Caring for a Spouse
Welcome to this online support group for spousal caregivers! Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for your husband, wife or partner. Talk about ailments and treatments, caregiving and relationship challenges, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back to this online support group as often as you need to feel less alone. Some featured conversations to help you get started...
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What's New Today
about 9 hours ago
My husband's 50th bday is this week. I'd planned to invite some ppl over to celebrate but we are in such a bad place, I don't think I can pull it off. All he does is accuse me of dogging him out. I say one thing about something he's not doing or didn't do it and he turns it into, "you're always so negative." Last year this time, I looked forward to trying to help him enjoy his birthday. Now I barely want to be around him myself.
I don't know how much longer I can live with him like this. It doesn't feel like any love between us. We don't know how to talk to each other. I already feel like the week is about to be strained
about 11 hours ago
My wife was diagnosed with rectal cancer stage four, three years ago. She was just given 4 weeks to live and the changes are quick. I take care of her mostly myself. I feel so lost and I am not sure what to do, I guest I just needed a place to vent with people that would understand .
about 14 hours ago
so, I'm not sure where to begin, my wife was in a car accident several years ago and suffered a very seriously spinal cord injury. Sense then, it seems like things have just gotten worse for her. She is on so many different medication to try and help with the constant pain that she is in and there not much that I can do to help her except to try and make her feel as comfortable as possible. Her breathing has began to get worse and now requires 3L of O2. She is afraid to be left alone, fearing that something might happen to her and I won't be there to help her, I'm feeling alone in this situation and no-one that I know can truly appreciate how I am feeling because they are not going through it.
1 day ago
We had a good day today. The PT came today for the one month reassessment and she was very impressed with how Bill is progressing. I took 5 bags of clothes to Good Will and I am not done yet. Today is our 33rd Anniversary. We went out to dinner to celebrate and got home in time to watch the Cubs hopefully defeat the Dodgers and move onto the World Series. Fingers crossed.
Tomorrow back to my spring (fall) cleaning and Bill has Speech Therapy. Next Saturday is my birthday, and if all is going well, we plan to take a trip out to Austin to visit my daughter. Keep your fingers crossed.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend as well.
3 days ago
Whew! I got the cleaning bug today. Did all the laundry and got it put away. Then went through Bill's closet and came up with 4 bags of clothes to go to Goodwill, and I know that is not all. Poor guy has gone from a mens small to men's extra large since he got sick just over a year ago. The steroids he is on have really added on the weight. They have tried weaning him off of them several times, and he is now literally unable to function without them, as last time was in August when he ended up in the hospital and would not wake up for a week.
I cannot stand clutter. It makes me feel anxious, so it gave me such a sense of satisfaction to clean out the little bit I got through. I still have to tackle my closet, as well as my shoes (which I had already pared down when I retired last year, but I feel like I can still let go of more, our out of seasons clothes closet (which has turned into an everything closet and is a giant mess. I am anxious to get this project completed, because as I get older I am coming to the mindset that less is more.
I hope everyone is having as productive of a day. I have a short break and then back to the closets after dinner. I hope to complete them all this weekend. Then I will move on to my kitchen cupboards.
Have a great weekend everyone.
Tina D said...
4 days ago
I used to love being by myself to read. I would get annoyed when my husband would interrupt a good book and want me to pay attention to him. He and my son would always say come watch a movie with us and I would say no. I should have went!! I should have realized my Husband and my Son are more important. Now my son stays away, his Dads cancer is too much for him to face. My Husband is in bed sleeping most of the time and I get the alone time I wanted so much and I hate every silent moment. The saying " be careful what you ask for because you may just get it" I have learned it's true.
4 days ago
I'm 29 and I've been with my partner for about 2 years now, and at the very beginning he told me he was recently diagnosed with a disease called Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia. It's a neuro-degenerative disease that mainly slowly causes increasing muscle weakness and stiffness in the legs, effecting his ability to walk. It effects everyone differently as there are over 20 different kinds- some people can still walk, some with a cane, and some end up in wheelchairs. Over the past two years he's gone from a limp to using a cane nearly every time he leaves the house. It effects his energy levels as he tires much more quickly, as well as his ability to be 'intimate' when he's tired. He used to be extremely active and he is still struggling on adapting to life not being able to do the things he once loved and finding alternate activities which he can participate in.
Of course it's difficult for him and I am very sensitive to his needs and feelings, but it's also hard for the non-ill person in the relationship. I never thought about not being with him because of his illness because he is such a great person, but I'm finding it more and more of a struggle on learning how to deal with being in a relationship in which I can't share the things we both used to love doing, staying at home more and more because he doesn't want to go out more often leaving me to do things more on my own and making me feel lonely, low intimacy levels in which I often feel rejected even though I understand that it's just him being tired, and also mixed with being a carer for him and picking up a majority of the responsibilities between us- cleaning the house, doing shopping, etc.
The last thing I want to do is consider separating because our interest are changing(not by his choice) and we can't participate in the same activities together, as well as that feeling of not being wanted or felt special in a relationship sense.
Any advice/experiences are welcome!
5 days ago
Is it possible for someone to feel like they're about to die? My husband has been very angry and mean spirited , more than usual. He's isolating himself from me. He says he misses me but when I come home from work he leaves and then comes back and goes in the back room with the doors closed. I got to bed alone. Usually wake up alone, though sometimes he's gotten into a bed a short time before. Even over my bday weekend, he was being mean and snappy when you'd think he would have been going out of his way because it was my birthday. He's trying to finish his degree in the next 6 months and he says with urgency that he's got to finish before he dies. This kind of reminds me when he first started getting sick. How he knew what was going on but didn't confide in me. I'm concerned that he's experiencing worse symptoms but not telling me and I don't know what to do. Just let him be. Try to get him to talk to me. This strain on top of everything else is awful.
5 days ago
Today was one of those days that my DW's MS was getting the "better" of her. I just want it to end, BUT, I know I have to pull it together and deal with it. My day was turned upside down - had a few things planned, and she decided today had to be "all about her". It is now 4:28AM, and I need to be up at 7:30AM to feed the terriers and get my day going. Some days I really question how deep can I dig inside me. Even if Itook a 2 week solo vacation to northern Finland in January for real isolation, I'd come back and in 24 hours that R&R would be a distant fond event. OK, time for a nap, then get the day going.
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