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Caring for a Parent

Is it still safe for Mom to live on her own? What to do about Dad's difficult behavior? How to manage incontinence, or problems with siblings and other family members? Discuss these topics and more in this online support group for adult children caring for a parent. Get tips, advice, and support for your parental caregiving questions or concerns. Connect with others who understand what you're going through.

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Nyfla27 said...

1 day ago

My dad has Parkinson's and when he can't sleep he wakes me. I'm up at 3:00 am and was wondering how many have broken sleep and how can we make up the hours.

about 24 hours ago

emptynest said...

about 17 hours ago

Antique rose said...

3 days ago

My 81 year old mother lives with my husband and I and our 2 daughters. My 6 year old shares a room with my mom. My other daughter is 13. My mother is starting to have incontinence at night. I'm having a hard time dealing with all of this. I sometimes reset that my 6 year old doesn't have a room of her own. Any advice is appreciated

emptynest said...

1 day ago

Antique rose said...

1 day ago

Stonegirl said...

3 days ago

I really need some advice my father in law is in his early 70s He recently went in for neck surgery basically it was to help him get a little more range of motion in his neck area. He had no existing health problems prior to this surgery except he smoked cigarettes..so the first surgery went bad got infected the screws came out causing abscess.. He went in to ER and they end up doing a 2nd surgery to try again. Well during this surgery they were putting a tube down his throat and tore a hole in his esophagus. They kept him in the hospital as he couldn't swallow or pass swallow test, after a week or two they decided to put in a feeding tube they told us it was going to be a g tube which was supposedly a minor surgery.. Well he come back after surgery and they put in a j tube which is a lot more invasive.. Well they sent him home the next day for us to have to handle, the nurse who was supposed to come 2 our home to help with the tube came two times and really had no idea what she was doing, we had to watch YouTube just to figure out how to adjust feeding as the nurse had discharged him...leaving us to try to figure it out on our own..well now he has pneumonia from aspirating .if we turned up the feeding tube up where he was even getting the nutrition equivalent to what an infant would require he aspirates. We take him back to ER/original DR. We tell them that turning up feeding tube is not working and filling his lungs, we leave and they try turning it up.. Needless to say he began drowning from the inside. The next morning we arrive , and point out this problem they had to suction out fluid from his lungs for 3-4 days and then they tell us there's nothing more they can do for him, that we need to find an acute long term care for him we go to look at where they wanted to send him. As we are walking in the door the other hospital is already calling saying they need to know where he is going...as we were getting ready to move him we attempted to enroll for online medical records and we were supposed to receive an email inviting us.. Received nothing tried calling just voicemail?? what can I do? First off medically and secondly does this sound like malpractice?

Stonegirl said...

2 days ago

Littlebear1 said...

2 days ago

3 days ago

My father passed away 4 years ago and my mother can't seem to get over her lonely and depression. She's 82 and lives alone. The main problem is her lack of social interaction and mental stimulation. She fills about an hour or two every other day with various activities. The remainder of the time she's in her condo alone with nothing to do. We live an hour and 30 minutes away. We bring her to our house every other weekend. She usually stays for four days each visit. My husband and I both work so we're limited to how much time we can spend with her. We want her to move into an independent living community near us, but when we mention this she gets very defensive and thinks we're trying to throw her into a nursing home, which is far from the truth. She's very stubborn and tells us she's busy with things to do and friends to see. We are 100% certain this is untrue and we know she's alone most of the time. The lack of human interaction is having an affect on her mental state, she's been going down hill rapidly over the past year. We have no idea of how to get her to move without forcing her. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

FrancesC said...

2 days ago

Antique rose said...

2 days ago

3 days ago

My father passed away 4 years ago and my mother can't seem to get over her lonely and depression. She's 82 and lives alone. The main problem is her lack of social interaction and mental stimulation. She fills about an hour or two every other day with various activities. The remainder of the time she's in her condo alone with nothing to do. We live an hour and 30 minutes away. We bring her to our house every other weekend. She usually stays for four days each visit. My husband and I both work so we're limited to how much time we can spend with her. We want her to move into an independent living community near us, but when we mention this she gets very defensive and thinks we're trying to throw her into a nursing home, which is far from the truth. She's very stubborn and tells us she's busy with things to do and friends to see. We are 100% certain this is untrue and we know she's alone most of the time. The lack of human interaction is having an affect on her mental state, she's been going down hill rapidly over the past year. We have no idea of how to get her to move without forcing her. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Ladymiller said...

