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Caring for a Parent

Is it still safe for Mom to live on her own? What to do about Dad's difficult behavior? How to manage incontinence, or problems with siblings and other family members? Discuss these topics and more in this online support group for adult children caring for a parent. Get tips, advice, and support for your parental caregiving questions or concerns. Connect with others who understand what you're going through.

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What's New Today

1 day ago

Hi,my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's a year and half ago,it started with falls,confusion,hospital stays and rehabs,he was even in ICU,I have been there every step of the way...my siblings don't help in any way,we used to be close now I have so much hatred towards them all..I took my dad in with the agreement from my siblings that they would help,well been a year and not one visit,well if fifteen minutes count..I have quit my job ,raising 3 boys,and I am so hating my decisions,don't get me wrong I love my dad,but I waited for my boys to get older so I could start my life and change careers,I am 46 but never to late,I feel worn down and cheated,my anger towards my family makes my anxiety go crazy to,whenever I think how easy there lives are. I don't wanna do this anymore,feel like my dad is so lucky and cared for while my life is falling apart..when my siblings decide to visit for fifteen mins I also make it easy for them to come here,why can't they take him out? Cuz I wanna lose my shit when I see their fake ass faces..useless people they are,weak, Not only no phone to see if I'm ok too..good give me strength to erase my hatred towards my useless family.thanks for listening

CherylB said...

1 day ago

talkey said...

15 minutes ago

1 day ago

Hi,my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's a year and half ago,it started with falls,confusion,hospital stays and rehabs,he was even in ICU,I have been there every step of the way...my siblings don't help in any way,we used to be close now I have so much hatred towards them all..I took my dad in with the agreement from my siblings that they would help,well been a year and not one visit,well if fifteen minutes count..I have quit my job ,raising 3 boys,and I am so hating my decisions,don't get me wrong I love my dad,but I waited for my boys to get older so I could start my life and change careers,I am 46 but never to late,I feel worn down and cheated,my anger towards my family makes my anxiety go crazy to,whenever I think how easy there lives are. I don't wanna do this anymore,feel like my dad is so lucky and cared for while my life is falling apart..when my siblings decide to visit for fifteen mins I also make it easy for them to come here,why can't they take him out? Cuz I wanna lose my shit when I see their fake ass faces..useless people they are,weak, Not only no phone to see if I'm ok too..good give me strength to erase my hatred towards my useless family.thanks for listening

slightly said...

1 day ago

Loneangel1 said...

about 15 hours ago

1 day ago

I have been taking care of my mom for over a year. I just wish i had some to talk to and hang out with thats going through the same thing

1 day ago

slightly said...

1 day ago

Nimble said...

4 days ago

After 4 1/2 years of living her with my husband and I we are making the decision to move mom into a memory care facility. I’m really struggling not to feel I’m abandoning her. She’s still doing pretty good but we want her to be around more people, to enjoy some companionship ship with people her own age and caregivers that aren’t worn out. This has been so so hard and even though we know it will be good for her, the emotions are running high. How do you get yourself to believe that your doing the right thing, and that if she could, mom would agree with our families decision?

slightly said...

4 days ago

Nimble said...

3 days ago

7 days ago

We have recently moved my husbands mom in with us. She has dementia and could no longer care for herself. just looking for ideas and how to deal with this

emptynest said...

