How do I begin the process of moving my parents closer to me?

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 14, 2017
Kay jay asked...

I am feeling overwhelmed by the challenges presented in moving my out-of-state parents closer to me. I am their only child. They are 87 and 89, frail, but mentally competent,and fiercely independent. They live is a remote, rural area about an hour from the nearest grocery store and almost 2 hours from their doctor or any type of health care. They love their home and for years refused to consider the possibility of moving. My mom arranged for some out of work family members to live with them for the past 6 years, to do the driving and "helping out." This has never worked well. The house and yard are always unkept, filthy (10-20 cats running around) and in disrepair. My mom pays the bills and taxes (barely) and it takes her a huge amount of time just staying current. My parents receive MediCal which is California's version of MediCaid, but its continuously being revoked because they haven't filled out a form, or updated their latest piece of paperwork (or allow me to do it) My parents live on their SSR and have a very small additional income from a house which they rent. They had no insurance other than Medicare and huge medical bills, so they took out a a 2nd mortgage back when the banks were handing out money (this was without my knowledge, and before I had got them started on Medicaid) Currently they are upside down on that loan. My parents have always been reluctant to accept help, or advice from me except when circumstances get dire. I understand that, because I have been the person pointing out for years (usually as tactfully as possible, but I know it was unwelcome advice) that the remote location, the "helping out" family members (with a myriad of their own health and other issues ) was not working. I've been helping from afar by doing their taxes, online bill paying, filing for medicaid, etc. When I visit, I clean, do yard work and have repairs done. Quite recently, the family members who were helping my folks have moved out. Now my parents want to move near me. There are so many problems, large and small! I don't know what to do first, and I haven't even really started! It doesn't help that I am in the middle of moving myself. My husband recently accepted a job offer in another part of the state. All the research I had done locally, on the off chance that my parents would finally agree to move, no longer applies. I plan to get down to them as soon as I get my own move completed, as they don't drive and are having to pay neighbors to help them. I'm hoping I can get their house fixed up enough to be rentable and then move them. I have a limited amount of money to do this. I'm really worried about switching between 2 different state health care programs. I have no idea where they will live once they get here, other than with me! I also know that they cannot continue on where they are.

Community Answers

Ctofhouston answered...

Kay Jay, it sounds like you really have your hands full. There are companies out there that specialize in Senior Moves, Downsizing and Estate Liquidations that can help with all of the challenges you are facing. The really nice thing with some of these companies is that most of their fees can be paid for from the proceeds of the estate liquidation. I would see if there is one if your parents area that you could at least talk to and see if they can help. Good Luck.

Stacybusch answered...

Hi Kay Jay,

I belong to the National Association of Senior Move Managers and may be able to help you locate a service near your parents that could help. If you would like to email or call me I can be reached at 408-300-3590 or

Best of luck!!!!

Stacy Busch, CEO Tailored Transitions, Inc.