Starting The Conversation: How to Talk to Your Parents About Assisted Living

When talking to your parents or senior loved ones about assisted living, demonstrate patience and respect for their wishes. If you have observed that your loved one is struggling with daily life in their own home, our guide to having “the talk” can help you understand the next steps.

In 2024, the American Community Survey revealed that the U.S. had 61 million residents aged 65 or older. Per Caring’s assisted living statistics survey, slightly more than 1 million of those seniors live in assisted living facilities. The U.S. census projects that 1 in 5 Americans will reach retirement age by 2030, suggesting that the need for robust senior care options will increase. 

While it may be challenging, it is important to have early and thoughtful discussions about caring with your aging relatives.

Dr. Michelle Feng, a geriatric psychology specialist and Chief Clinical Officer at Executive Mental Health, recommends initiating open discussions with your parents about senior care early on, even before physical or cognitive challenges arise. She also suggests linking the conversation to positive life events, such as buying a house or having grandchildren, to make it less intimidating. By doing so, you can frame it as a natural part of life’s journey and not as a crisis.

When planning “the Talk,” be alert to these signs that your senior loved ones might need assistance.

As people age, changes in the brain make it more difficult to remember things. Forgetfulness is also a symptom of some medical and psychological conditions, but there is a difference between normal memory loss and dementia. We all forget where our keys are from time to time, but if your loved one consistently displays any of these symptoms, it may be time to consider assisted living, or a more focused solution such as a memory care facility or nursing home.

• Forgetting to turn off the stove, or any action that impacts their safety
• Memory loss that disrupts daily life, like forgetting appointments
• Difficulty completing familiar tasks, such as setting the microwave or recording a TV show
• Confusion over the day or time
• Consistently forgetting words when speaking or writing
• Problems taking care of monthly bills or balancing accounts

Our 2025 Senior Mental Health Survey found that 1 in 3 seniors have a clinical diagnosis of depression, often due to significant life changes like retirement, health issues, or mobility-related hobby restrictions. Depression symptoms in older adults may include:

• Moodiness
• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Irritability, restlessness, or trouble sitting still
• Decreased energy levels
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Eating more or less than usual, with accompanying weight loss or gain
• Increased use of alcohol or drugs
• Thinking or talking about death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• Canceling social plans
• Missing appointments

Although assisted living isn’t a universal solution for clinical depression, it can be beneficial for those whose depression stems from isolation and loneliness, as assisted living offers community.

Every year, more than 3 million adults aged 65 and above are treated in emergency rooms for fall-related injuries, leading to roughly 1 million hospitalizations. Be vigilant for fall indicators like broken bones, bruises, or head injuries, and a reduced engagement in usual activities due to fear of falling.

Arthritis, vision problems, and other medical conditions may make it difficult for older adults to move around. If you’re concerned about mobility loss, watch for signs such as difficulty walking, climbing stairs, and other basic movements.

Older people tend to need fewer calories as they age due to decreased physical activity levels, but noticeable, sudden weight loss may be a cause for concern. If your parent or senior loved one loses a lot of weight rapidly, it could be a sign of gastrointestinal disease, cancer, or a psychiatric disorder. If your loved one continues to live in their own home, it may be helpful to work with them to develop a nutritional program that ensures they will be eating properly each day.

It can become difficult for older adults to maintain an appropriate level of personal hygiene, and especially to manage their activities of daily living (ADLs) such as grooming, dressing, and toileting. Be alert to the following symptoms that they are struggling, and may benefit from the increased care of an assisted living facility:

• Body odor
• Bad breath
• Unbrushed or tangled hair
• Ragged, unclipped finger or toenails
• Unwashed dishes in the sink
• Spoiled food
• Insect or rodent activity in the home
• General lack of good housekeeping in the home

In 2023, according to the Centers for Disease Control, there were 9,534 deaths in the U.S. from unintentional poisonings and burns in adults aged 65 and older, and more than 192,000 non-fatal injuries from the same causes. 

When visiting your parents or senior loved ones, look for visible signs of burns, such as red skin, scarring, blisters, and peeling skin. If you’re concerned about unintentional poisoning, ask your senior loved ones about abdominal pain, nausea, trouble breathing, vomiting, and other possible poisoning symptoms.

