How can we make visits to the nursing home easier on us all?
We have recently moved my boyfriend's grandmother into a skilled nursing facility. Prior to this we were the main caretakers (he is the POA) and between the two of us we were pretty much with her 24 hours a day for the past few months. Now we are having a difficult time going to visit her. When she was at home she would tell us she wanted to go home but now it is even worse. Sometimes when we visit we try to assist in her caretaking, like trying to convince her to eat or take her pills but this often escalates until the point she is extremely agitated and sometimes physically violent. Sometimes it seems like we can trigger some of this when we visit so we have been trying to call ahead to see what kind of state she is in before we come.
My boyfriend especially is having a hard time coping with this and blaming himself when the upsets occur. He has been working relentlessly to try to figure out a schedule of when the best time of day is to visit but this isn't always consistent either. Do you have any tips on how we can make these visits more enjoyable for all parties involved?
Expert Answer
The best advice I can offer you is to give it time. Transitions are tough for all involved. The decision to place a family member in a nursing home is one of the most difficult – particularly if the older adult prefers to remain at home. Often it takes time to accept that there was no other way (logistically and/or financially) to ensure their safety and adequate care. Sometimes a nursing home is often the only option.
Based on the level of need you describe, it sounds like your boyfriend did the right thing - for himself and for his grandmother. Support him if he is second-guessing himself and encourage him to allow her time to adjust to the new surroundings and routine.