Caring for a Spouse
Welcome to this online support group for spousal caregivers! Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for your husband, wife or partner. Talk about ailments and treatments, caregiving and relationship challenges, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back to this online support group as often as you need to feel less alone. Some featured conversations to help you get started...
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What's New Today
about 10 hours ago
What's even more special is that this month's national stroke awareness month. To think I almost lost my best friend a year ago, and that he only suffers minor setbacks is amazing! My Mom did right by giving him back! Guess all my screaming at her in the hospital last year when Lee was close to death, she heard me! Next month, all of us are doing the strides for stroke walk. I wear my red necklace everyday for a month, for Lee, and my Mom, who unfortunately didn't make it. Those others who suffered and are still. We just bought our canteens for the walk next month also so that we'd have plenty of water!
about 10 hours ago
Friday morning, and raining here. Which makes my back hurt worse. Lee started back to work only in the morning so he can go to PT in the afternoon. I work remote in the afternoon so I can still go with Lee. Part of me doesn't trust him with attending his appointments. We've started working out at the gym again so we can get our exercise.
We just found out this past Sunday, that my Grandma in Orlando Florida has end stages of Liver cancer and may not last the month. Something told me to call her, and that's when she told me she was dying, that she wanted to tell me "Goodbye", in case she didn't see me. She's not eating, cause anything she does eat she can't keep down. Most of my life, she's suffered from alcoholism, and this is the end result. She's 83.
Graduation is this upcoming Thursday, so this Monday, rehearsals begin. It's a night graduation, so the kids don't have to miss school. Although, we are letting them stay home Friday. My stepson made it back home for the summer, and will be interning at the bank I work for, in the legal department! It's a paid internship, so this is a start for him.
My mother in law invited me to attend a Mother's day banquet with her tonight at her Church. Hoping this is a step in the right direction with us, cause she's never invited me to come with her and her daughter. She really didn't begin to warm up to me until I showed her that I was legally adopting the kids. Not sure what that was about but I'm glad.
about 18 hours ago
I feel like I'm grasping at straws, but here I am posting on a website in search of answers and hope.
My husband has Degenerative Disc Disease. He has some days better than others but each day is always painful. He says it's not whether or not he has pain but how much pain he deals with from day to day. He began developing symptoms right after we got engaged and was diagnosed shortly after we got married. Our whole marriage has been overshadowed by his disability. At various times he has been unable to work or has even been on bed rest for months at a time. The first three years of marriage were the worst because we were going through all the normal adjustments of being newlyweds but also the difficulties of a debilitating condition. He lost his job during that time due to his inability to work the long hours required and he became angry and depressed. In the midst of all this, God gave us a miracle in the form of a beautiful baby girl we call G. She is 5 now and is amazing. Knowing that he was going to be a dad helped him to get out of his funk and become motivated to find a job that was more flexible. All this time, I have been a teacher, which is no easy task. The reason I am searching for help is because, as his disease has progressed and I have taken on almost all responsibilities of running the household, I have developed anxiety and mild depression. I have tried to carry on as normal as possible for the sake of my daughter, but truthfully I feel so alone in my marriage and so mentally and emotionally fragile. I feel a lot of guilt about saying thins as simple as "I feel tired" because I'm not the one who can barely walk at times. I feel like I have to justify any pain or illness I develop. And I feel like I have to be the strong one no matter what is going on with me. Two people depend on me, even though one is supposed to be my partner. The pain I feel is all in my mind, but it feels just as real as the pain he experiences. I try so hard not to feel resentment, to have a positive attitude. My husband is not the most supportive. Mostly this comes out when I verbalize my needs or hurts, mental or physical. If I say I had a stressful day, he tells me how hard it is to work even a few hours with back pain. If I say I'm feeling depressed about something, he says I should try living with chronic pain. No matter what I'm dealing with, he always has to remind me that he has it worse. He says his reason for doing this is to show me that he understands struggle but it really just feels like he's trying to tell me my needs don't matter. No one in my family or circle of friends has ever had to care for an ailing spouse, so even though they are caring they really don't understand. So I guess what I'm looking for is people who understand. People who can tell me that my feelings are normal and help me focus on the positive.
An anonymous caregiver said...
1 day ago
I'm new to the site and was wondering how people cope when their spouse is first diagnosed. My 45 year old wife of 19 years was just diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer (non-smoker). we have two teenage daughters and I can't seem to keep positive thoughts in my mind. I keep looking into our future without her and it terrifies me. I'm extremely guilty that I can't be strong and positive currently and it's tearing me up inside.
1 day ago
We just found out my husband has stage IV lung cancer. I am heartbroken. I mean my heart "literally" hurts. We have been together close to 30 years and I don't know what I will do without him. On top of this devastating news, I need to have my 92 year old mother moved from assisted living to a nursing home. I am trying to continue to work, as we REALLY need the money and I am feeling overwhelmed. My husband and I are both Christians and we have a church family praying for us. I just need a place to vent with others going through similar situations. I am really struggling.
2 days ago
Hi. Not sure how all this works but a friend's sister recommended this site. My husband of 32 years has had "mild cognitive impairment" for the past 4 years and just recently he was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Luckily I was able to retire 2 years ago to enjoy our time together. Things have been going almost normal but 2 months ago he through me for a loop when out of nowhere he became delusional about my activities (I was going out with friends several times a week he claimed). I am finding it hard to watch over him without getting in his way and without losing patience.....something I've never had much of to start with. I know I am lucky to have him and our love but sometimes it gets scary when it hits me that this is the longest goodbye I will probably ever experience. I just need to keep forging ahead and remember the story of the Footprints in the Sand. PS Not sure how often I'll get to the site but it feels good o know there are people out there who can understand.
2 days ago
Good Wednesday morning! I finally get to spend the morning just drinking coffee and watching my birds outside...My mom was here for the weekend and she's so hard to entertain...she didn't seem to enjoy anything we did....a lot of ladies here are having SUCH a rough time right now....I haven't been able to respond to all the posts the last several days, but I am thinking about all of you and hope things get better....it's heartbreakling, really. Everyone seems to try so hard.....Today is C's last day of hyperbaricsand it has helped his hands a lot....we really should take a little trip or something before he starts getting worse again...it always comes back after the treatments end...
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