How do you accept the decline of dementia patient even though you know it was coming?

Living with dementia can be very difficult for families. You want to do everything you can for your mom, but accepting her decline"”which is part of the disease process"”can be physically and emotionally taxing. And, it is the behavioral changes, like needing help with dressing, toileting, and eating and even wandering away from home and getting disoriented, which cause families to institutionalize their loved ones. And, then dealing with all the guilt that follows.

With dementia, such as Alzheimer's disease, the brain is actually shrinking, and losing brain cells or neurons. This results in the loss of being able to perform even simple tasks such as dressing or eating. The inability to recognize family members or be forgetful or confused most of the time can create a great burden for the family. You already are trying to get some things out of the way like funeral arrangements.

This is where hospice can help you so much. Many people think of hospice care as being for the dying, and therefore not appropriate for someone who has "only" been diagnosed with dementia. However, hospice care can help greatly in the day-to-day living of a person with dementia. Ask her doctor if he feels hospice is appropriate for your mom. This will require his/her certification that your mom has 6 months or less to live. If she is appropriate, the hospice team is there to provide support to you as well as your mom. More than anything else, hospice is supportive care"”care that is tailored to help your mom and you enjoy the rest of the time together.

It is admirable that you are trying to make this time the very best for your mom. In the process, however, don't forget to take care of you!