Caring for a Spouse
Welcome to this online support group for spousal caregivers! Please introduce yourself - Ask for advice - Share your experiences caring for your husband, wife or partner. Talk about ailments and treatments, caregiving and relationship challenges, daily life, your tips for others. Vent, laugh, and come back to this online support group as often as you need to feel less alone. Some featured conversations to help you get started...
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What's New Today
about 2 hours ago
Inspiration for my day today: "She believed she could...so she did."
I need this today. I used to be described as "a spitfire" when I was younger because I had so much determination and was extremely driven. I used to believe I could do anything I set my mind to. Now I'm just tired all the time.
Here's to all you caregivers! Believe in yourself and your abilities and go out and do great things. What we do as caregivers matters! We got this!
about 4 hours ago
I received further proof that my husband is just another teenager in my house. He knows it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. If chores don't get done, it's MY fault. He won't do the chores he says he'll do. He forgets to take his pills moments after being reminded, but heaven help me if I forget to bring him a little piece of paper two days later.
He's diabetic and my daughter is overweight with a thyroid condition. He completely disregarded our conversation about watching our diets and our finances. He borrowed a couple bucks to go to the store to buy soda.
On top of this, my husband is still furious about pseudo granddaughter's boyfriend threatening him. No negative reaction towards this boy when he threatened my daughter or me. No. Just when he made threats to my husband - threats to him matter. Threats to anyone else don't.
OK, pity party over. I hope everyone else has a decent day. May we all find a bit of peace. God bless!
An anonymous caregiver said...
1 day ago
Hi Guys! I'm new here and have read some of your post and it makes me feel like I'm not alone out here. I'm in my early 30's caring for my 40yr old husband who recently had back surgery. He was his by a semi 4 years ago, accident left him in need of neck and back surgery. We have no children and I have no help caring for him. He is in a full upper body brace with leg attachment that I have to get on and off ever time he wants to get out of bed. I'm 5 feet 160 lbs and he is 6 ft 280 lbs, it physically wears me out. Today after his bath he was in a lot of pain and told me "why do you always cause me pain?!" I work full time care most of the load of bills, cook, clean, care for him, dogs and do our yard work. I'm just exhausted.
2 days ago
I am feeling really defeated today. In spite of PT and OT two days a week, my husband seems to be getting weaker instead of stronger.
Recently they repeated his MRI, did a brain scan, CT scan and a bunch of other tests. The doctors were happy with the results of the tests, so we still do not have a clear answer what is causing his increasing weakness.
I am so scared as the docs say the tumor is not growing (which don't get me wrong we are happy about that), the Neurologist says it's not the MS and he just needs to walk more, but I feel like none of the docs are listening to us. There are some days like today where he tries his hardest and he just cannot walk. He is feeling depressed and I am feeling hopeless. I don't know where to turn next.
2 days ago
My husband went to the doctor today and got some bad news. On top of the issues he has with his back, he has partially torn both of his Achilles' tendons and has an extremely severe case of tendinitis as a result. So severe that the doctor told him he may never heal from it. There is no treatment. Just to stay off of his feet and take pain pills. It's not like he's an overly active person to begin with but now he really isn't able to do anything. I brought up the possibility of getting a scooter, but he poo-pooed that idea. He thinks those are for old people. He is, however, finally going to get a handicapped sticker for the car. I've been on his case about that for years but he refused, saying it was probably needed by other people in worse shape than him. Now that he can barely walk, though, he is one of those people so I'm glad that he finally agreed to that. He is so stubborn and prideful that it makes me crazy. He doesn't want anyone else to know how bad his health is so he'll push himself to walk clear across the parking lot to go somewhere but then lectures me on how hard it is for him to get up and get a drink of water if I am giving him fits about it. I don't get it. He acts like every step is going to kill him when he's with me but suddenly stands up straight and has a smile for everyone else. He still moves slow, but he doesn't act like it hurts as much as he does when no one else is around. I'll probably go to hell for thinking this, but sometimes I wonder which is the reality. Like, is he just putting on a show for me so I'll feel bad and do things for him? I don't know, I think I'm over-thinking it. Lol!
3 days ago
Past couple days have been a roller coaster of emotions for husband. A buddy of his from college (who he had not seen in probably 40 years) came to visit him, He was really excited to see him and they had a great visit. However, it seemed as soon as his buddy left a black cloud rolled over him, and he is depressed, defeated and lethargic.
I feel as if he really needs to talk to a counselor or something to help him deal with all the changes he is experiencing with his health and all, but I cannot get hi to commit. I hate to see him feel this way, but I don't know how I can help him if he won't help himself.
3 days ago
Hello....what options are people (who work regularly or have other ongoing commitments) using to get their loved ones to and from doctor appointments/other places? Does anyone use apps like Uber or Lyft or event TaskRabbit (say to get groceries picked up and dropped off)?
3 days ago
Good and Happy Sunday Morning, Friends,
As you can tell, yesterday evening was not good. He threatened to leave me - again, over those pseudo granddaughters.; He sees them through rose-colored glasses and heaven forbid if anyone attempt to make him see reality. It's not just me - he won't listen to any one else about them either. I'm just the only one he shows anger towards. Then I fall for it and start yelling back.. I just don't know what to do. I can't talk to him about my feelings regarding those girls because, according to him, my feelings are BS. So, now not only do I hurt over their actions but I feel my husband thinks I'm lying and if that doesn't hurt.........
I'm going to try and talk to my pastor this morning as well as to my step-son. Prayers for a peaceful Sunday throughout this page today.
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