How to Plan a Funeral

Planning a funeral can be challenging because there may be multiple tasks involved that must be completed, all while you are mourning the loss of your loved one. In this article, we will look at all the steps needed, from considering legal ramifications and arranging transportation to writing an obituary and making burial arrangements, to help make the process easier for you when the time comes.

Whether your loved one’s passing was expected or you are facing the grief of a death that came unexpectedly, you are likely to find the immediate days and hours afterwards to be filled with activity, even if you’d rather go off somewhere alone to mourn your loss. Caring understands how you feel, and we created this Funeral Planning Guide to help you make sense of all your duties while also leaving you with time to grieve. The following steps may not happen in this exact order, but are all activities that must be dealt with sooner rather than later.

In the immediate aftermath of a death, you are likely to experience a wave of emotion — shock, grief, perhaps even relief, if the deceased was in pain. There may be tears, hugs, and a desire to comfort others who were attending the death. You may need to make phone calls or otherwise contact people who were close to your loved one.

But first: take a deep breath. In addition to your understandable need to grieve, there are practical matters to attend to. The first of those is transporting the body of your loved one to a funeral home or other facility that is equipped to handle those who have died. 

If your senior loved one lived at home or in an independent living facility, you will likely start this process by calling the funeral home (or a hospice nurse, if they were in hospice care). If they were in an assisted living facility, memory care unit, or nursing home, there may be staff members who can help you arrange transport.

From the hospital

Although the number of people who pass away in a hospital is declining, around 35% of Americans die while receiving care in a medical facility. If your loved one was in the hospital when they died, hospital staff will handle the immediate needs of the body. They will remove any medical devices and clean the body if needed. The body will be covered or clothed respectfully. 

Once a doctor has officially pronounced the death, hospital staff will prepare the body for transport and keep it secure, probably in the hospital morgue. You may be asked if you would like to view the body first, unless the deceased had a communicable disease.

Your role initially is to contact your chosen funeral home and notify them of the death. The staff there will have extensive experience in working with hospital officials to retrieve and transport bodies. In most cases, you will not need to be involved in the details.

If the medical examiner determines that an autopsy is required, you will be notified by hospital staff. Let your funeral home handle the transportation of the body, if necessary, to the medical examiner’s facilities. The funeral director will generally be able to handle any paperwork, involving you only when needed. When the autopsy is complete, they will transfer the body to the funeral home.

From home

Arranging for individuals to die in their own homes, often with the assistance of hospice, is increasingly popular in the U.S. In 2022, for example, 1.72 million Medicare beneficiaries were enrolled in home hospice care.

If your loved one dies at home, contact your hospice care nurse if they were not present at the death. These nurses can handle the post-mortem care to prepare the body for transport. Generally, autopsies are not required for individuals in hospice care. If the death was unexpected and there was no one in attendance, or if foul play is suspected, however, an autopsy may be required. 

Either way, your funeral director will arrange transportation to the funeral home directly or to the medical examiner’s facility. Funeral homes generally have someone on call at all hours, so if the death occurs during the night, you should be able to have the body removed quickly and respectfully. 

When funeral home staff arrive at your home, they will place the body in a body bag, which will be carefully removed from the house and brought to the funeral home. Since this can be distressing for the family to see, many funeral directors recommend that the deceased’s loved ones gather in a different part of the home while this is happening.

To the service

Transporting your loved one from the funeral home to the location of the memorial home is the work of the funeral home. By this point, they will have prepared the body for burial or cremation, and you will have chosen an appropriate casket or urn for their remains. 

A competent funeral home handles hundreds of funerals each year, and they will have the staff and experience to handle everything from traffic control after the ceremony to disposal of flowers or other memorials. 

Don’t hesitate to ask questions if you’re unsure of what the funeral home will do and what you need to take care of. In most circumstances, their role is to ensure that you are not burdened with the practical details, so you can be with family and friends to mourn your loved one without worries.

If your loved one’s death was not unexpected — and even if it was — you may have made arrangements with them previously to ensure that their wishes after death were respected. Sometimes, funeral arrangements are part of your loved one’s estate planning.

For older adults, in particular, it is worth having discussions about funeral wishes, even if the conversation is difficult. 

