Caring for a Parent
Is it still safe for Mom to live on her own? What to do about Dad's difficult behavior? How to manage incontinence, or problems with siblings and other family members? Discuss these topics and more in this online support group for adult children caring for a parent. Get tips, advice, and support for your parental caregiving questions or concerns. Connect with others who understand what you're going through.
Additional resources that may be helpful:
- Alzheimer's Info Center
- Memory Care Communities in U.S.
- Professional In-Home Caregivers
- Senior Money and Legal Resources
Help spread the support to more people in need -- Please tell a friend or two. Thanks!
What's New Today
I’m staying with my mil, husband and my toddler. I am also 7 months’ pregnant. My mil is diagnosed with mild dementia since late of 2018. It has been quite a journey as she has been rather forgetful and tends to push away her responsibilities. In addition, she has been showing me an not too happy face when she has to prepare lunch/ dinner for me. Sequence of how she does things on a daily basis has been messy; for example, when she remembers, she will sweep the floor. When things are misplaced, she will say she don’t know about it. Sometimes, she becomes angry and spoke a little louder than usual.
How do you keep your sanity when caring for elderly parents who do not treat you very well? When we age into our 80's, is it inevitable we become bitter, entitled and completely lack all awareness of the effect we have on others?
My mother has early stage dementia and is at home being cared for by my exhausted dad. Mom has had narcissistic tendencies my whole life and dad has been her enabler. Nothing I ever did or was as an individual was enough for them to not find a way to criticize or diminish me. I have assisted with groceries, lawn care, doctor appointments, house cleaning, and overall been there for them as a need arises. I would spend all day with them running errands and taking them out to lunch only to be criticized for wearing the wrong clothes, taking a vacation away from them, or showing up 10 minutes late.
I have gone low contact to try to save my sanity and done the minimum of what they "need" versus what they "want". My dad calls almost every day and leaves voice mails. He never needs anything and there is not any emergency. Calls have sometimes escalated to ten times in a day calling my cell phone, home phone, or husband's phone. Each message growing seeming more irate at my lack of response to the original message. When I do call back, all I get is a verbal rage against me.
I have one older sister who rarely calls our parents or visits them. She has been the apple of their eye and can do no wrong. She is their POA and executor of their Will. I am named only once in their Will when it states my sister takes a payment of her choosing from their assets, then she is to split whatever remains with me in half. When I saw a copy of their Will, my heart sank a bit that it seemed as though parents gave her a huge opening to do as she pleases and I take whatever she dispenses to me.
Is there a way to keep your sanity when caring for elderly parents when their needs will continue to increase? Thank you.
I feel for all the postings dealing with taking care of parents at home. My issues doesn’t seem as bad as it did before I saw what you guys are dealing with. I am thinking of all of you. Sometimes it helps just to talk about things. So I am listening and thinking of you.
My husband and I were saving for a house when my mom became hospice. We stay with my in laws and the have graciously allowed my mom to stay with us so she wouldn't be alone. I had to quit my job and I also ha e to care for our 6mo old daughter to cut down on cost since I'm not working. Between the babies demands, my moms physical, mental, and emotional demands, having to pretty much stay house bound with no one to talk to until my husband gets home, and a nagging mother in law, idk how much I can take before I reach a breaking point. I have lost myself. I need someone I can relate to, please!!!!
I moved in with my mom after my dad died. I have a 10year old son and the emotional demands are becoming overwhelming. My husband just left and that’s not all bad as he was freeloading, and I work full time. I’m just very lonely and dread it getting worse as my mother’s health declines. Also I’m an only child so there is no backup for me.
about 1 month
I’ve moved both my parents in to live with me do to their medical needs and do to their financial hardships. Both are 70 years old, my mother’s health even though has been and can be difficult, she goes to her doctors appointments with no problems. My father on the other hand is type 1 diabetic who chooses to not bath correctly, won’t change his clothes regularly, and has now refused to go to his doctors appointments. He has missed his bloodwork appointment and his primary doctor appointment. How can I get him back to caring about his self on hygiene and seeing his doctor? He does like his doctor, but has decided he doesn’t want to go anymore.
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