7 days ago

6 days ago

10 days ago

Well here we go again. I thought we were making progress, mom and me, with talking to each other about what we were feeling, what we didn't like about each other was doing or saying, etc. Apparently I was gravely mistaken. Recently I've had some issues that have limited my mobility. SO I've been with mom for 9+ hours a day. I thought we were getting along quite well until last Thursday. I mentioned that maybe she would like to come to my house instead of me going to her house. Her response: "your husband will have to come get me" rather than "Yes" or "no". I thought better of it quickly because of traffic issues, him needing to get to work, and her being stuck at my house for 9+ hours and said "oh wait, scratch that. I'll come over here". WELLLL, the next morning I come in to find her in tears. Me: "what did I do?" Mom: "Nothing." Me: " have you been revisiting the past things?" Mom: "no" Me: " what is it then?" Mom: "nothing" so it takes me all day long to finally figure out it's because I invited and then uninvited her to my house. OMG. No amount of apologizing helped either. Again came the "I can't believe you of all people have done to me what you've done the past six months" and "you don't want me around I should just disappear" and "my dad warned me of this" and "your dad said to watch out for this". When I asked what my dad had to say about it she wouldn't tell me. And now I'm being blamed for her current health conditions of dizziness and nausea, which she's had for long before she and I started having problems. I was told yesterday "I can have the bank pay my bills, I can go into an assisted living, and I can get other caregivers in her to help me". Ok mom, go for it. PLEASE. Seems I'm on the path to being disowned yet again.... Just had to vent this morning. I'm getting so worn down by this. I'm tired of begging to help her. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

slightly said...

9 days ago

8 days ago

Kgdee said...

13 days ago

At the beginning of the year, my grandmother passed away. I was her caregiver and it was an extremely hard loss for me. Shortly after, My dad (her son) quit his job and moved across country to move in with my family because he is terminally ill. Since moving in, he’s basically given up. He’s been battling depression and alcoholism since his mom passed away, on top of a lung disease (similar to lung cancer, but not curable). He took himself off the lung transplant list, won’t take his medications, won’t let me get him help for the depression, and is a mess.

I thought him moving in would alleviate his burden. I thought I could provide a safe haven for him and could remind him that there is a reason to live still. I thought I could fix him.

I can’t. I can’t force him to care or force him to want to live. I can’t force him to get help or understand that he needs help. I’m at a total loss. It feels like I’m making everything worse. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to fix this situation. It’s affecting my family and I’m torn because I don’t know how to protect my kids and save my dad. I need help.

FrancesC said...

13 days ago

emptynest said...

13 days ago

Babby said...

14 days ago

I am experiencing severe caregiver burnout. I am 70 years old only child taking care of my 90 year old mother in my home. I suffer from rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia mong other medical problems. What is the best way to relieve my burnout?

FrancesC said...

14 days ago

emptynest said...

13 days ago

21 days ago

My mom is 57 and has been intubated for the third time since her inpatient admittance on the 1oth (26th today). I have requested a family meeting with doctor but my father and her husband and my sister an on/gyn nurse thinks I ask too many questions. Today we just found out due to my family keeping my quiet the tests I wanted a week ago practically killed her left lung due to fluid on lungs. I again got shot down for a family meeting with the doctor. I am 32 yes old a college graduate, work with children on the autism spectrum and think I am fairly well educated. It is my right as her adult child to ask for a family meeting and request they join me? My twin brother in Iowa City also wants this but cannot visit anymore due to work.

FrancesC said...

21 days ago

SusieQ1234 said...

21 days ago

When does my mom require a nursing home? My parents are 82 and 83. Dad is in early stages of dimentia. He is caring for my mom, who's weakened from chemo and dialysis to the point where she can barely stand or move her feet to take a few steps or pivot. Mom has taken up residency in her lazy boy chair in the family room, where she sleeps, as well as is bordering incontinence wearing depends. She has always been the matriarch of the family, and dad still defers to her on a regular basis, despite her huge lack of judgment and lack of short term memory. While it's tough to lift her to move her from her chair to the car for dialysis and doctor appointments, we are managing for the short time. But I'm finding out that the only time that my dad has my mom cleaned up and changed is on days she goes to the doctor, meaning that she's sitting in wet messy garments for 2-3 days at a time. Dad's taken care of her food and pills, but I worry about infection. Since she's in a lazy boy chair as opposed to a bed or hospital bed, it makes it near impossible to change her there. We were looking into bringing in home care, but since mom's not able to really walk, and continuing getting weaker, I'm not sure that will be enough. I admire my dad for caring for her, but at the same time, at what point should we get a nursing home involved?

20 days ago

Ravin said...

19 days ago

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