How do I balance my time with the time I need to give to caring for my mother with Alzheimer's?
I recently quit my full time job to care for my mother, who is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. How can I balance being with her and doing my own chores? I give her as many chores as I think she can do, but there are still things only one person can do. She doesn't like to be left alone. How do I balance the time I need to take care of certain chores with her need to be with me?
Expert Answer
You are absolutely right that it is important for you to balance your time with your mother with your own needs. If you start this now in the early stages, you will be in a much better position as the disease progresses. Caregivers who do not take care of themselves often become ill themselves or burn out from the constant stress.
I would suggest setting up a schedule for yourself and your mother. Include several chores each day that are hers to do or to help you with. But also have times of the day when you are occupied. If you set up a regular routine, it will help her know what to expect, which ultimately brings comfort and a feeling of safety. Some families put a large white board in a prominent place in the home that lists the schedule for the day. You can train your mom to look at that board by directing her there every time she asks what she should do.
You might also consider hiring a companion once or twice a week to take your mother somewhere -- out to lunch, to a museum, for a walk – whatever she enjoys doing. That will guarantee you a little bit of alone time in the house and will build an alternate relationship for your mother. Also you might look at either early stage or adult day programs in your area and see whether there is a place where she could go once or twice a week to get some of her social needs met by someone other than you. Although you are her "security blanket" it is possible and helpful to find some other places and people where she feels safe and comfortable.