Talking to your parents about assisted living is likely to take time and may involve more than one conversation. They may feel that such a move will take away their independence, and that can be frightening. Your parents may be unwilling to accept your suggestions that they consider assisted living. 

Take it slowly, and always be respectful of their wishes and needs. As much as possible, let them make the decisions that are best for their care, while always being mindful of medical treatments and financial limitations. Here are several tips that may help make these conversations go more smoothly:

Before initiating a conversation about senior care, prepare by consulting medical experts or researching online. Dr. Feng advises using a relevant article as a starting point. You might say, “I read an article about senior care and want to understand your wishes so I can honor them. What are your thoughts?” This method is key to showing you’re prioritizing your loved ones’ interests and not deciding alone.

Put yourself in their shoes, and consider how you might feel if someone wanted to uproot you, possibly from a home you’ve lived in for decades, to move to a new, unknown location. Be patient and empathetic, and give them the time they need to become accustomed to these new ideas. If you feel yourself becoming angry, or your loved ones are exhibiting strong negative emotions, pull back a bit, take a break, and revisit the discussion after you have some distance and all participants are calmer.

Involving seniors in decision-making is a must, as it respects their independence and makes them more open to discussing long-term care and estate planning. Avoid making all the decisions on your own; present your parents with options that let them feel involved in their own futures.

When starting a tough conversation, let your senior loved ones know that your primary concern is their well-being, not making your life easier. Dr. Feng suggests conveying care with words like, “Mom, Dad, I love you and want you around as long as possible. Let’s talk about what matters to you now and in the future, so I can support your wishes.” 

Planning for their long-term care may have both health and financial implications for your family, and managing the process correctly can allow your senior loved ones to ensure that they will have a legacy to pass on to their heirs. 

Talk to them about the costs involved in aging in place in their own homes as opposed to paying the costs of assisted living. 

Are your parents amenable to moving to assisted living? Here’s what you can do next:

• Determine If They Need Memory Care: Use the five-word memory test to see if your loved one needs memory care or is merely experiencing age-appropriate forgetfulness.
• Research Facilities: If your parent wishes to remain in the same region where they live, make a list of local assisted living facilities. If they are considering a move to another area, they may want to look at Caring’s guide to the Best States for Independent Living. 
• Use All Available Resources: Caring’s Assisted Living Resource Hub has plenty of articles to get you and your loved one up to speed on the processes and questions you’ll need to know to find the best facility.
• Consider Finances: Paying for assisted living can be challenging for some senior adults and their families. The median monthly cost of assisted living in the U.S. is $5,900, but your own costs may differ. Medicare can pay for some of the services of assisted living, but it does not cover room and board. 
• Choose Your Facility: To choose the best facility for your loved one, research the care and service available. Tours are important, and ask any questions you have while you’re there. Read online reviews, and ask your friends for their recommendations as well. Our Caring Family Advisors can help you book tours and find assisted living within your budget. Reach them for free assistance at (800) 558-0653.

• ACS (American Community Survey) demographic and housing estimates. (2024). U.S. Census Bureau
• Bursack, Carol Bradley. (2025). How to convince your parent to move to assisted living. AgingCare.com
• Calculate the cost of long-term care near you. (2024). Carescout.com
• Depression and Older Adults. (2025). National Institute on Aging
• Donovan, Nancy J., et al. (2020). Social isolation and loneliness in older adults: review and commentary of a national academies report. American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry
• Facts about falls. (2024). Centers for Disease Control
• Falls and fractures in older adults: causes and prevention. (2022). National Institute on Aging
• Feng, Michelle. (2021). Personal Interview
• Memory problems, forgetfulness, and aging. (2023). National Institute on Aging
• Nutrition for older adults. (2024). MedlinePlus, National Library of Medicine
• Older people projected to outnumber children for first time in U.S. history. (2018). U.S. Census Bureau
• Pavlou, Maria P., et al. (2008). Self-neglect in older adults: A primer for clinicians. Journal of General Internal Medicine
• Poisoning. (2023). FamilyDoctor.org
• Web-based injury statistics query and reporting system. (n.d.). U.S. Census Bureau
• 6 tips for when your senior parent needs, but refuses, assisted living. (2025). The Arbor Company
• 10 early signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’s and dementia. (2025). Alzheimer’s Association