Caring for a Parent
Is it still safe for Mom to live on her own? What to do about Dad's difficult behavior? How to manage incontinence, or problems with siblings and other family members? Discuss these topics and more in this online support group for adult children caring for a parent. Get tips, advice, and support for your parental caregiving questions or concerns. Connect with others who understand what you're going through.
Additional resources that may be helpful:
- Alzheimer's Info Center
- Memory Care Communities in U.S.
- Professional In-Home Caregivers
- Senior Money and Legal Resources
Help spread the support to more people in need -- Please tell a friend or two. Thanks!
What's New Today
about 16 hours ago
Good morning, I feel annoyed with my dad's hospice company the aide who comes to give my dad a bed bath apparently cannot do it "by herself" I think she says that because I am an aide to. We have not heard or seen from my dad's nurse since Friday? Just feeling frustrated because I'm sure they are billing my dad's Insurance but for what exactly?
1 day ago
This is the third time or so I've posted on here my dad been in hospice for two weeks now. Today has been hard emotionally on me hearing your dad say he feels like he's on his last days. You see that he is sad and could cry but won't. Seems when I write on here I am crying ironic huh?
2 days ago
I hope this is a good group to join, looking for a place where others understand what I'm going through. I'm a thirty year old stay at home mom with a toddler and the primary caregiver for my blind 87 year old grandmother who lives with my husband and I. My grandmother isn't eligible for any in home care or assistance, so it's all on me to be the caregiver. It's so hard managing and taking care of a rambunctious toddler and caring for my grandmother at the same time. It's overwhelming some days. I'm changing toddler diapers and elderly diapers. You feeling like you don't have a life and like you can't do this for the rest of your life.
3 days ago
OMG! I get So angry! I care for 80 y.o. Mom, CHF, moderate dementia and fractured pelvis in February... I feel like I care more about her health and safety than she does. She refuses to use her walker, can't walk without holding on to furniture and then tries to carry things like a cup of coffee and yogurt cup so both hands are full... And I'm just standing there fuming because she knows I will help her, I'm on edge basically holding my breath waiting to see if this is the time she falls and gets hurt again, possibly to bad for me to care for her if it happens... But, what can you do? I understand her need to do something for herself and I know I can't follow her around 24/7 either but I just get so angry and I hate myself for it. Some days my patience is just gone and I'm so tired.... Mentally tired. Thanks for listening if you read this far. I'm fortunate that my husband took over for me this morning when I was stressed and I was able to take a long shower and pray and felt somewhat better after and also I end up feeling guilty for getting angry in the first place... Sigh....
9 days ago
So my psychiatrist, at this afternoon's appointment said I need to stay away from my Father. Because the doctor told me he is a toxic person. I'd gone into the visit with the doctor just shaking, and I couldn't stop. Not even Lee could stop me from shaking. The psychiatrist upped my anxiety medicine. It's now gotten to the point where my psychiatrist is reaching out to my Father's doctors on my behalf. I can not take him anymore.
His routine is as follows. Get up at 6 or 7:00 in the morning. Sit in the chair, put on the tv, call me up to perform the pitty party dance. His diet consists of sandwiches, sandwiches, donuts, more sandwiches, etc. Then it's take pills as soon as we get up, sit in the chair all day and complain that their is too much traffic on his street. Go outside, sit on another chair on his back porch. Come back inside, back on the chair again. You got the idea. The exercise is chair, sit, chair and sit. I think his pain is due to not moving around! Poor diet, eating sandwiches and donuts aren't considered healthy. He'll be too crippled to do something, but Heaven forbid, he should run out of donuts. All hell will break loose, and the world will end! So he'll go get donuts from this bakery he has to go to. Their isn't another bakery but that one.
I don't mean to complain, but I'm tired of him. I'm sorry, heaven forbid I'm sorry. But I'm tired of him. My Mom would've been so ashamed!
My psychiatrist says when I'm at home, put my cell phone on do not disturb. Lee and I ignore the lan line now because he called us yesterday to let us know that his medicine was made at a different factory. "Oh my god! Really? And why would I need to know about that", I said to myself.
Lee bought up a good point at my appointment this afternoon. "That man's got her to where she can't enjoy herself anymore when we go out. Whether it be just us, or with our kids. She's always crying that man's got her so upset." Maybe now, since my psychiatrist is gonna talk to Dad's doctors, they'll believe what is really happening!
9 days ago
Does anyone here belong to the sandwich group/generation? My 77 year old mother moved in to our home nearly 18 months ago; we have 2 children still living at home with us, ages 11 & 15. Their lives have changes as much as it has for myself and my husband. And not always for the better! Lots of tension. Any one else in a similar situation?
10 days ago
Happy Easter my fellow caregivers! I care for my 80 y.o. Mom who suffers from CHF, moderate dementia and fractured her pelvis from a fall in February. My brother, sis -in- law, nephew and his wife came to visit today, a rare occasion even though they are only 2 hours away. I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed their person seem more lucid and less needy and feeble when visitors are around. Which, seems good but then family says things like oh she's not as bad as I expected, she's doing so much better, etc... It's really frustrating. I feel like family thinks I'm exaggerating her condition and doesn't really see or understand what it's like for me and my husband as sole caregivers.... Just another trial in our lives I guess, was just wondering if this has happened to others. Blessings to you all, Kathy
11 days ago
Day 2 of watching my dad this has to be the hardest thing I have done in my life. But you just have to do it. My dad came home from MD Anderson yesterday since he is done with cancer treatment altogether. But he has bad bed sores, he's dead weight, he has many other sicknesses. I feel angry, alone, like crying, I'm his main caregiver so I am grieving but taking care of my dad.
12 days ago
It's hard to know where to start...We moved to NC back in 2005. We brought my mother with us because she had a serious surgery just three months before and didn't want to stay in Florida. My sister lives there but at the time was traveling with her job and had no time for her. My two sisters (other sister lives in another state) were very angry with me for bringing her here and still are. She lived with us for three years and decided to move into a independent living place for three years. She moved back with us and lived with us for 5 and a half years and that's when we moved her into a independent living that has assistance in the place. My health was going down and my kids felt we needed to do this. She was fine but the food has been a huge problem. She has gotten so sick and hospitalized once in Nov. She is 94 and getting more and more frail. The dr wants her in an assistant living but she can't afford it. We are already buying her essentials so we can't afford to help her that way. Dr says she could still live alone but has to be checked on often. We found a IL right next to my son and his wifes apartment. It just opened a few months ago. It is totally independent living, smaller and no meals. I will have to make extra food for her and put in dishes she she could heat up. I do have someone that can start next month coming two or three morning a week to help her out. I promised her years ago I would never put her in a nursing home but we may have to do that someday. I went to help her bath last night and here I am with two knee braces and a back brace trying to help her and I need help myself. My husband goes after work and takes her what she needs from the store and my son is a paramedic and just started picking up and filling her med boxes for her. He takes her vital ect...My daughter in law will help her declutter and rearrange her room. I know she can't stay where she is but not sure if she can handle this place we are thinking about. How do you all handle decision making and caregiving?
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