Being a Caregiver
It's easy to focus on everyone and everything other than yourself. In this online support group, we focus on the "i" in Caring and your role as a caregiver -- offering tips, advice and support to help with self caring.
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What's New Today
6 days ago
Just need to vent at times. I live and take care of my 85 year old mother. I have MS, am 63 years old. My 59 year old sister comes 3 times a week, for a total of 15 hours, the rest is left to me. Mom is on hospice, dementia and hearing loss. She can be very argumentive and forgets a lot. Right now she is our of house on a respite (5day) stay. It's been a nice break for me, but I'm a little apprehensive about her return.
12 days ago
I am caring for my 87 year old mother by myself. I do not feel I am giving her adequate care. I live with her. I, myself am on disability and cannot work. I have friends but they all have their own things to deal with. I would really like to just get some input with someone else going thru this. I have not ever done this online and don't know what to do. Does anyone out there feel this way too?
12 days ago
My wife bipolar depression and has been in a manic state for about a month more so since she stop taking her meds. We are struggling since I lost my job 11 months ago. It has been hard I’ve also got depressed and on medication. My beautiful wife is the hardest to deal with she belittles, emasculate me, accuses me threatens me constantly. I have had to lock myself in my office she can be confrontative so I’m afraid of my reacting to her. I’ve been sleeping on the floor for some time. Recently got her to see her psychiatrist she gave her meds but refuses to take them, so we’re back to the same. I’m a Christian which has helped me stay stable but I get tired. - next week I drive our daughter to college in New Mexico and trying to help my son get into the military- all this has cause us All added frustration. Just needed to vent- I know God has a plan for us-
22 days ago
I am the only caregiver for my boyfriend who is bedridden, he does not talk to his family and mine lives far away. I am also disabled but functioning, I have MS. Sometimes the smallest thing sets him off and today it was that he thought I rolled my eyes but really I was just trying to focus cuz he woke me for something he needed and I could not see without my glasses. That led to a big fight and now he won't eat or take his medication and says he wants out of here. He says he is not going to eat or take meds until he is sick and gets taken to the hospital. Then he will tell them he does not want to go back home. I am at a loss as to what to do. He has no idea how hard it has been on me, he only sees what he is going through.
22 days ago
I am mentally exhausted and could really use some advice. My father is presently on home hospice care. He is 91 and has been slowly dying for the past 6 years.. After his fall and hip replacement surgery, it has been a slow deterioration. He's been depressed since my mother died 14 years ago., he now sleeps 80% of the time, he doesn't talk much anymore, he barely eats anything; he no longer gets out of bed, when he's not sleeping he just lies there saying nothing, he doesn't watch TV or read the paper anymore. All he wants is Ensure and a tiny bit of food. This is not living and it pains me so to go through this process for so long. His live-in companion/aide of 4+ years was not skilled enough to continue caring for him so I replaced him with a woman who is a wonderful cook and a very kind person who came highly recommended. My father refuses her cooking and asks me to remove her from the house. If I kept the other aide, who my father liked very much, I knew in my heart that he was not feeding him properly, was not hygienic and was dishonest. I should have changed the aide 2 years ago but I kept him because my father liked him. I've tried my best, I've not had any help from siblings during this entire process. I'm tired and as horrible as it sounds, I want him to either get stronger and out of bed, or just go to sleep and not wake up. This process really tests ones faith and spirituality. Any advice would be appreciated.
about 1 month ago
Hello Friends, I am the 25 year old granddaughter of my aging Grandmother and Papa and the only relative or friend who is capable/willing to give "end of life" care (they were my primary care givers as a child). Their life is a rather tragic story, if you can imagine. However, my biggest challenge right now is that they don't take me seriously as an adult who chose moved 3,000 miles back home to be with them in their last (3?, 5?, 10? years). I did this not only to help them with their plans, but also to spend the time with them that one day we could never get back. I told them that if they left me nothing but work to do after they leave this world, I would feel privileged. But, I'm a go-getter and would like some forethought/get what we can out of the way so we can be comfortable to enjoy the YEARS we have left :) How can I get them to start making plans (no will or trust or directives, NOTHING! at least that they are sharing with me) and include me so that I can be the most informed when the time comes? (Now that they are 80 years and 75 years old?). Thank you for listening <3
about 1 month ago
I've been waiting and hoping for some kind of 'break' from up above? But I doubt it. Why must I endure all this emotional and mental anguish? I am poor, no money, my mom is jealous of the relationship my dad and I had. He passed away on his birthday June 8, 2017, she always throws often that I took care of my dad 'for money' her own daughter who is me. I can't even explain to you or anyone how that makes me feel. Guess I should introduce myself I'm 36 years old, live in Texas and single for good reasons.
about 1 month ago
My husband is fairly healthy and active except for severe hearing loss only partially helped by the best hearing aides we could find. He misses enough words that he totally misunderstands a lot of what I say to him. Often he does not even respond. When his hearing loss first became apparent, I suggested that he learn to read lips or offered to learn sign language with him but he declined both. He was on a committee which I had to join so he could continue to participate. I am both his voice and his ears. If I know what he would want I speak for him. If not I have to "interpret" and ask his opinion. He seems withdrawn at times but wants to stay involved I get frustrated and angry at him and feel we have little communication. He also appears to have some memory loss which they now say can be linked to hearing loss but his thought processes otherwise seem to be OK. I feel guilty getting angry, but I get so frustrated and don't know how to help him anymore.
3 months ago
MIL moved in with us 6 months ago. I retired 2 months ago. Now trying to keep my sanity and keep my marriage from falling apart.
3 months ago
I am a caregiver for my 83 year old mom who lives with me. Doctors cannot explain her condition. She was diagnosed with Dementia a year ago when she didn't know who I was anymore or where she was. I had to make the most difficult decision of my life and put her in a nursing home. It was the second time in a year that this happened. After several months she completely came out of her fog. Her mind was 100%. I then made arrangements to bring her home with nurses aides there when I work out of town overnight three nights a week. Now she is going into this dementia-like state again and things are getting very difficult for both of us. She calls me at work in the middle of the night and tells me she's scared and confused. I have promised her I will not put her in a nursing home again and I will not break that promise.
She has extreme difficulties with her knees and uses a walker in the house and a wheelchair when we go out. She also has a very serious lump on her breast and will not do anything about it. I am respecting her wishes with that too.
I am writing because I am starting to lose it. My patience is constantly tested and I lash out and she cries.
I don't know what to say to her when she's in this fog. She talks about frightening imaginary things that happened and I try to explain they aren't real. in
I just feel like I'm falling apart and afraid I can't take much more of this. I feel extremely guilty about it. She is a wonderful woman and I love her more than anything. But sometimes, when she is deep in her fog she says horrible things to me.
She has been in and out of this thing three times in as many years. I am just asking for some guidance as to how to handle her and make the last years of her life as pleasant as possible for her.
Thank you for reading this and I appreciate any advice.
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