Caring for a Spouse
Thank you to everyone who has participated in this online support group. We appreciate that you took time to share about your caregiving experiences and helped others as well.
Effective March 1, 2019, though, Caring.com is discontinuing this support group feature on our website.
Questions? Please contact Community@Caring.com
What's New Today
about 8 hours
It looks like they have closed the previous conversation to new comments. I know some are working on a place to meet. I think one of the things Caring may not have realized, is that people came here daily to read, maybe not post. Often we just don't have the energy or will to post. It was encouraging just to know others are in the same boat.
If we can find a new place like this where others can be able to join, I think that is best, and it seems more private than an email or facebook group. I will keep looking, I know others are too. Hopefully they will keep this open for a while so we can communicate a new place.
I feel saddened with others of you to see this group go. I know it made a difference for me., it is the only feature of this website I used. Anyway, blessings to all of you!
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So it is a new day - and I imagine kind of gloomy and snowy all over many parts of the country, making being cheerful a little more challenging. I am seeing February as a strange limbo month - not quite Spring and winter continues on - here more than is typical. We are in a holding pattern and waiting for scans - for the first time in four years my husband declined treatment as this experimental chemo he is getting has almost killed him three times in the past 2.5 months. I made a resolution this year to stop living like he is going to die tomorrow - tethered to the house in constant high alert to his condition - and to get out more. I am doing a very medicor if not poor job at fulfilling my resolutions this year....He looks like hell at this point but I am going to Colorado for an Oscar party - the neighbor is covering for him and I am only six hours away. I will lose my mind if I don't go but if he passes when I am gone I am going to be feeling pretty awful. But he has been in this condition now for two years - and may sustain for another - so I am really struggling with how to balance my life. Also, when I get home from work, the house feels like a black hole sucking all my energy "the sick house" - I know I have control over this and getting out of town will help me reset. Anyway - just a little melancholy on this grey day with more snow on the way.
Hey everyone, I hope you don't mind but I just need someone to talk with. My husband is in rehab at a skilled nursing facility. It is really hard on him mentally. He is scared, and afraid, but won't talk about it. All his strokes have left it difficult for him to talk, so I know he upset. I don't know how to help him. I feel like every time he has some type of event, large or small more of him slips away. Even if he gets better he loses something more. Especially physically. If I can't transfer him I am afraid he will not get to come home. I know that he is afraid of the same. Every night I come home from visiting him and can't do anything but pace and can't focus or go to sleep. I have so much admiration for those that have lost their spouses, I fear my time is coming and don't know what I will do. I also am afraid of the nursing home for him. We aren't rich, but not poor. If he goes to nursing home we won't get aid until what little savings we have is gone, and then I feel selfish in thinking "How will I live?" The person I would partner with to help me with all this is the one person I can't. I was always what I though was a religious person, but I can't help but wonder why does this happen to so many of us? Death is hard reality to face, but this slow decline and living it for years, is just to much. How do I help him? How do I not break? Sorry for so much but it helps to write it down. Thanks for listening
I take an anti-depressant (which I started years ago to combat my OCD). Since Ellen has been getting worse I have been feeling more and more hopeless. Finally occurred to me to try increasing the dosage of my med. Surprise! It helped. Didn't think about it, but it makes sense. Dopamine decreases with stress. If you need to, go get some meds to help you cope. Just stay away from opioids!
It's been weird today. My husband doesn't remember stuff from day to day and sometimes from hour to hour. I have to tell him things over and over; and I have noticed that it is getting worse. So sad to see this once smart man just disappearing right before my eyes. He was in an accident almost 40 years ago that caused him to have a closed head injury (stroke). How do you handle telling your spouse the same things over and over. Today wasn't a good day and I just said that even if I told him (again), he would forget. I am not sure how to handle this. You guys are the only people I have to talk to. All he has to talk about is the past. I can only listen to the same story so many times. Any ideas?
My husband just brought up the subject of sex. Been quiet for a long time. He must be bored. Opening the bathroom door again to take a peak of me in the shower. Got to lock door. I usually try to be discreet with how I walk around. How do I nicely tell him I am not wanting it? I just told him I didn't know why I didn't want it. Can't tell him the truth.....
I hate today Valentine's Day. Even though my childlike husband wished me a happy Valentine's Day. I'm all sad and crying. Days like this you realize things will never be the same. Sometimes he looks like his old self and then he'll say something and I go back to reality. Sorry just needed to tell somebody this.
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