Caring for a Parent
Is it still safe for Mom to live on her own? What to do about Dad's difficult behavior? How to manage incontinence, or problems with siblings and other family members? Discuss these topics and more in this online support group for adult children caring for a parent. Get tips, advice, and support for your parental caregiving questions or concerns. Connect with others who understand what you're going through.
Additional resources that may be helpful:
- Alzheimer's Info Center
- Memory Care Communities in U.S.
- Professional In-Home Caregivers
- Senior Money and Legal Resources
Help spread the support to more people in need -- Please tell a friend or two. Thanks!
What's New Today
about 19 hours
Happy Monday. My Mom is 94 yrs old and has moved in with my husband and I 5 months ago because her husband (my stepdad) passed away. I know this has been hard for her, losing her home and husband. I know it was the best thing for her, she didn't need to be left alone. She is depressed and it is wearing me down. I try to lift her up. She never wants to go anywhere, she has arthritis which makes getting around painful. We have a lady sit with her 4 hours a day while we are at work. My Mom loves her and she dotes on my Mom. She praises this lady and my husband all the time. I would like a little bit of praise myself. I am her only child around who can help. This arrangement is much harder than I thought. I feel down and isolated from the outside world because after work and on weekends I stay at home with her. Just needs some encouraging words. Thanks for listening or reading should I say.
My mom has not yet been diagnosed with dementia but I have noticed some signs in the last 2 years. She has been accusing me of going into her home and taking things from her or putting things and other places in her home like in her drawers and closets things like that. But this week has been really hard. When she started accusing me of taking things from her place I told her to change the locks to her apartment. She did and she's still complained about somebody going in and stealing things from her. She started accusing me again and telling me that the maintenance guy that works in our apartment complex has given me a key so that I can go into her apartment. I got angry because that's not true so I called to apologize to her to tell her that I was sorry that I didn't mean to get angry and she said what else are you sorry for? I said I don't understand I don't what else do you want me to say? She said for me to admit that I'm going into her place and taking her things. I'm not sure what to do? This is very sad and confusing to me and I'm not sure what to do? I hope that you can understand my comment or my problem. Thank you
Hello everyone, my mom came to live with me three years ago. I didn’t realized she had dementia and three years later it’s getting bad. My biggest problem though is with the low quality of caregivers and their bosses. The woman I have seen want to be on the phone or watching tv in a room other than mom’s or just sit in mom’s room talking for hours. Most bosses don’t want to hear complaints. It is not a regulated industry so these women are paid ten bucks an hour and have little education, forget about dementia expertise . I don’t think much more of understaffed nursing homes so I am stuck with mom and suicidal. Any ideas?
I am just beginning a new journey of caring for my mom with severe dementia. I moved her in with me 3 weeks ago partly because we are out of financial resources to afford an assisted living facility and partly because she has progressed in her dementia and needs to have closer monitoring. This has been quite a challenge already and I am struggling. I work full time as a director of a Women's Service in a moderately sized hospital - very demanding. I have a sitter that comes in to stay with her during the day while I work. I am seeking any advice that anyone can put out there to make this really difficult time in my life go more smoothly.
Good morning ll! I'm new here. My dad finally ealizes he can no longer live alone. I would love to have him with me but I love with my mom because I'm disabled. But given the Angel she is, she offered him to come d stay with us when he was released from a 2 week stay in the hospital. They've been divorced for 20 years, which obviously is more than generous f her...but not long term. Any advice? Thanks in advance. Have a wonderful day! Sharyn
Moving my father in law back to California with us because his wife doesn't want him to come home once released from the hospital. After 15 years, she wants a divorce but doesn't want to lose the VA medical benefits (they are both seniors). My father in law doesn't want her to lose them either. Will she keep them if they get a legal separation instead of a divorce? Anyone know?
Wow! I am so glad to have found this group. In-person groups are hard to find, and when I did find one, it met at 1PM during the week (I work 8-6 M-F). It's comforting to read other's posts, knowing I share so many of their experiences. My story is of my mom, 83 who, after having hip surgery, descended into congestive heart failure very quickly. She's convinced "something happened" and repeats over and over she wants to know why and what happened. It's heartbreaking. I was a paramedic for years and have tried telling her that she has an enlarged heart ("lots of older people do") and it's not pumping right. We have been to doctors for lymphedema, venous dopplers, and will have an echocardiogram on Monday. That should tell us a lot. She is getting more confused and unable to concentrate. She used to LOVE reading (so much so that we gave her 40 books at Christmas to read throughout the year) but said she can't concentrate. She is generally mobile, but doesn't walk much at all. We (me and my siblings) built a ramp in the garage so she can get out but just putters around the garage, never going outside.
I am continually torn between letting her do or not do whatever she wants (she is, for now, safe in the house and driving believe it or not), and trying to get her to help herself with little things. She is VERY depressed (who wouldn't be!) but is so tired of taking pills she will not take any more. Then I compare my situation to hers: I am overweight and the only thing that would get me running is if Satan himself was throwing fireballs at me. So, she is making her own decisions, for good or bad (by MY definition). I do go to her doctor appointments because 1) she is a bad historian, and 2) she tells the doctors she is fine so she doesn't worry them.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Although my siblings (all who live about 3 hours away) are very supportive, and visit when they can, it's not the same as "talking" to those who know what it's like. No responses are necessary, Group Folks. It feels good just to get it off my chest.
Mommy's Daughter said...
My 75 year old mother is trying to recover from kidney disease, congestive heart failure, and is on oxygen. She has gone downhill in the last nine months with her legs being so weak, she cannot assist in her own physical therapy. We just got home from a ten day hospital stay. She was admitted because she could not breathe. Her hemoglobin was down to 6.3 and had to have three pints of blood to bring it to 9.8.After an EGD, it was found that there was no bleeding, just irritation. The problem is: The Dr. completely "snowed" my Mom for the procedure, and she was in a horrible state for more than two days. She is very sensitive to any medications, so trying to find anything that works for her compression fractures in her spine has been a huge struggle as well. Oh, and did I mention that she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at 74 years of age? A lot has happened to her in the past year. Anyone have any problems with their parent going "crazy" from too much medication?
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