How Do You Tell a Loved One They Are Moving to Memory Care?

What's the best way to tell your loved one that a memory care facility is their best living option? For some people, this question is painfully relevant as they watch a person they love — perhaps their mother, father, or grandparent — begin to show signs of Alzheimer's or another form of dementia.

Memory care residences design their premises specifically to care for people with dementia. These facilities feature safety controls, specially trained staff, and other accommodations to help residents live life to the fullest. Your loved one may still resist moving from their home, however. 

Explore suggestions for how to have a productive discussion with your loved one that will help ease this vital transition in this in-depth guide.

Although people with early-stage dementia may receive the help they need from home care, they may require additional memory care services as their condition progresses. Staff members receive training in caring for patients with dementia and memory loss. Residents can feel comfortable in facilities that prioritize their safety.

The likelihood of caregiver burnout may also increase with time, as symptoms such as sundowning become a more significant burden. Caregivers, family members, and your loved one's medical team may reach a consensus that memory care or dementia care will help them live a more fulfilling and happy life. 

When that point comes, choosing a memory care facility ahead of time can make it easier for you to talk to your loved one about their care. A thorough visit, where you can explore public spaces, see living areas, taste the food, and ask questions, can make conversation with your loved one easier. To help make your visit more productive, Caring.com has a downloadable PDF checklist for choosing a memory care facility.

Telling your loved one that they'll be moving to memory care can be challenging. It may take more than one conversation, especially if they are resistant. Try to put yourself in their shoes during discussions, and remain compassionate and loving throughout the process. 

Sometimes, to avoid overly upsetting your loved one, it may be best to back off and wait for a time when they are calmer. Here are a few tips on how to ensure a positive, worthwhile conversation on the matter:

• Pick the Right Time and Place: Choose a familiar place for you and your loved one, such as their home, a favorite park, or a quiet restaurant after sharing a meal. If they experience late-day distress, also known as "sundowning," avoid this time of day and consider having your discussion in the morning. Think carefully about who will be involved in the conversation. A one-on-one talk is often the best option, while other situations may necessitate involving other family members or friends. 
• Explain Things Calmly and With Empathy: In many cases, there will be initial resistance, but it's best to avoid expressing anger or frustration. Give your loved one the time and space to consider what you're telling them. Speak from a place of love, and assure them that you understand their concerns and want the best care for them.
• Use Positive Framing and Reassuring Language: Assure your loved one that you are not abandoning them. Some senior adults may fear being forgotten by their family — reassure them that you'll be with them every step of the way. Use positive language, speaking of your wish for them to have the best care possible from people who understand their needs.
• Listen to Their Concerns and Objections: Allow ample time for your loved one to speak. They may have concerns or objections, and they are likely to have questions. Do not belittle their objections. Use positive language, and talk about the benefits they'll have, such as tasty prepared meals, fun activities and events, and the chance to make new friends.  
• Involve Them in the Process: No one wants to feel helpless, and involving your loved one in the process can give them a sense of autonomy and independence. Offer choices whenever possible. For example, let them pick personal items for their new home and determine how and where they should be displayed. If possible, visit the facility with them beforehand so they can see where they will be living. Make a point of introducing them to staff and residents at the facility.

If you care for an older family member, the time may come when memory care is better than being at home. Working with them to facilitate a smooth move to memory care can be challenging, however. Although they may be resistant at first, you may find them more receptive if you involve them in the process and explain each step calmly and compassionately. In some cases, memory care may help your loved one's condition improve, so it's worth taking the time and energy to make their transition a positive, stress-free experience.