How Often Should You Visit A Spouse In Memory Care?

You should visit a spouse who is in memory care on a regular basis or as often as you and the care team deem necessary. Because memory loss is a personal experience, what works for one person may not work for another. It’s necessary to find a middle ground between your wants and your spouse’s needs, and a memory care team can help you create a visitation plan that works for both.

Memory loss can set in quickly or gradually, depending on the senior’s individual aging process. Often, it starts with small forgetful moments about things the person knows well, such as a relative’s name, a familiar task or a favorite recipe for which they suddenly can’t remember the ingredients.

Your spouse may appear to be fully present during the early stages of memory loss, and all they need is to be “guided back.” Frequent visits may work well for you both. Keeping a sense of routine, such as sharing dinner at their facility or watching a favorite show together, may help them stay grounded and feel at home.

As memory loss progresses, your spouse may experience agitation or anxiety. They may be aware that they’re losing their memory, which can be an extremely frustrating experience. Your spouse may lash out, ask you to go away or say unkind things. These difficult moments or days can be upsetting and make it challenging to find the right visitation schedule. Their memory loss and the symptoms they’re experiencing aren’t a reflection of their love for you, especially on bad days. However, if you or your spouse experience distress because of memory care visits it’s okay to adjust your schedule so you can take care of yourself. Consider breaking your visits into shorter chunks. For example, if you’ve been visiting 3 days per week for a few hours each time, try one hour. In later stages of memory loss, it’s common for people to get easily overwhelmed, so shorter visits may help. Try to visit on the same days each week, around the same time, if possible.