3 days ago

4 days ago

My mother is at Silverado, Azusa and my brother is the POA and Silverado and my brother will not include me in any of my mother's Medical, Dental or Financial. My mother has been at Silverado for a year and from day one I am not included in anything...But Silverado says yes we will give you info. but when I ask to be included nobody knows anything and I get the run a round...I would like to know is this poor treatment which Silverado gives me are these orders coming from my brother ? Also Silverado has for eight or nine months been limiting my visiting hours and is was for me to off the property at 6 pm and now I am to be gone by 5 pm...I have tried to speak to my brother and Silverado concerning the fact that Silverado's own handbook says family and friends can visit any day and any time they want this is helping the resident and in this case it is my mother... But Silverado and my brother ignore the fact that Silverado's handbook says I can visit when ever I want ? For the past ten years I knew the basics of my mother's medical in formation and now for the past yr. I have been totally left out....Where is the customer service ? I see none...! My visits with my mother for the past yr. are sit, visit and go...!

2 days ago

PeacePlz said...

7 days ago

I have been my mom's caregiver since her diagnosis of lung cancer in May 2014. She's 81. At first her every whim was my command and it seemed the harder I tried to 'get it done' the more impatient and childish she became. Mom has her wits about her for the most part - she was just getting spoiled - literally, like a child. A counselor helped me see that I was contributing to the problem rather than fixing it. So I think we're past that hurdle. Like so many others have mentioned, I have siblings who could at least help if not actually take care of (I work outside the home and not all my siblings do) mom easier than I can, it's still me doing all the caregiving. Everyday I have to mindfully let go of the resentment that brings to me. Some days it's harder than others. Here's what I can't understand: Why is she taking every single option the doctors offer to prolong her life?! She has no life per se. She can't do any of the things she once enjoyed. Mom is not in any pain (thank you God) but she just sits in the bedroom watching old westerns on TV (blaring). Sometimes (once a month or so) she might have a visitor and she does get mail from her church friends but even that is down to a trickle. Is it normal to grasp at every microscopic strand of possibility to stay alive, even when there really is nothing left enjoyable about life?

5 days ago

Ladymiller said...

3 days ago

sherbearbear said...

8 days ago

As a person who was a caregiver for my dad for 2 months, I feel the need to vent, but its also advice. dad had IPF. anincurable lung disease, and I was only out in CO for a week when he went into hospice care at home. I have 2 other siblings, one actually lived 20 minutes away (im from Boston) Who were gonna let him die alone. there was fallin, drooling, passi ng out, lyft assist, nurses called at all hours of the night. ive never done this before! the stress! I leaned on the church. they totally helped. washing, cleaning, cooking, general health stuff in a 5 level home. im used to a 2 bdrm apt. it physically was draining. mentally too.

When his lungs finally gave out, I found my 2 siblings to be very angry. I, had had 2 months for acceptance. they didnt. My brother assaulted me, and is now withholding any inheritance. lesson: PROTECT yourself!!!!!

sherbearbear said...

about 20 hours ago

FrancesC said...

about 19 hours ago

Maezy64 said...

10 days ago

We took my 87 year old dad out of assisted living because he wanted to be with one of us. He hated assisted living and would stay in bed all day. He has been with me for 2 months now and he recently is going back to his old ways of staying in bed all day. He has depression and we are dealing extensively with this. And he had spinal stenosis surgery last April which he refused to do the physical therapy to gain strength and get better from. So he says his legs bother him. I am getting so frustrated trying to keep him from going back to bed at every turn. If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them.

NurseKathy said...

3 days ago

PopcornMom58 said...

11 minutes ago

10 days ago

I am the sole 24 hour caregiver of my 82 yr old grandmother. She has congestive heart failure in addition to dementia. She has been living with me for the last 8 yrs due to a fire in her home (not her fault). Her dementia began within the last 2 yrs and getting worse. My problem is I'm overwhelmed and beginning to resent her. She was not the nicest person before the dementia and is verbally abusive to me and my daughter who's 14 yrs old. I have no life because I cant leave her alone. The only time I get a break is when she is the hospital. Her children do not help, if anything they criticize the care I give her and expect more. I am seriously considering a residential home but my conscience is messing with me. I feel I'm at my breaking point.

October57 said...

10 days ago

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