I think that The Oaks is an extremely caring place, and their staff are compassionate and insightful around people with dementia. The building itself is lovely and designed to provide as much freedom as possible. If I were to develop dementia, I would want to go there, or to a place like it. BUT ... I would do it differently! My husband had medical problems which worsened rapidly when I placed him there. He died within two months, before any of us really had time to realize what was happening. I am haunted by this, and wonder constantly what I would change if I could do it again. I think that the bottom line is that most dementia facilities cannot (and rarely claim to) provide 1:1 care. We should think of them as "venues" to continue the caregiving that we have been providing at home. They just can't provide "soup to nuts" physical and emotional care! I understood that in terms of my husband's psychological well-being; I knew that their daily activities, even with 2-3 hour daily visits by me, could not fill his day emotionally. So I concentrated on finding people to come in and engage with him on a 1:1 basis (art and music therapy, etc.) But I was so focused on his emotional well-being that I did not realize, during the first few weeks, that he was losing weight rapidly. He had malabsorption syndrome and needed to eat and drink extraordinary amounts. He was not a "normal" patient, but he didn't need complex medical care, just hands-on attention to make sure that he didn't ever miss a meal or a dose of his meds. The fact is that there is no way that The Oaks or any other place can provide that kind of attention ... if your family member needs 1:1 attention, don't assume that they will get it in a facility. And how could they? The aides, even the very best ones, are not paid as much as they deserve, but they do the best they can; and the facilities themselves probably cannot afford to hire more aides. If your family member is eating well at breakfast, don't assume that they are eating well at lunch... go there and see for yourself. If they don't like the food, then supplement it yourself as needed. Most of us who finally place a beloved family member do so after years of at-home caregiving, and we want to assume that the facility will simply take on the caregiving routines that we have developed. But I realized too late that the early months in a facility are crucial, and that you need to be a bit of a "helicopter" relative, even if it annoys the facility. Take in a scale to weigh your family member, bring in food, make sure that medications are taken (and make sure that you know what medications are being given), whatever it takes. Don't worry about trivial things like clothes missing from the laundry; that is the price of the freedom of movement that may be essential for self-respect. But watch out for their medical well-being. People can really go downhill fast in the most well-meaning places!