband has the beginning stages of emphysema and won't quit smoking (he always smokes outside). I am afraid that I will find myself caring for his parents alone. Which leads me to the third issue, I don't want the house when my in-laws and, possibly, my husband, are gone. I am trying not to be a horrid b*tch. My in-laws are incredibly wonderful people. My husband has three siblings left, two of whom are extremely wonderful about helping with their parents, as are several of the grandchildren. I don't think I would feel quite so concerned about this issue, if my husband would manage his own health. Right now I see a rather bleak future of caring for my husband, my in-laws. Fortunately, my own mother is in very good health and is able to care for my father with the help of my bachelor brother who is also a giving soul. Anybody have any suggestions to help me get over my desperation?

21 days

Sheila1944 said...

21 days

tgreyesp said...

25 days

How do you handle it when they throw a fit about going to the doctor? I have always just told my grandmother-in-law that she has to go because we love her and we want to make her comfortable. Still she throws a fit and when my kids get up or my husband comes home she tells them that "she made me go today because she wants to spend all her money". I know I shouldn't take things personally, but some days I can't help but to take it personally. Is there another way to tell a dementia patient about appointments that I am missing. I have even got a bag full of things she likes to so that while we are waiting she will have things to do to help keep her mind and hands busy.

25 days

24 days

tgreyesp said...

about 1 month

Does anyone else feel lonely? I am currently caring for my 92 yr old grandmother-in-law because she has dementia and cancer. We moved in with her because we were having a hard time trying to maintain 2 households. At first she was fine. No big memory issues, no asking the same questions over and over just the basic little things like where did she put her glasses. But slowly it got worse. I quit my job that I had been at for 8 yrs so that she would have someone here in case she needed something because she couldn't drive herself. I haven't had one single day without her in 8 months. I have 2 daughters (19 & 17) who I ask to help me out but that is pointless because they get frustrated with her way to easily. I feel guilty aaking my husband to help me becaue he is working 2 jobs. The one time I did ask him for help he fell asleep on the couch. I feel like I have become the cook, the housekeeper, the caregiver, and the one nobody ever talks to unless they want or need something. My own mother has even turned her back on me. I was just wondering if anyone else ever feels alone and what they do to fix it.

jthoen said...

about 1 month

TinaC1966 said...

12 days

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