Few people enjoy talking about their passing, but having this information ahead of time can be a great relief to surviving loved ones. What you discuss will vary from person to person, but some options might include:

• Do they wish to donate any of their organs or their body to science?
• Do they have a preference on where or how they would like to be buried, or if they would prefer to be cremated?
• What would they like at their memorial? Is there certain music or particular texts they would like to have read? Do they have a preference about who will give a eulogy or preside over the service?
• Do they have a will or other financial documents, and if so, where are they kept? If not, encourage them to make one if possible.
• Are there specific items they would like to see given to a particular person? A collection of fabric, for example, might go to a child who sews. A collection of ceramic figurines might make a lovely keepsake for a grandchild who admired them. For major bequests, urge your loved one to include these in their will. For minor requests, a written list may suffice.
• Are there particular people they want you to reach out to after their death to notify? Longtime friends, for example, who may live far enough away that they won’t see a local obituary.
• If your loved one wishes, they might want to help write an obituary.

If your senior loved one left wishes for their funeral, you will want to honor them as you plan the service. Your funeral director will help with some of the arrangements. If there is to be a church service, you will need to contact the church office to arrange a date and officiant, as well any musicians you’d like to participate. 

There may be friends or family members who wish to do a reading at the service, and, if permitted by the church, there may be the opportunity for a eulogy. Although your funeral home will arrange transportation to the funeral, you will choose clothing for your loved one to wear. You may also choose flowers for the service. 

Burial vessel

Your loved one may have wanted to be cremated, aquamated, or buried in a shroud or casket. You will work with your funeral director on selecting a casket or urn for your loved one. 

Cremation and aquamation both involve urns. Caskets range roughly from $2,000-$5,000, and may be the most expensive element of the funeral. Most caskets are steel or wood, or a combination of both, but fiberglass, bronze, and copper are also available. Increasingly, green caskets, which are biodegradable, are available for green burials.

Once again, a good funeral director can provide guidance in making cemetery and burial arrangements. If you have instructions from the deceased, you may find that most decisions have been made. They may already have a cemetery plot purchased, for example, in which case you’ll need to contact the owner of the cemetery (often a church) to let them know the arrangements. 

Confirm with the cemetery if a burial liner is needed to prevent sinking, and any other restrictions for the burial. Cemetery officials should be the ones to arrange for a grave to be dug, but your funeral director may be the one to contact them. Your funeral director can also help you with the decisions needed to create a headstone. 

If your loved one will be cremated or aquamated, you may choose to have the ashes buried, placed in a columbarium, scattered, or the urn placed in someone’s home. If the ashes are to be scattered, it’s important to know that although there are no state laws that prohibit this, you will want to get permission if you scatter the ashes on private land or government-owned property.

If the obituary was not written before your loved one’s death, you may need to create one now. The obituary can be a memorable way to pay tribute to your loved one. Although there are a few elements you’ll want to consider, you are free to make your obituary as unique as the person it memorializes, and humor may even be appropriate in some cases.

Here are a few elements to consider adding:

• An announcement of the death
• A summary of their life story — this is likely to be the longest section, and might include work history, significant travels, membership in organizations or churches, military service, and more.
• Hobbies and special interests
• Special accomplishments or awards
• A story about the deceased that highlights their character
• Where they grew up
• A list of close family members—usually includes parents, spouse, children, but may also include devoted caregivers, longtime friends, and beloved pets
• Information on the funeral or memorial service
• Directions on preferred charities for donations in the person’s memory. These often include instructions to make a charitable donation “in lieu of flowers.”
• A photo of the deceased

Invitations allow you to reach out to your loved one’s friends and family and offer them the opportunity to participate in a meaningful way in remembering the deceased. Include the basics: the full name of the deceased, the date, time, and location of the service, RSVP details, and any special requests for attendees (“feel free to bring photos of Mom to display afterwards,” for example). 

The tone of the invitation can be formal or informal, and can include personal touches, such as a photograph of the deceased or a work of art that they loved or created themselves. Invites may also include an expression of gratitude, such as “we appreciate your support during this challenging time.”

Traditionally, invitations were mailed to recipients, but invites can also be emailed, texted, or sent through other social media channels, especially if the service is on the informal side.

At some point during your interactions with the funeral director, ask them for copies of the death certificate. Funeral homes are often able to provide these documents. If not, you will need to contact your local vital records office. In some states, they can be ordered online. You will need this important document as you begin closing out your loved one’s accounts, subscriptions, and more. It’s a good idea to ask for between eight and 12 original certificates.

When will you need the death certificate? In the weeks following the funeral, you will most likely spend time wrapping up the many practical details of your senior loved one’s life. Some examples of tasks you’ll undertake may be to close out the following:

• Utilities: gas, electric, water, etc.
• Life insurance policies
• Real estate
• Stocks and bonds
• Income tax returns
• Social Security
• Employer benefits and pensions
• Subscription services
• Bank accounts

Having the death certificate can also help you reduce the chances of identity theft, since it is not uncommon for thieves to attempt to steal the identity of a deceased person.

