Being a Caregiver
It's easy to focus on everyone and everything other than yourself. In this online support group, we focus on the "i" in Caring and your role as a caregiver -- offering tips, advice and support to help with self caring.
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An anonymous caregiver said...
9 days ago
I am tired of living with my 80 year old mother. She thankfully is in fairly good cognitive and physical health but I do all the cooking, cleaning and finding resources. This morning I made her cry because of trash and food. I had asked her to do two things to keep it under control. Well? She did not, and I am now dealing with maggots and bugs - these are outside in a deck box, but now THAT needs to be scoured - another job. on top of all of it is the 50 years worth of "stuff" that was moved here from another house she fornerly owned - all piled in the garage and basement. She owns the house but I have lived here over a decade. Am just tired of all of it. Depressed, not working and just sick of her.
28 days ago
My story is not much different than so many of you, but I am filled to the gills with caregiving right now. My mother is 80 but in poor health, has had numerous TIAs and a stroke that blinded her in one eye, and beginnings of dementia.
I live on the same property but in a small house next door. My 22 year old do-nothing nephew lives with her and does little more than stuff his face and scream at his violent video games. He weighs about 350 lbs and epitomizes the 'living in his (grand)mommy's basement'. She complains about him all the time but if I do then it's 'don't be so hard on poor, poor David!'
I found my mother on the floor the other morning, she had fallen because her rheumatoid arthritis had settled painfully in her knee. She had been there for hours. She had a doctor's appointment early that morning and was so disoriented that I had to dress her and take her in a wheelchair to the doctor. She was totally out of it all day. Now that she is feeling better she is back to her needling, snarky 'can't you take a joke' behavior that I have come to hate. It is complaining couched in a 'ha-ha' attitude.
Mind you I am caring for our five acre farm, livestock, gardens, homes and rentals. I am a 60 year old woman and I do it all. I am also trying to put together an estate sale of my father's and brother's things that I have stuffed in my barn, shop and garage, (they both died in 2014) and I have developed tendonitis in my ankle, limiting my ability to get everything done. I have no other life, so I am stuck. I go to my religious fellowship on Saturdays and even that she begrudges.
I hate to wish her a speedy demise because that is not nice nor fair but I will be so relieved to be beyond her and able to move my nephew out on his adult way and be at peace again.
about 1 month ago
Hello, I am 21 & I help take care of my grandmother, 70. She is very important to me but lately she has been very sick and I try my best to assist her in any way I can. In addition, she has her younger sister taking care of her. However, it seems that no matter what I do, or what my family does to help her she still is frustrated with us. No matter how hard we try to make her happy or what we do, she will still find a way to be unhappy with either myself, a family member, or her caregiver (her sister). She hasn't always been like this, and my family and I assume it is just her taking our her frustration. If there's any advice for my situation it would be gladly appreciated.
about 1 month ago
hi i am new to this group but i really like and really hope somone can relate to what im going through.i am 25 and a mother of 3 small girls.in dec of 2015 my older brother was in a major car accident he broke lots of bones including his neck and suffered a tramatic brain injury i am the only person that could act as next of kin he has been through rehab and stayed in a nursing home and for the past 6 months has been living with me.my brother my whole life has been my best friend but since his crash he hasnt been the same and never will be again.i took him out of the nursing home and brought him home with me he hated the nursing home and said he wanted to get back to a normal life but since he has been home he has not tried at all to get better.he has physical therapist that comes to the house and he asked for pysical therapy but when they come he refuses to do it.he is in a wheelchair but he can hold his wheight on his legs.and he can learn to walk with help but he wont do it.he says he wants to but wont.i have taken over every aspect of this mans life.along with juggling my own i love my brother but he has more than just physical problems he has mdd and and has the mantality like a child with memories of a grown man and he suffered from memory loss i have tried all i know how but i dont think i can do anything else for my brother he evn went to rehab when he got home nothing had changed i love him and i dont want to hurt him but i cant take care of a grown child forever especially one that refuses to try to improve but im all hes got i dont want him to think i dont love him i just want to do what is best for him and for myself my youngest daughter is 4 mounths and has hearing loss and may have vision problems so im wiped out from scheduling everyones appointments and still havent had time for me or my husband to see the doctor.my husband works full time and is not home as much as he would like to be but he tries his best to take care of us.i promised my brother he wouldnt go back to a home or full time living facility but i dont know what else to do.
about 1 month ago
I'm losing my mind.... I am 49 with two daughters 11 and 15. My husband just turned 50. He has been diagnosed with incurable autoimmune diseases. He is in a wheelchair full time and on oxygen. He can't do much of anything for himself. He was living a normal life a year ago though had been through s health crisis. Nothing positive ever comes out of his mouth, only complaints and profanity. I know he is depressed and understand some of it. I recently hired someone to sit with him and he is furious. I own two businesses and love working. I am getting resentful and feel guilty. I don't know where to turn as I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this.... devastated......
Kind hearted said...
2 months ago
Hi I'm new to this group, I care for a young person who has cerebral palsy and can do very little on their own. I'm with them 5 to 6 days a week I wake them up and put them to bed I'm the only one Who really pays any attention to them out of the family. I don't know what it's like to have a child like that because I have been blessed with a healthy child but I don't feel the family pays any attention to them like they do the other children and they have me feed them when everyone else isn't eating because there's no room at The table. The house is not handicap assessable and it's very difficult just trying to get them out of the house to catch a bus or get in a car They are no longer in physical therapy and I never get a straight answer why sometimes I feel like the family doesn't want her to get any better so they can put them away somewhere they have even went as far as to ask me if their child could stay with me and they would pay my rent and come and see the child when they could nowI love this child dearly and I have passed up other offers to care for other people to stay with them but I have so many things going on it just wouldn't work now am I letting my emotions get in the way? Is there anyone that has been through anything like this? I'm sorry this is so long I just needed to get it out.
2 months ago
sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed. I have 2 adult children who are very low functioning autistic men. They function at about the level of a 2 year old and so are dependent for most ADL's but they are very mobile and have no safety awareness. I also care for my 88 year old father who has multiple health conditions including end stage renal and he goes to dialysis 3 times a week. he needs help with most ADL's including transfers from bed to chair. Sometimes I am just so tired. my husband helps as much as he is able but he has multiple health problems too. we live more than 20 miles from the nearest town and so many services are unavailable to us. sometimes it seems like there is no one who understands.
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