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Being a Caregiver

It's easy to focus on everyone and everything other than yourself. In this online support group, we focus on the "i" in Caring and your role as a caregiver -- offering tips, advice and support to help with self caring.

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28 days ago

I have an Aunt who is living with me with cancer, dementia, mini seizures, etc. (a lot of illness factors here). My husband was supportive at first but is now complaining. His mom was a cancer patient who passed away and I am sure there are feelings stemming from that horrible time. However, my Aunt has no one else and she is like my second Mom so sending her out alone during this challenging stage in her life is not an option. Any advice on handling this would be most appreciated.

27 days ago

Sheila1944 said...

27 days ago

Msulli910 said...

about 1 month ago

I have experience in healthcare and I have been asked to be a personal caregiver to a good friend's mother that has dementia and just a few were ago had a mini stroke. Does anyone have any tips on things to do with elderly patients with dementia, activities, etc?

Sheila1944 said...

about 1 month ago

emptynest said...

about 1 month ago

about 1 month ago

First of all my mother in law is wealthy. She has two daughters and two son's which one is my husband. His sisters refuse to help and has gone so far as to try to have my mother in law claimed incompetent. They did manage to have her claimed partially incompetent because she is almost 87 years old and forgets sometimes. Her only Health problem is that she is a diabetic. Our house is within seeing distance but she refuses to move in with us so my husband will not make her so we live with her. Her daughters do not help us at all but instead are constantly causing trouble for us. They hate me and I have lived and cared for their mother for six years now. We don't go anywhere together as husband and wife. My mother in law has a life alert necklace that she constantly wears and we even have a baby monitor beside our bed to her her every move. She doesn't think we should go anywhere so we don't because of my husband being so obsessed with her every want not just needs. I am so tired of being used by the whole bunch of them. Her daughters are so afraid that my husband will get one dollar more than they do and that's why they put her through the court process even though one of the daughters was her POA. They are going so far as trying to make us pay taxes for the electric, water and groceries she buys. We are constantly spending our own money that they don't even know about. This is all causing problems with our marriage. I feel helpless, unwanted and used while all the while I'm saving their inheritance by giving up my life for their mother. I'm sitting hear in tears because I don't see a change until she dies and I am not wishing that on her. Can someone help me deal with this please!!! A date night once a month would be nice but my husband is happy with staying right here with his mom and if we do ever go anywhere we have to be home by a certain time and he calls her while we're gone to see if she is ok. I need my own home!! Am I wrong?

talkey said...

about 1 month ago

about 1 month ago

2 months ago

I am tired of living with my 80 year old mother. She thankfully is in fairly good cognitive and physical health but I do all the cooking, cleaning and finding resources. This morning I made her cry because of trash and food. I had asked her to do two things to keep it under control. Well? She did not, and I am now dealing with maggots and bugs - these are outside in a deck box, but now THAT needs to be scoured - another job. on top of all of it is the 50 years worth of "stuff" that was moved here from another house she fornerly owned - all piled in the garage and basement. She owns the house but I have lived here over a decade. Am just tired of all of it. Depressed, not working and just sick of her.

Sheila1944 said...

2 months ago

>miTsy< said...

3 months ago

My story is not much different than so many of you, but I am filled to the gills with caregiving right now. My mother is 80 but in poor health, has had numerous TIAs and a stroke that blinded her in one eye, and beginnings of dementia.

I live on the same property but in a small house next door. My 22 year old do-nothing nephew lives with her and does little more than stuff his face and scream at his violent video games. He weighs about 350 lbs and epitomizes the 'living in his (grand)mommy's basement'. She complains about him all the time but if I do then it's 'don't be so hard on poor, poor David!'

I found my mother on the floor the other morning, she had fallen because her rheumatoid arthritis had settled painfully in her knee. She had been there for hours. She had a doctor's appointment early that morning and was so disoriented that I had to dress her and take her in a wheelchair to the doctor. She was totally out of it all day. Now that she is feeling better she is back to her needling, snarky 'can't you take a joke' behavior that I have come to hate. It is complaining couched in a 'ha-ha' attitude.

