Caring for a Parent
Is it still safe for Mom to live on her own? What to do about Dad's difficult behavior? How to manage incontinence, or problems with siblings and other family members? Discuss these topics and more in this online support group for adult children caring for a parent. Get tips, advice, and support for your parental caregiving questions or concerns. Connect with others who understand what you're going through.
Additional resources that may be helpful:
- Alzheimer's Info Center
- Memory Care Communities in U.S.
- Professional In-Home Caregivers
- Senior Money and Legal Resources
Help spread the support to more people in need -- Please tell a friend or two. Thanks!
What's New Today
1 day ago
I live in California, Mom lives in Texas, I am the only living child left, My aunt and uncle pretty much keep tabs on her but don't want to put the burden on them.. I love living here in california I don't really have friends here but I love the beauty. Mom wants to stay in texas, I am single no children, 2 cats. I need to be with Mom she does not have much time left she has 1 kidney and it is only 5% working,, she is very frail but still has her sense of humor but almost zero energy.. The only way I can really go be with her is sell my house in california,,, so needless to say I have several emotions hitting me at once.. Finacially if I sold my house all $ burdens would be resolved,, #1 I will be with Mom.. but after she leaves and goes to heaven I will be in Texas where I do have friends but really I don't want to live there, HELP! GUILT..GUILT.. please give me a yay or a nay.. I love my MOMMA !
1 day ago
Looks as if mom will be here for another LONG week. She's in no condition to go home yet. She's doing a little better getting around with the walker, but she's still in pain. She is unable to drive. She needs help with chores and errands, but I can't do anything since she's 3 hours away. I wish her condo would sell already. We are stuck until it does. It really wouldn't be all that bad if she respected boundaries.
An anonymous caregiver said...
2 days ago
Seems like everyone who cares for a parent puts their lives on hold for that job. My spouse complained just yesterday that since I've become my mom's full-time caregiver (I'm retired from my professional career) we haven't had any "us" time. It's literally been YEARS.
And now things with mom are getting worse. She has gone through a collectomy (for an intestinal abcess in August 2014) and chemo (August 2015-January 2016 for breast cancer). She has all of the nasty side-effects of that (obvious "chemo-brain" and denies it, lingering nausea and refuses to take nausea meds, chronic fatigue and refuses to eat additional protein for energy just to name a few of the issues).
Mom continually tells me she "doesn't care" about things around her house yet just yesterday literally screamed at me because I didn't vacuum for as long as she felt I should, she didn't see me take throw rugs outside to shake them off (I certainly did!), I didn't move the 10,000 bottles of cleaning supplies and powder and shampoo and who-knows-what-else is stacked around the bathroom floor when I vacuumed. The threat on that is she's going to hire a cleaning company and I'll have to pay for it. I let her know there is NO cleaning company around that is going to pickup all that crap and vacuum and put it back. Her response: then they'll be fired. I stopped arguing at that point.
I hadn't filed some mail or tossed some junk mail so there were a few piles on the counter. "I didn't touch any of that stuff because I didn't know what you were doing with it and I couldn't see what it is." But you can see well enough to know whether or not I vacuumed??? argggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!
I've spent the past two days trying to get things straightened up, but I'm questioned about where did I put what.
I constantly get told "you're in charge" but when it really comes down to it I'm not.
My mom is legally blind and cannot drive but tells me how to drive.
My mom says she cannot read the computer but I find the email program open when I arrive.
I tell her when I come in the door I've been to the store on the way over and here are things I brought you. Thirty minutes later I'm asked "when did you go to the store?". My answer: I told you when I came in the door that I went on the way over.
I'm about to be at the end of my rope with this, but I'm unable to get any outside help in the house because anyone else I bring in would be fired after two minutes.
Anybody have any ideas? (I'm hiding my screen name just in case she reads this website....) :-(
Laura Gilmer said...
2 days ago
Hello to all, I am new here and am having trouble helping my 73 year old mother to get dentures. Either I argue with medicare that she was already been approved or . . . I do not know. I have been searching all resources and cannot find anything. Does anyone know who could help with this issue (we live in Bryan, Ohio). Thank you.
C assie said...
3 days ago
I am angry with my mom right now. She is glad that her physical therapist fell and broke his ankle so that she won't have to do her physical therapy. It made me angry when she said that. And she refused to do any exercises when we put her in bed. She simply said no. Her leg is getting worse and if she doesn't do what she's told, it will atrophy and won't be any good. The thing that bothers me most about all this is the fact that she can do a lot more than she does. When she chooses to, she does things. Otherwise, she doesn't. It's so frustrating.
C assie said...
3 days ago
Hi, all. I pray that all of you are well and coping as best you can. As for me, I am still struggling. I am so tired and that makes everything else hard for me. When I don't get my rest, I am not good. Fortunately, I didn't have to get up at 5:30 this morning, but I still didn't get enough sleep. And when I was helping my sister get my mom dressed and ready for the day, I just did not feel like it. I didn't feel resentment. I just felt kind of empty, if that makes any sense. I want to stop this merrygoround and get off and start another life somewhere else, but I can't do that. I feel trapped and I don't like the feeling. I stayed up late last night reading my bible. I am determined to get through this crisis bible-style, with God as my first source and the word as my resource. I'm having a hard time. A hug or two would be appreciated. Oh, boy. Life.
4 days ago
Does anyone have issues taking care of themselves? I've put my life on hold. I no longer go to the gym. I'm eating like crazy. I tend to spend more $$$$. It's a way of soothing myself. She brings out the worst in my personality. Depression and anxiety. I know I need to set some boundaries and take care of myself.
4 days ago
I'm new here. I'm really struggling with my mom. She's 88 and in bad physical condition. Her mind is slowly going as well. She lives alone, but she's no longer safe living alone. She refuses any care. She's had many falls in the past year. She lives in AL and I live in TN. Everytime she has a medical crisis I have to go down to AL. It's a 3 hour drive. Then I bring her up here and take care of her for about week and then take her back to AL. I'm getting sick of it! She's trying to sell her condo right now so she can move up here, but she's not having much luck. I want her to move into assisted living, but she wants absolutely nothing to do with it and got pissed off that I even mentioned it. I'm wary of independent living. She can barely function on her own. She has severe back issues. She can barely get up. She uses a walker. She's with us right now. She fell last week. I'm about ready to go NUTS. I have severe resentment towards her. I'm angry with her. She's a very intense woman that's hard to get along with. She talks constantly. She gives me NO privacy. She loves being here. She would prefer to stay here with me and my husband, but we aren't set up for taking care of someone like her. My husband can't stand her. The tension is really high. I'm very depressed and very anxious. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare that won't stop. I don't know what to do with her. She is running out of $$$$. The only way she can afford any care here is to sell her condo. She owns that outright. She's very co-dependent. She can be a total bitch. She loves to run the guilt trips. I'm so damn sick of it. She thinks that having foot surgery is going to solve it all. UGH That's not going to solve a damn thing!!!! It's her back that's creating all of her issues. She's had several doctors at Vanderbilt Hospital tell her that. I'm so confused. Has anyone had a situation like this? Any suggestions? I hate to sound so mean towards my mom, but I had to vent. I'm hoping someone here can understand. Debbie I'm an only child, so I have no help.
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