Soon after your loved one has passed, you will need to locate their will, if one exists, or other estate planning documents. Hopefully, this will be something you discussed previously with the decedent, especially if you are the executor or are a beneficiary. 

You will likely want to hire a lawyer to help with the disbursement of the estate and any other end-of-life matters that arise, in addition to the executor named in the will. If your loved one had a trust, the other trustees can tell you who the trust’s attorney is. 

If you loved one had a will, the funeral parlor staff may be able to locate a local lawyer with relevant experience, which can be useful if the death happened in a location other than your own. Be aware that settling estates can take a while — even years, in some cases.

Another element to consider is the fact that sometimes another person’s death can impact your own will. If the deceased person was mentioned in your estate document, you will want to update this document to reflect their passing. 

To fully address the legal issues that may arise when a loved one dies, consult Caring’s Financial & Legal Resources Guides.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the median cost of a funeral in 2023 with a casket and burial was $8,300, while a funeral that included cremation and an urn had a median cost of $6,280. 

If you are planning to pay for the funeral from the deceased’s bank accounts, you may be able to access funds by presenting a death certificate to the bank, as well as proof that you are authorized. This authorization might be a court order, a letter from the executor, or another legal document. 

Keep in mind that most funeral homes will ask for at least a partial payment up front, so funding will need to be available soon after the death. Since it can take months or even years to settle the estate, using funds from this source may not be the best solution.

There may be other options to pay for burial costs, however, including the following:

• Life Insurance: To claim the death benefit of a life insurance policy, the beneficiary will need to file a claim that includes a death certificate. Depending on the insurer, it can take anywhere from a few days to several months for the funds to be released. In some cases, if there is a delay in payment, you may need to assign some of the policy’s benefits to the funeral home, although not all funeral homes are willing to accept payment via a life insurance claim.
• Veteran’s Benefits: All eligible veterans are entitled to burial in a national cemetery with no cost for the gravesite, headstone, vault, and interment. Veterans’ spouses and dependents are entitled to some burial benefits, as well. Talk to your local VA representative for more information. 
• Final Expense Insurance: also called burial insurance, this type of policy is intended to cover funeral and end-of-life expenses. Usually, it is purchased with a death benefit of $25,000 or less.
• Pre-Need Insurance: Like final expense insurance, this is intended for funeral costs. The difference is that pree-need insurance is purchased from a specific funeral home rather than a life insurance carrier. It is generally chosen and paid for ahead of time, often by the deceased. These policies vary widely in what they cover, depending on the funeral home.
• Payable on Death (POD) Account: This type of account keeps money out of probate to make it immediately available after the death of the account owner. It overrides the person’s will, with a named beneficiary who can draw on the money to pay for funeral costs.
• Funeral Loan: If you are planning to pay for a loved one’s funeral with funds that will be disbursed from the estate, but are worried it will take too long for the money to be available, many lenders offer funeral loans to tide you over. These allow you to pay for the costs of the funeral as they arise, and can later be paid off when estate funding becomes available. 
• Social Security Death Benefit: In some cases, the surviving spouse or child of a deceased person may be eligible for a one-time $255 payment from the Social Security Administration. You may apply by calling or visiting your local Social Security office.

Although the basic elements of a funeral are fairly standard — choosing a casket, selecting a funeral home, and planning the service, for example — there is also ample room to customize the experience to better reflect the life of your loved one. 

It’s not uncommon to follow a funeral with a luncheon or reception, where guests have the opportunity to share an anecdote about the deceased person. You might include a tribute video or photo slideshow with images of your loved one. A special guest book will allow guests to leave memories. 

You might also consider a living memorial to honor your loved one, like planting a flowering tree in a local park, with a small plaque in front, or starting a scholarship fund at a local school in your loved one’s memory.

If your loved one cared about environmental issues, you might consider a green burial that minimizes the ecological impact of embalming chemicals and non-biodegradable caskets. Some cemeteries set aside a section that is allowed to grow wild, where native plants grow tall and artificial landscaping is avoided. Although this practice is recent, many states now have green cemeteries and allow for green burials.

When looking at how to plan a funeral, there are multiple tasks to consider, from arranging transportation of the body to choosing your loved one’s final resting site. Funeral arrangements may also be complicated by the fact that you are mourning the loss of a parent or other loved one. You may be exhausted from intense end-of-life care, or perhaps you are reeling from a sudden death. Caring’s Funeral Planning Guide tells you what to expect in the days and weeks following the death of a loved one, to help make planning a funeral that honors and memorializes your loved one a moving experience for all participants.

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