Widows and widowers
This group would be for widows and widowers and how they are coping with the loss of their loved ones, their challenges and what helps them to deal with this situation.
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29 days ago
husband died in nov2016/i have a question about my va survivors pension i already recieve it and cant find a relavent forum to ask the question i have
in 2001 he suffered a trumatic braininjury,i have been his sole caregiver for 16 yrs.everything maid banker yardman etc. his heart was compromised by the tbi and comas.he was given a max of 5 yrs to live had him for almost 16..
now i am living in a place i hate in a house i dont want. still paying mortgage if i sell the house i will get about 30k profit maybe 40k if i am lucky. i want to use this to buy a house back home,will i lose my pension if i sell the house
am i stuck here for the rest of my life. no family no car nopublic transportation.nearest commerce 10 miles away cant buy groceries etc shop on line to eat sorry this isnt the right forum iam just so exhausted from all of this.. cant seem to get an answer out of va. gonna try again tomorrow.but thought i would try this. va forums are of no use told me everything wrong when he died.
3 months ago
Lost my second wife to cancer November 22nd, tomorrow will be 5 months. I lost my first wife in 2010 to colon cancer, remarried a wonderful, beautiful woman and lost her to Leiomyosarcoma.
Both wives have died in the same house, same room, 6 years apart. December was almost unbearable, l thought I was going crazy. I'm doing the best I can, attending a grief support group, trying to be social. I've had a few glasses of wine as I write this, it helps numb my sense of loneliness, nights are the most difficult. I miss a companion, a soulmate. Some days are easier than others, weekends, Friday nights are toughest. I'm retired, we were both supposed to retire together, and then the unthinkable happened, again. I thought wife's were supposed to outlive their husbands?! I think I broke the mold on that one, in fact, my grief support group consists of 9 people, I'm the only man.
I'm trying to exercise as much as I can, trying to be realistic and "Own" my grief (If I hear that again I'll scream).
Thanks for letting me share. Also, I'm selling my house of seven gables next month.
4 months ago
My husband passed away 6 months ago suddenly from a heart attack. He was 55. Since then I have never felt so lonely and afraid in my life. How am I going to do this on my own. My special needs son of 28 lives with us. I work full time and he is in a day program. I have few friends or family. The family I do speak with is telling me I need to "get over it and move on". That grief isn't healthy for me. To take off my wedding ring. They were telling me this after 4 months. Really? I quit talking to them 3 weeks ago. I think they are the ones not healthy for me. I have good and bad days still. Wish I could stop crying at the drop of a hat. I'm afraid I wont be able to take care of my son, pay the mortgage and bills etc. by myself. By the grace of God I have been able to keep up with everything for the past six months. I found a scripture, rather it found me via a mailing from Joyce Meyer and I read it all day long. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", Declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". I received this about 3 weeks ago. Thank you for listening.
4 months ago
I'm a widower having lost my wife of 49 years to brain cancer six months ago. Five months before her death, she had a devastating stroke caused by a bleed from the tumor. She was partially paralyzed and, at the end, couldn't speak or swallow. It was ghastly and beyond horrendous. I am haunted by how she died and the fact that she was only 73. I'm 74, am totally isolated in my house, located in a NYC suburb. My two sons and their families, and my grandchildren, live and hour and two hours from me. I do attend a support group, twice a month, and meet with two social workers, once a week and twice a month for the other. I have met a woman to whom I'm very much attracted. she two years younger, still works in her own business, but 'm with her it's like I'm transported to another place and like a drought stricken plant coming to life after being watered. I've told her that but I'm not sure if she sees me only as a companion and friend or, most hopefully, something deeper and more intense with some degree of physical intimacy involved. I try to attend adult ed classes but I'm socially isolated. I've thought about going into an so called adult community but there's nothing certain about meeting new friends there. Do any of you have any helpful ideas?
left out widow said...
11 months ago
My husband was a veteran and since deceased in 2012 although he service peacetime and not wartime and when he got of service he was diginos as having TBI and he recieved social sceruity as having PTSD THE VETERAN AFFAIRS still dont want to give me as a veteran widow any help where can i get the needed help to get help from
about 1 year ago
Hi I am new on this post I just lost my husband to Congestive Heart Failure on June 12,2016 on my in-laws 50th Wedding Anniversary, they have a positive look on it they said their son got his wings on the Golden Anniversary, that is such a sweet thing to say about my husband he was a good person, I will miss him terribly we were married for 21 years would of been 22 on July 15,2016 our son will be 21 on July 18th 2016, John would of been proud of our son turning 21 next month. I moved in with my Dad he lived alone now I am here to keep him company and help him he will be 93 in September I was born on his birthday on the 27th. Hope everyone has a nice 4th. I feel more at peace with my husband passing I will miss him but not suffering and in pain he suffered a year and a half. God was merciful on him he was also blind in his left eye and partially on his right also. Have a nice holiday weekend, Your Friend, Lisa C
about 1 year ago
I lost my husband to cancer 3 months ago.He was 55 years old. I was his sole caregiver throughout his 8 month battle while working full-time remotely.. I took him to all 39 of his radiation treatments and all his doctor appointments, helping him into a wheel chair and battling stairs and elevators. We always had hope and kept believing he would get better and would beat this. As time went on I could see he was declining slowly and the medications and treatments weren't working. I had worked for a hospice as an admin prior to my current job and so I was familar with what was happening and although I didn't want to face it I was preparing for the worst. My routine became more and more difficult as he became weaker and unable to do many of the things he used to do. I was managing his meds, getting him dressed, bathing and transferring him from bed to wheel chair. We never talked about him dying as it was too difficult for both of us to ever mention. We were both so sensitive and couldn't bear the thought of either one of us losing one another. After 6 hospitalizations we started hospice services in which an RN came in 2 times a week. During his final weeks I was assisting with feeding, caring for a foot wound, bed sores and assisted with his catheter. Not once in the 8 months that he suffered did he ever complain, swear or raise his voice out of anger. He was more concerned of how he felt he was a burden to me and others. He died with all of his family surrounding him as I laid beside him with my hand on his heart feeling those last beats until there were none. Caring for him was what I wanted to do and would have never done it any other way and I am so grateful that we were together the whole time and he was comfortable at home surrounded by his dog, cats and me.The first month after he passed was extremely difficult as I was no longer needed, no longer looking at the clock for medications to be given, no more asking him if he was okay and needing anything, no longer laying beside him and holding his hand and sharing our gratitude and love for one another. I felt so lost, so empty. Grieving everyday is a part of my life now. It doesn't seem to get easier. No matter who I talk to or where i go or what entertainment i have for the moment, there is still always that sharp pain that hits your heart everyday. The pain is deeper than anything imaginable. Unless you have experienced it yourself grief is a very difficult process to go through as I am finding everyday and there is no time limit as well as no end date as to when it will stop as it will always be with you. i am understanding now as time goes on this is something that I will have to learn to live with and accept as a part of the rest of my life. I feel writing my experience has already helped me and reading the other letters of people who are going through the same thing has given me encouragement and strength.
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