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Would a weekend at home be harmful for my father?

Iowa family asked...

under staffed and under trained facility - he does much better when family and firends take him out- We want to take him home for an over night but there are peop-le who say this will be disruptive- what do we do?

Expert Answer

Brenda Avadian, brings knowledge, hope, and joy to family caregivers for loved ones with Alzheimer's and dementia. She cared for her father with Alzheimer's and helps families one-on-one and in groups. She is the author of eight books, including the pioneering memoir "Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk through Alzheimer's and the Finding the JOY in Alzheimer's series. She presents vivid, compelling, and funny keynotes to both professional and family caregiving audiences.

A weekend at home would not be harmful for your father. In fact, it may do the two of you some good depending on his condition.

After a placement, professionals often advise that you wait a few weeks to a couple months to visit in order to give your loved one a chance to get used to his/her new surroundings. This also applies to taking him/her out for a visit.

As awful as "dropping off then turning our backs" can feel for us family members, this is the best option for everyone involved.

Waiting gives your father the opportunity to avoid distraction; especially, if he repeats, "I want to go home." This repeated request makes is difficult for all parties involved--your loved one, you, and the staff at the home.

Once you're sure he has acclimatized to his new surroundings talk with the staff about your plans to learn what they recommend. You might start out with an initial visit then take him out for an afternoon. If your father responds well then try the overnight.

Let us know how it works. Until then, I send you my best wishes!