How can I balance my aunts' demands for updates on my mom and caring for my family?
My mom is in the late stage of dementia and I just moved her from my home to an Alzheimer's facility. Her sisters, who live 1000 miles away, keep calling me demanding updates, and demanding and now pleading to talk to my mom, but she's beyond talking on the phone. I've posted a video but they don't use the internet. I don't know how to get through to them that I'm caring for three kids in elementary school, my mom, working full-time and I don't have time to deal with their needs too. Are there any resources that I can print out and mail them since they don't seem to have computers?
Expert Answer
Your instinct to mail information to your distant family on the progress of Alzheimer's disease is a perfect solution. I suggest you use caring.com as a wonderful resource to guide them. As they become more acquainted with the disease and how it renders the memory-impaired person (MIP) unable to perform such tasks as communicate on the telephone, your family should become less demanding. This overview of the manifestations of Alzheimer's and caring for a MIP will be more viable as it is coming from the 'experts' and not from you. Sometimes, it is necessary to be very honest with family members who are impinging on your ability to offer the best care possible to your mom. Caring for three young ones while holding a full-time job is difficult at best but you also have the responsibility of overseeing your Mom's care. Accolades to you for maintaining your positive outlook considering the negativity from her long-distance relatives! I would not hesitate to inform them of your busy schedule and suggest they call the Social Worker or Program Director at the Alzheimer facility where mom will be living. Suggest also that they phone once a week at an appointed time for an update. This is part of the job-description for these facility employees and they are happy to communicate with family. Let her sisters know that this arrangement will help you to care for mom AND to perform your own duties to your immediate family. They need to know their constant harrassment is causing you discomfort and it needs to stop. You should feel much relief when you offer them a positive substitute plan; it is both a kind and reasonable alternative to the frequent calls.
Please find time to take care of you on a regular schedule!