Caring for a Spouse
Welcome to this online support group for spousal caregivers! Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for your husband, wife or partner. Talk about ailments and treatments, caregiving and relationship challenges, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back to this online support group as often as you need to feel less alone. Some featured conversations to help you get started...
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What's New Today
about 14 hours ago
I am no good at work today. My husband's behavior last nights is weighing heavily on me. I should probably be at home but he's there so that wouldn't be very helpful. I keep trying to shake it off but I can't. And then he called me. I ignored the first call, then he called again. I answered and he asks--without saying hello--if I know where his keys are. We hang up and he calls again. Still about the keys. He ended up yelling at me about it so I hung up and blocked his call. I got that trick from my daughter. It's been over 2 hours since i started this post and I still haven't been able to focus on work. I pray the Lord's strength falls on me heavily soon.
1 day ago
Hi, I'm LemonsAndRoses, my husband has non small cell carcinoma and he's not doing well. His son, my stepson, died 3 years ago and needless to say, he will never get over this loss. I feel so bad and there's nothing I can do about it. It was a horribly experience that defies description, and I am "only" the stepmother.
I think he's dying. He's terribly thin and never stops coughing and doesn't want to do anything. I have to beg literally to get him to spend time with me. I am retired early due to illness, and I have never had a driver's license, nor do I want one, but he doesnt want me on public transportation and he's not well enough to drive me around even though he says he is. So I'm very alone here. It wasn't bad when I was working 80 hours a week.
I know it's horrible to focus on myself, and I feel so awful about it, but the truth is I've been lonely in this marriage for the entire 15 years. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I will read the posts and get to know you all.
1 day ago
Well gals. This is my last day of living alone and taking care of animals for over 14 months. He will be home tomorrow, I am a mess, I have so may feelings going through my body. I feel like a kid "I don't want to do this'. I want my old life back. I am on Zoloft and haven't cried. Well today all bets are off I can't stop crying. I want the old hubby back. I feel so selfish and ashamed. I hope I can do this. I hear all your stories and now I am actually going to be living your stories. The Nursing Home became like family. I will miss them too. My sister wants to take me to lunch. I don't know if I should go or just stay home with animals knowing I really have no responsibilities like I will have tomorrow. God I feel so alone,
2 days ago
Today's doc appt drained me more than expected. My husband became emotional when the nurse spoke of another patient similar to him who recently had the lung transplant surgery. He is guilt-ridden that he's not doing everything he's supposed to be for his possible healing. As my husband gives excuses for why he's not doing this or that or being dishonest about stuff, I watch the doctors/nurses intently to see their expressions, to determine if they believe him. It doesn't look like it. When the doctor listened to his chest today, she asked him if he was smoking again. The look on her face told me that she could hear it but when he said that he wasn't, she just said, okay, good. I guess doctors aren't going to waste time challenging a patient but they have to know. I avoid looking at them when they ask. I realize today that my husband talks a whole lot during these appts. Perhaps it's his nerves or he doesn't want to give them an opportunity to say too much. I just know that all of his talking worked my nerves, especially with so many untruths he was speaking. The good news is that we are done with both heart and lung specialist until January. He has an appt with the ENT at the end of this week but I might reschedule that because I'm pooped.
3 days ago
Thank you to all of you who kindly responded to my first posting. MelindaM's mention of having gotten shingles from stress reminds me of about 3 years ago when we were going through a particularly bad period and my husband was not sleeping well. I was really stressed out, afraid I would never get another night's sleep and the next thing you know I had broken out in hives with my favorite diagnosis: "no known cause." Since finally getting rid of them, I now take steps to keep my stress under control. Looking for a web site like this one is a new way I can do that. Should have checked it out sooner! Thanks to all and one day at a time is the most important thing.
3 days ago
My husband is out and I'm enjoying some quiet time at home. I took my son over to my mom's to visit his cousins and I came back home to enjoy much of this quiet. You'd think I had enough time while my son was at camp for a week but now that he's back my husband is back acting like I've done something to him. I don't get why my husband is kinder to me when it's just he and I at home. Things weren't perfect while my son was away but we bounced back more quickly than usual. I have to say, though, that the entire time that my son was gone my husband wasn't yelling out my name to help him with things. Why on earth does he feel compelled to yell my son's name throughout the day??? Could he really just be trying to annoy me? Anyway I guess I just have to build up my strength against this annoyance because he's clearly not going to do anything differently.
4 days ago
Just a quick update to say Bill's surgery went very well and he came through like a rock star. He remained in the hospital four days due to the fact that two days after the surgery he had two full blown seizures, which the doctor had told us were a possibility anytime you have brain surgery. Even so, it was still very scary for him and it kinda really freaked me out as well. I am just so thankful he was in the hospital when they happened and the doctor actually was in the room at the time to witness it so they were able to act quickly to put a plan in place to get the seizures under control quickly.
He was released to inpatient rehabilitation where he has been the past week and is working hard and doing great. He is meeting or exceeding all his goals and said he feels great. We expect him to be released Tuesday or Wednesday.
Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. I am so glad we are over the first hurdle in this latest incident.
4 days ago
I'm so glad Melinda said she starts crying when she talks about it. I think I'm fine and strong, and then the X-ray tech, or the dentist's office manager, or a friend at church asks how I am or "Are you doing this alone?" and I get very weepy and may stay that way the rest of the day. It's embarrassing when I'm out in public. But, glad to know I'm not the only cryer.
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