My mothers siblings want us to pay them back for funeral costs, can they do this?

A fellow caregiver asked...

Hi there, my mother died two years ago aged 53 and because she was on state benefits, her father paid for the funeral costs. We assumed that being her parent, that was fair enough. Now my grandad (mums father) has passed away and her share of the inheritance is due to us, her siblings are saying it was only a loan and that it is due out of what we are owed?! Can they do this??

Expert Answer

Judy and Fred co-mediate family property and financial conflicts, and each work individually as mediators as well. Judy Barber, a mediator and family business consultant, assists clients in resolving overlapping family and money conflicts so they are better able to make sound estate planning decisions. Frederick Hertz is an attorney and mediator who specializes in resolving co-ownership matters involving families, siblings, spouses, cohabitants and domestic partners.

It's not a question of "whether" they can do this -- the question is whether it is legally valid. Generally one is not allowed to retroactively convert a gift or a voluntary payment into a loan, so most likely this is not legally valid. But what is more important is dealing with your family directly, to find out what is motivating them to make this request -- and to see how you can communicate with them to minimize future conflicts.