Caring for a Spouse
Welcome to this online support group for spousal caregivers! Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for your husband, wife or partner. Talk about ailments and treatments, caregiving and relationship challenges, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back to this online support group as often as you need to feel less alone. Some featured conversations to help you get started...
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Beyond Tired said...
2 days ago
A situation that I've seen repeated, wondering how you all would handle it............When I take hubby out with me to the store. The cashiers/baggers/who-ever will talk to me. "How are you? Did you find everything.....etc" but totally ignore him even after he's spoken to them. He says he feels invisible and that it's because he's blind and disabled. I hear about it every time we go out. I do feel bad as it hurts his feelings, but at a loss at how to remedy it.
3 days ago
The tears finally came. Feeling quite overwhelmed with my husband's incessant anger with me. Today he accused me of trying to keep him from receiving his oxygen delivery when I'm the one who orders it every week and confirms delivery. It's my fault if the company doesn't follow through. But he says I was being spiteful because he hadn't given me a small bal remaining from the monthly bill money that he gives me. First of all, i'm not even mad about that. Second, when have I ever let something like that prevent me from ordering his oxygen??? I don't get why he insists on creating the worst scenarios in his head about me. All the while expecting me to push through all of that and be affectionate with him. I'm trying really hard to stay in this marriage, not just because he's sick, but because I left marriages before when they got difficult. I'm trying not to do that this time. But I don't know how to be happy at home with this behavior. All the accusations, mumblings under his breath about what I don't care about and such. I'm afraid of what internal stress over this relationship is doing to me. I pray this passes. My birthday is in a few weeks. I'd like to enjoy it.
5 days ago
Back home from my wknd trip. I made two mistakes: letting my husband drop me off at the airport and letting him pick me up. Before leaving he decided to take a shower at the time we were supppsed to be leaving. I don't even know to explain what happened with him picking me up but I feel like our relationship is simply toxic. I had hoped for... not sure what I expected when o came home but certainly not this bull.
Nevertheless I'm so glad I went away with my son. We had such a nice trip!
5 days ago
I am at a loss. I wrote a couple months ago as my wife is getting worse, I just lost my brother this week almost a year after I lost my sister, Aunt, cousin, Nephew, and Sister-in-Law. I'm taking care of my wife 24/7 and now trying to give my baby sister support as we are the only ones left. I am broken, Any support I had before is all gone now. It's just me trying to care for my wife. I rarely sleep and cant do anything right in her eyes, We.ve been together almost 49 years now. Once was intimacy or any closeness is long gone for over a year. All I do now is pay bills, heck email, sit alone and help her all I cab. The tears come at times and cant stop. Her words are hurtful and I know that the love we once had is different, She cant help it . My love for her is steadfast. She is a brittle diabetic, has IBS, brain shunt, had a stroke, quadruple open heart, cancer, disks removed from her neck, leg stints, loss of eye sight, and hearing, I don't know what to do anymore,
7 days ago
C: "My brother is coming over today to take me to Bank of America." Translation: My forty something year old son either still isn't working or got fired again and needs more money and I don't want to tell you because I don't want to hear your response.
Me later: "I don't feel like cooking this evening. I'm tired and going to bed."
Translation: If you are well enough to go marching into Bank of America then I don't see why you can't walk to the kitchen and scramble and egg or make a sandwich or grab a bottle of water for yourself once in awhile.
One sandwich later.....I now have a free pass with NO GUILT to go spend 1 night to see my mom and stepmom. Now I know he can do it. He would just prefer not to.
Thank goodness I am working today.
An anonymous caregiver said...
8 days ago
Husband acted very ugly all day yesterday. Today, I want to avoid being around him but he needs me to do many things for him. I went into the bedroom to say good morning. He is still acting ugly. There are times it would be easier on me if he just die. I know he is miserable. But so am I.
9 days ago
Are there any helpful books with tips on caregiving a spouse? I don't mean the emotional aspect of it (which I also need, but not in a book); actual, useful tips and strategies for dealing with things like hygiene, toilet, how to save money on supplies (I'm spending a small fortune on bed pads each week--not covered by insurance), nutritional ideas (his appetite is gone), etc. I have found a lot of "chicken soup for the caregivers soul" -type titles on Amazon.com, but nothing that has helpful ideas on the day-to-day mechanics of caring for a spouse. What type of bedpan works best? Is there any really good alternative to a urinal? -- does anyone have any experience with external catheters? What are some strategies for dealing with bowel incontinence? Things like that.
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