Mind you I am caring for our five acre farm, livestock, gardens, homes and rentals. I am a 60 year old woman and I do it all. I am also trying to put together an estate sale of my father's and brother's things that I have stuffed in my barn, shop and garage, (they both died in 2014) and I have developed tendonitis in my ankle, limiting my ability to get everything done. I have no other life, so I am stuck. I go to my religious fellowship on Saturdays and even that she begrudges.

I hate to wish her a speedy demise because that is not nice nor fair but I will be so relieved to be beyond her and able to move my nephew out on his adult way and be at peace again.

Sheila1944 said...

3 months ago

punky99 said...

3 months ago

Bmarie96 said...

3 months ago

Hello, I am 21 & I help take care of my grandmother, 70. She is very important to me but lately she has been very sick and I try my best to assist her in any way I can. In addition, she has her younger sister taking care of her. However, it seems that no matter what I do, or what my family does to help her she still is frustrated with us. No matter how hard we try to make her happy or what we do, she will still find a way to be unhappy with either myself, a family member, or her caregiver (her sister). She hasn't always been like this, and my family and I assume it is just her taking our her frustration. If there's any advice for my situation it would be gladly appreciated.

Sheila1944 said...

3 months ago

emptynest said...

3 months ago

jessica2354 said...

3 months ago

hi i am new to this group but i really like and really hope somone can relate to what im going through.i am 25 and a mother of 3 small girls.in dec of 2015 my older brother was in a major car accident he broke lots of bones including his neck and suffered a tramatic brain injury i am the only person that could act as next of kin he has been through rehab and stayed in a nursing home and for the past 6 months has been living with me.my brother my whole life has been my best friend but since his crash he hasnt been the same and never will be again.i took him out of the nursing home and brought him home with me he hated the nursing home and said he wanted to get back to a normal life but since he has been home he has not tried at all to get better.he has physical therapist that comes to the house and he asked for pysical therapy but when they come he refuses to do it.he is in a wheelchair but he can hold his wheight on his legs.and he can learn to walk with help but he wont do it.he says he wants to but wont.i have taken over every aspect of this mans life.along with juggling my own i love my brother but he has more than just physical problems he has mdd and and has the mantality like a child with memories of a grown man and he suffered from memory loss i have tried all i know how but i dont think i can do anything else for my brother he evn went to rehab when he got home nothing had changed i love him and i dont want to hurt him but i cant take care of a grown child forever especially one that refuses to try to improve but im all hes got i dont want him to think i dont love him i just want to do what is best for him and for myself my youngest daughter is 4 mounths and has hearing loss and may have vision problems so im wiped out from scheduling everyones appointments and still havent had time for me or my husband to see the doctor.my husband works full time and is not home as much as he would like to be but he tries his best to take care of us.i promised my brother he wouldnt go back to a home or full time living facility but i dont know what else to do.

emptynest said...

3 months ago

Imattertoo said...

3 months ago

Onlyoneofme said...

4 months ago

I am getting very sick,physically and crying muchnof the time because I am expected to care for mymsib with Alzheimer's and mymlong time friend who is dying from a Parkinson's like disease.

emptynest said...

4 months ago

4 months ago

Agrealty said...

4 months ago

I'm losing my mind.... I am 49 with two daughters 11 and 15. My husband just turned 50. He has been diagnosed with incurable autoimmune diseases. He is in a wheelchair full time and on oxygen. He can't do much of anything for himself. He was living a normal life a year ago though had been through s health crisis. Nothing positive ever comes out of his mouth, only complaints and profanity. I know he is depressed and understand some of it. I recently hired someone to sit with him and he is furious. I own two businesses and love working. I am getting resentful and feel guilty. I don't know where to turn as I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this.... devastated......

Ladymiller said...

4 months ago

LAJ2012 said...

4 months ago

lonilou said...

4 months ago

Hi- I am new to this group, reaching out to anyone I can find. I moved in with my parents 2 years ago and Dad had a stroke last month. Mom is at end-of -life issues. I am wondering what life felt like before I took this on.

Sheila1944 said...

4 months ago

4 months ago

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