Being a Caregiver
It's easy to focus on everyone and everything other than yourself. In this online support group, we focus on the "i" in Caring and your role as a caregiver -- offering tips, advice and support to help with self caring.
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An anonymous caregiver said...
14 days ago
I've been a caregiver for over 5 yrs and recently began a 5 day a week private live in position for a 93 yr old woman who is in general good health with the exception of macular degeneration. Every day is a challenge and I often feel overwhelmed (& underpaid) by the end of each day. She is often argumentative & challenges all conversations/comments and requires constant attention and interaction. This is very emotionally draining.
The day begins with breakfast, personal care, housework/laundry/shoveling snow from the driveway and then shopping trips -I've never seen anyone love to shop as much as she does. This too can be very mentally exhausting because she likes to touch everything in the store which requires me to read every label on every item she picks up. She's somewhat hard of hearing so I need to speak loudly and often repeat the information -& often elaborate on the details because she needs additional information. After doing this 20+ times in two stores and I'm frazzled!. We stop at several stores during these shopping trips. Three grocery stores plus a department store or two is common. These trips are 2-3 times a week and take up most of the day. I feel she is "store-hopping" to fill a need and I don't know how to help her/distract her from this habit. I want her to have days filled with enrichment, but these shopping trips are out of control. After we return home (and I'm exhausted!) she takes a nap and expects me to clean, organize cabinets, etc. during this time. After her nap we play board games or watch a couple of game shows. After dinner we play more games or I read to her until 9 or 10pm --or until I can't keep my eyes open any longer! I can't seem to get her on any sort of schedule that will allow me to do the things that need to be done in the home & allow me to entertain her and keep her happy while not leaving me exhausted and feeling resentful by the 5th day.
I'm feeling defeated and don't like feeling this way -I want it to work because there are times that I see a sweet senior who has some great stories to share.The daughter seems angry all of the time so I don't feel I can talk to her about the situation. I just don't know how to make this work and keep my sanity.
28 days ago
I complained loudly this morning about having to watch our son all day again (like yesterday) . So did my wife notice or care? No, she assumed again that i would take him out to the living room after breakfast and get him ready for the day. She stayed in the kitchen again cleaning up and taking care of the litter box. I can't say anything without creating more hell for myself. She will accuse me of not appreciating what she does.
about 1 month ago
I've been caring for my mother in a multitude of ways since 2010. She has been back and forth to the hospital, rehab centers, then home with my husband and I. In Dec 2016 she took a fall and could not stand or get up and down our stairs any longer. She went to the hospital, rehab and then I placed her in senior living facility. She took another fall and broker her hip, in rehab and I am wanting her to go to a nursing home for good. She cannot be on her own any longer and i cannot afford to assist her in paying for a place.
My question is... I signed on her lease agreement as the Power of Attorney. The lease is legally hers. She paid a portion of the rent and I pay the other part. I am wondering if I am liable to make the April 1st payment being that it is month to month if she is not returning to the senior living place? I called the office and they say the full month has to be paid and my argument with them is that they prorated the amount when we moved in so why not prorate the move out. If I am not liable for the rent as the POA? Please let me know
I did consult with an attorney and without her looking at the agreement, she said that if I signed my name and put the POA after it, it is my mother's lease. The site would have to go after her for any monies owed, not me. Is that true?
about 1 month ago
Foster daughter always plays the victim card saying she had No Mom....but I disagree. Her Mother died when she was 8 months old. She lived with her Dad and grandmother throughout her toddler years and early school age years and her dad eventually remarried and so she had a Step Mom throughout her school age years through Junior High...her life was rough with her Dad b/c he was an alcoholic. When her High School years began she came to live with me where she stayed till she graduated High School. All three of us women did our very best to be a Mother figure to her that she needed...but truth be told she made sure we all knew that we were not her Mother...and biologically we weren't but she still had a Mother through out her child hood even if we were not blood. it takes more than blood to be a Mother.
She became a teen Mom. She had her first child one week after she turned 18 and just 2 months before her High School graduation. She tells everyone she grew up without a Mom and on facebook she recently said she knows she is not a perfect Mom but she was clueless on how to be a Mom b/c she never had a Mom....but she had me. I was there every single second. I was even in the delivery room with her and I did my best to be supportive and teach her and help her but I was met with constant rejection from her and all b/c I am not her Mom. I wish there was something short, sweet, and powerfully to the point that I could say to her to make her realize she was not a victim and she always had a Mom, It was just her choice to reject us all. Maybe if she thought about that for a minute she would stop playing the victim card.. Her sister grew up in the same house and in fact they have the same Mother but different fathers. her sister in fact grew up without either one of her biological parents b/c they both died but her sister didn't sit around feeling sorry for herself. She made a life for herself. She did well in school and went to college and met her husband and now they have a little boy and her husband is serving our country...So it is not like my foster daughter couldn't do the same for herself...if she tried. I know we weren't her biological Mothers but we most certainly were the next best thing. we all loved her as our own and unconditionally. How do I get it through her head she is wrong in her thinking without making her angry b/c she loves to walk away and not speak to you for a year or so...until she needs something from someone.
about 1 month ago
Not proud of myself. After work yesterday, i had pick up one of my son's meds. It wasn't ready. I got very angry because I just wanted to get home . i restrained myself at the pharmacy, but not so much walking away and while calling my wife to see if we needed it that day.
When you can't get angry at work or at the people who need you, unfortunately the cork pops off the bottle at situations like these.
Once i got the meds and got home, i was fine, btw.
about 1 month ago
I am a 51 year old man who is a dedicated Christian (don't worry, I won't proselytize) who struggles with anger. I live with a wife who has a learning disability, a mood disorder, and frequent migraines. My oldest child graduated high school almost two years ago, but is focused on her transgegenerism, utube hobby and her anxieties to the point she can't work for a living. My younger child is 16 years old and is on the autism spectrum; he is non verbal and severely delayed in all areas. I am looking for a place to vent and not feel quite so alone. Is that alright?
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