Being a Caregiver
It's easy to focus on everyone and everything other than yourself. In this online support group, we focus on the "i" in Caring and your role as a caregiver -- offering tips, advice and support to help with self caring.
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What's New Today
2 days ago
I need help I have a twin sister who has disabilities and has on many occasions run away from her home in Boston because computer use and lies that are being fed to her this time she went missing for 2 weeks and now I have her in Florida and trying to get to to live here our mom really hasn't given her a structured life and I'm will to but my problem is she doesn't want to stay and tells me we are holding her against her will what can I do please I worry about her safety..
13 days ago
Hey, I've been taking care of my mom for almost 12 years. She's bedridden because of progressive Multiple Sclerosis and has dementia, she's in her early 60s. How she got there is a long story that would take up too much writing space here. This is going to be a long post, brace yourself.
I am 32. This week has been hard for me and tonight I'm feeling straight up miserable. I haven't been sleeping well and I know I have some sort of low-level depression, which doesn't help anything.
I started taking care of my mom at around 22. Now I'm just resentful with no patience and it shows. I get frustrated a lot and sometimes I get angry, but it's mostly frustration. Mostly because my mom doesn't remember me, but because I feel trapped and unfullfilled. I realize most people at my age are married or have careers and I never got to do either. I feel emotionally and financially held back because I live at home. (We have tried to get my dad to pay me, but it hasn't happened yet. I don't quite understand it and don't want to get into personal money issues here.) I just don't feel like an adult and that's bad.
I feel held back in life in general. I am wondering if I could even get married at this point? (My non-exsistant dating life and having no boyfriend ever, being moot.) How could I take care of a house, a husband and my mom? (And my dad eventually.) I know a lot of people DO, but that's long after they're married and don't usually go into it with the burden of caregiving. And I always have the thought in the back of my head that if I did get married, my mom would be alive and everything, but not able to share it with me and that' s really depressing.
So, lack of milestones is a big thing. I know getting a boyfriend or getting married wouldn't make everything instantly better, but it would be nice to share life with someone and stop feeling left behind while watching friends and other people get married and stuff. I'm just not sure if it would be fair to the man in the unique situation I'm in. I know that's not a question anyone can answer here, but we all have to vent sometime.
Thank you for reading all this. Have a good day and hang in there.
An anonymous caregiver said...
about 1 month ago
I've been a caregiver for over 5 yrs and recently began a 5 day a week private live in position for a 93 yr old woman who is in general good health with the exception of macular degeneration. Every day is a challenge and I often feel overwhelmed (& underpaid) by the end of each day. She is often argumentative & challenges all conversations/comments and requires constant attention and interaction. This is very emotionally draining.
The day begins with breakfast, personal care, housework/laundry/shoveling snow from the driveway and then shopping trips -I've never seen anyone love to shop as much as she does. This too can be very mentally exhausting because she likes to touch everything in the store which requires me to read every label on every item she picks up. She's somewhat hard of hearing so I need to speak loudly and often repeat the information -& often elaborate on the details because she needs additional information. After doing this 20+ times in two stores and I'm frazzled!. We stop at several stores during these shopping trips. Three grocery stores plus a department store or two is common. These trips are 2-3 times a week and take up most of the day. I feel she is "store-hopping" to fill a need and I don't know how to help her/distract her from this habit. I want her to have days filled with enrichment, but these shopping trips are out of control. After we return home (and I'm exhausted!) she takes a nap and expects me to clean, organize cabinets, etc. during this time. After her nap we play board games or watch a couple of game shows. After dinner we play more games or I read to her until 9 or 10pm --or until I can't keep my eyes open any longer! I can't seem to get her on any sort of schedule that will allow me to do the things that need to be done in the home & allow me to entertain her and keep her happy while not leaving me exhausted and feeling resentful by the 5th day.
I'm feeling defeated and don't like feeling this way -I want it to work because there are times that I see a sweet senior who has some great stories to share.The daughter seems angry all of the time so I don't feel I can talk to her about the situation. I just don't know how to make this work and keep my sanity.
about 1 month ago
I complained loudly this morning about having to watch our son all day again (like yesterday) . So did my wife notice or care? No, she assumed again that i would take him out to the living room after breakfast and get him ready for the day. She stayed in the kitchen again cleaning up and taking care of the litter box. I can't say anything without creating more hell for myself. She will accuse me of not appreciating what she does.
2 months ago
I've been caring for my mother in a multitude of ways since 2010. She has been back and forth to the hospital, rehab centers, then home with my husband and I. In Dec 2016 she took a fall and could not stand or get up and down our stairs any longer. She went to the hospital, rehab and then I placed her in senior living facility. She took another fall and broker her hip, in rehab and I am wanting her to go to a nursing home for good. She cannot be on her own any longer and i cannot afford to assist her in paying for a place.
My question is... I signed on her lease agreement as the Power of Attorney. The lease is legally hers. She paid a portion of the rent and I pay the other part. I am wondering if I am liable to make the April 1st payment being that it is month to month if she is not returning to the senior living place? I called the office and they say the full month has to be paid and my argument with them is that they prorated the amount when we moved in so why not prorate the move out. If I am not liable for the rent as the POA? Please let me know
I did consult with an attorney and without her looking at the agreement, she said that if I signed my name and put the POA after it, it is my mother's lease. The site would have to go after her for any monies owed, not me. Is that true?
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