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How do I manage living with a depressed and reclusive father?

2 answers | Last updated: Jun 18, 2010
An anonymous caregiver asked...

67% helpful
RobinD answered...

You're at one of the most difficult points in life when caring for a parent. I can feel your worry and exhaustion through your words. And I have been right See also:
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See all 418 questions about Paying for Care
where you are. I think you go on autopilot just to get through the day.

One of the benefits of putting him into a nursing home OR assisted living is that he gets a chance to be around people going through the same thing.

I moved my father into a private assisted living home where it was a home, but set up to handle careging and assisted living in a home environment. This might be an option. The normally run a little more since they get better service.

Or you can check with the larger types where they have functions available. I would take a trip to the local Senior Center in your community as they have unlimited information for seniors. You can also contact your doctor who can work with you and his care might be covered under medicare or through his insurance if he still has it.

I enrolled my parents with Scan which provides many benefits to seniors in their later years. Plus they offer respite care for you.

Bottom line, doing what we can for our parents is something we never think about, and when it happens, we always step up to the plate. Our parents raised us well. But we forget in the longrun what it will actually cost.

Make this a good time in your life for both of you. There are options, assistance and information available; don't get discouraged and the sooner you do know what your options are, the more in control of your own life you'll be.

Good luck.


More Answers
An anonymous caregiver answered...

Anonymous Caring should please consult an "elder care" or estate planning lawyer before going forward with anything. I am in a similar situation and find finances the crux of my heartache. I have lived with my 93 year old mother for over 30 years and she never put me on the title because she said, "No one will ever be able to put me in a nursing home." I have her power of attorney, too. I consulted an estate planning attorney who advised against a reverse mortgage. Check with your nursing home and find out what their policy is about putting the family home up for payment of his care (when the time comes) and whether they will accept him as a medicaid resident after the equity of the home is used for his care. I know this is not what you want to hear. (I, too, was to inherit the family home.) All of the ads for "in home" care profess that the elderly would be happier in their own home--the problem is the cost is equivalent to nursing home care--and if the family doesn't have that much disposable income, it isn't even slightly possible. There is a lot of guilt directed towards customers (families of the elderly) attached to in-home care ads. ..but no financially viable answers to help us keep parents in their own home without going broke. The fees are often prohibitive unless a child has a CEO's income. Keep doing what you can. You are doing your best. Love is Hard