Caring for a Parent
Is it still safe for Mom to live on her own? What to do about Dad's difficult behavior? How to manage incontinence, or problems with siblings and other family members? Discuss these topics and more in this online support group for adult children caring for a parent. Get tips, advice, and support for your parental caregiving questions or concerns. Connect with others who understand what you're going through.
Additional resources that may be helpful:
- Alzheimer's Info Center
- Memory Care Communities in U.S.
- Professional In-Home Caregivers
- Senior Money and Legal Resources
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What's New Today
1 day ago
I'm so glad I found this online support group. I am drinking wine frequently because my mom is making me crazy. Today I started getting a migraine. Your comment regarding reign of terror is so spot on. I'm in a bad predicament. She started with dementia several years ago and got very good and fooling the doctors into thinking she was doing just fine. We being her "children" bit wanting to go against her wishes and take control of her very independent self let it go. Even though I kept after my brother and sister that something had to be done before it was too late. Well too late has come. She fell broke her pelvis went to the hospital for a week. Laid in bed for that week manipulating everyone. Thinking she was there because she had a nervous breakdown. (History of depression.) then to rehab for two weeks. She would call us all the time please take me home. Or I'm at the mall and I'm stranded please come get me they won't let me leave. Now I brought her home to live with my husband and daughter (14). We did not want her to be in a nursing home. She isn't at the point yet. She knows something's going wrong with her but she's keeps denying anything is wrong. From sun up to sun down she repeats her mantra of I want to go home I'm not happy. And the same horrible stories of her life. During the week I work and Life isn't as bad. The weekends are absolutely exhausting and I dread them. I'm 52 my husband 60. She's 86. All day long she tries to tell me what to do in my own home. Turn off the light. Why are you doing that? She bad mouths me to my husband and daughter. She makes me out to be a terrible person with a horrible temper. She told the aide last week that if she breathed a word of the things she complained to her about she would throw herself down the steps and tell us the aide did it to her!! I was mortified! The constant complaining and down right meanness toward me is getting to be too much. It's taking its toll on my already low self esteem issues. I've broken down and made an appointment with a psychiatrist. My dilemma is compounded by the fact that I have to reestablish her with new doctors. So I have no one to increase her depression medicine. The doctors at the rehab prescribed all her meds since she wouldn't see a dr on a regular basis prior to this episode. It's a holiday weekend so I don't know if they'll even answer my call if I try seeing as she was discharged from the rehab. She stayed in her room most of the day today. Sleeping. Barely eats won't drink water regularly. And when I say you have to eat she says if I make you mad enough you'll take me home. Or if I get on your nerves enough you'll take me home. She's like a terrorizing toddler. Won't shower. Won't take her meds. Won't brush her teeth. I'm honestly at my wits end! I need to know What should I say when she says I want to go home? We have tried to reason with her. We have tried being stern. We have tried to tell her how much we love her. She just gets down right hateful and acts like a spoiled brat. Please help! Thanks so much!! I'm just heartbroken.
2 days ago
My mom has early stage dementia and just recently fell and broke her pelvis in three places. She is in a nursing home for 6-8 weeks and she is angry and lashing out at me when I cannot do what she wants. I am so stressed out. How can I handle these outbursts without lashing out myself?
Bev Guyer said...
4 days ago
I bought a home 15 years ago with an apartment upstairs so my mom could live with me (she was 73 at the time). She never paid a cent in 15 years. Since then I have lost my job and she has been paying rent. However, her health, both physically and mentally, has deteriorated. She is so mean to me. She criticizes me, even though I cook for her, grocery and clothes shop for her, take her to the doctor, tests,etc., pretty much do everything for her. I cry all the time, my retirement should be a happy time, but I walk on eggshells 24 hours a day. I feel so helpless and sad all the time. She is mean and ungrateful. She throws mail, newspapers, phones at me and I just take it. I don't know what to do, she is my mother, but it is becoming too much for me. Any advice?
Carrie Ann Brand said...
5 days ago
I'm 44 and care full time for a 70 year old mentally disabled female. My mother who is severely diabetic and has had recent foot reconstruction surgery is staying with me. I feel emotionally and physically drained most of the time, I know my emotions are hindering being able to care for these two wonderful women to the best of my ability, I would like to be able to share my frustrations and concerns with someone that may be going through something similar. I can be found on face book under Carrie Ann Brand, I'm from Kansas and would truly enjoy chatting with someone. Thank you in advance
7 days ago
My father is in a nursing home. He just broke his hip. The second bone broken in about 6 months. He had surgery on Friday. Today going back to nursing home. My father is in good health otherwise. But this is so scary. I'm terrified. I see this can definitely kill him. He has a bed sore also. I have so much anxiety and fear.
7 days ago
Three hours of errands that didn't really need to be done, just to come home to moms anger and crying ( with no tears ).... complaining that no one will help her...calling her " friend " telling her how I'm unable or unwilling to properly take care of her and my dad....trying to fix dinner because god forbid should dad fix his own plate....mom saying she can't sit to eat but won't stand at the counter....so back to her room I take her...she tells me the only time she feels better is when I'm in there with her. But there is no where for me to sit and if I stand she tells me I'm in her way.... finally I get two minutes to try to feed myself when she's back in the kitchen crying ( no actual tears ).... tells me she knows I'm tired and in pain because of my own health issues. " but "... the dishes need to be done, there's spots on the window etc.....you can eat off the floor because the house is so clean but she searches out for the one thing that is not up to her standard.......my pain is now so out of control I will not sleep again tonight....as dad sits there drinking his bourbon......it's now almost eight o'clock and I've finally gotten to my own room and she is in there crying...( again with no actual tears.).... "" oh I'm sorry to bother you..."" "" you don't need to worry about me """. "" I'll be fine by myself""".... Just yesterday I had the discussion with her about the " guilt tripping "..... a lot of good that did.....so now it will be every twenty minutes I have to check on her until she goes to sleep sometime around ten.....dad has been in bed since 7:30 so he will be up at 3:30am....so of coarse so will I .....and it will start all over again. Just throw in a crew of sprinkler guys because the sprinklers aren't good enough....and god knows how long on the phone because the fence has to be rebuilt etc...because non of these things got done before I move back here........I'm soooooo tired and I hurt so bad....two days off in a year and a half with no respite in sight......no one else can help because to them they don't need or want help ; especially from strangers.........sigh....... Thanks for listening......
7 days ago
I am just feeling frustrated/anger with my family and dad, it's hard learning how to grieve part of me wants to buy some liquor so I can feel "numb". Seeing your dad sleeping, knowing he's in hospice so is there really a time frame of when he can die? Part of you feels guilty for being mad at your own sick parent and I wonder if any of this makes any sense?
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