Caring for a Spouse
Welcome to this online support group for spousal caregivers! Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for your husband, wife or partner. Talk about ailments and treatments, caregiving and relationship challenges, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back to this online support group as often as you need to feel less alone. Some featured conversations to help you get started...
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What's New Today
Received disappointing news yesterday. The expert doctor that has been looking into our case, told our lawyer their isn't enough Mal practice or any to hold up in court. My daughter made me feel a little better when she told me if we can make it through the worse time in our lives him being on life support, we can make it through anything.
Today is exactly 6 months since the passing of my husband. Yesterday was 6 months from the date of the house fire that contributed to his death and has turned my life upside down. Surprisingly I wasn't filled with sadness but I certainly was aware of the significance of the day. With so much happening at one time I feel like I had to put my grief on hold to function. We had to move into a rental house. I had all these appts with the investigators, visits to the house, then dealing with the process of having my house rebuilt, my disability claim for work, staying on top of my son with school, coming back to work, functioning in everyday life. I was glad for the month and a half that I was off work. It gave me time alone to cry it all out. Now the crying comes in spurts, never when or how I may expect.
I'm looking forward to a relaxing vacation next month or anticipating the move back to my house. In the meantime I'm trying to keep things in my rental very minimal so when it's time to move again it would be so overwhelming.
Thanks everyone for always listening.
An anonymous caregiver said...
Hello - my 79 yr old wife has been becoming more disabled each day for the past 30 yrs - post polio and ostio arthritus- she is now basically bed bound as she has little strength for mobility and poor balance and falls easily and the fear of falling keeps her from being up and out of bed 99% of the time I'm feeling I am living with a ghost of who she was - we have been married 60 yr July 5th.
Georgia Gal said...
I have been taking care of my 79 year old husband for nearly 4 years now. He is legally blind (muscular degeneration), deaf even with his hearing aids, and mostly in a wheelchair. The problem is he will not stop doing things that are dangerous. He has a shop and he uses power tools, saws, drills, grinders etc. Of course this keeps my nerves on edge. I am scared to go anywhere because he is constantly hurting himself. I am so frustrated that I think about going outside and screaming until I can't scream anymore. He is also a bully. He screams all the time. I guess because he can't hear I can't either. I know God has given me this tas I don't know how much longer I can do this without going out of my mind. HELP
Beyond Tired said...
Hello Everyone, How goes it in caregiver-ing? I'm coming out on the other side of a horrible few days. Hubby's been coughing, can't breath well, fecal blow outs, fluid retention like crazy. Had that doctor appointment that I was dreading, wasn't any help. It took him coming into dialysis breathing super hard and they contacted his kidney doctor. She prescribed him a good antibiotic (that I have to call "stomach medicine" otherwise he won't take it as he freaks out at the word "antibiotic") and finally, finally things are improving. Was only woke up twice last night. Feels like a total blessing to get that much sleep in one night. :) Hope all is going okay for everyone.
Hello everyone, im 36 and my 39 year old husband just underwent his second kidney transplant, the first was about 13 years p ago right after we began dating. He was recently hospitalized with a bacterial infection and spent three weeks in the hospital and now he's back in for another week. We have two young children. Luckily we have a large support community who is willing to help out with kids etc but I am really really struggling with moral support. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am but im tired of being strong. Today I just started crying after the kids went to bed because I miss my husband, I hate thinking of him in pain in the hospital room. And I haven't felt normal in so long. I just want my husband back but after talking to the Dr today im so worried about a future full of sickness and procedures and hospital stays and I just don't know how im going to survive that. I also haven't slept, been at the hospital since 5 am with no sleep the night before. I just need a pep talk. Xo
Wornout Wife said...
So things are not much better. I am making good progress on paying off the debt, and the job is going well although I am exhausted from having to work so hard.
Spouse went to watch a game with his friend a few weeks ago. Drawing at straws, I texted his friend ahead of time (who in the past told me to let him know if he could ever help).
I told him I think we are on the road to splits-ville and that once it is said and done, I have a hunch spouse will have huge regrets but by then it will be too late. I said he is living a retiree lifestyle and our roles are very unbalanced. (He is 54 years old, on SSDI for a back disability, but he is able to walk, drive, go to the gym, go to see bands at night - no where near as bad off as many of the others we read about here). I was hoping maybe his friend could talk some sense in to spouse.
I on the other hand work as a corporate attorney often not getting home at night until well after 7 p.m. due to work demands.
Anyway, his friend did talk to him about my text. Without going into too much detail, spouse took great issue with my characterizing as a “retiree.” He said I “embarrassed him”. He thinks taking care of our rescue dogs at home is comparable to the work I am doing.
Huh? I would give almost anything to be at home with our pups, and he throws that in my face like it is the same as waking up every day at 5 a.m., driving and hour and a half commute back and forth each day, and dealing with constant issues, stress and just plain hard work all day long.
Retiree? What do you think?
I've read so many posts from people who are caregivers for their spouse. I am one also, for 10+ years. I would like to know members' opinions about placement of their spouse in a facility. If they've thought about it - I have. Are there reasons that have prevented you from placing your spouse in a facility? Here's mine - as difficult as it can be at home for both of us, I think my husband would be more miserable in a facility. And I think I would be, too. There are no right or wrong answers. I'm just searching for how other caregivers think about this sensitive topic.
An anonymous caregiver said...
I’m a caregiver of my wife who suffered a massive stroke 4 1/2 years ago! I’m her primary caregiver and the kids help whenever they are not too busy! Our intimacy is nonexistent! I don’t want to cheat on her but I do long for intimacy! It’s been missing every since the stroke! I have to do almost every thing for her! I’m lonely and miss her touch! My days and nights are long and I’m lonely! What advice can someone in my shoes give me!
Mom no longer wife said...
I am 48 years old and my 50 year old husband is deteriorating fast. We have 2 teenage boys, one of whom graduated high school this weekend. Not only was his dad not able to attend he has slept most of the weekend. when he is awake his periods of lucidity are getting shorter and shorter and he falls a lot. He does have a bad heart but we are not positive what has been causing the severe weakness, fatigue and cognitive decline. His doctor says his heart is stable for him and we are getting ready to look into neuromuscular problems. I'm mainly feeling guilty and afraid about having to leave my 14 year old home alone some with him this summer. I am only 10 minutes away, but that can feel like a lifetime if something goes wrong. Just wanted to vent/share. Thanks.
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