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How can I support my husband in caring for his dad with dementia?

A fellow caregiver asked...

my father-in-law had a small stroke about 5 years ago.  He got really lucky and the only thing it seemed to have affected was his sight perception, or so we thought.  Now he seems to have some dementia going on and my husband is caring for him at home.  His dad is now having delusions and is paranonoid about the neighbor he's never met trying to take over everything he owns.  He even wants to call the law on him.  My husband gets upset because it's not real and he can't get his dad to believe him, He's even having to crush his meds and put it his food because dad refuses to take it.  How can I help them both from getting worked up and mad at each other?

Expert Answer

A social worker and geriatric consultant who specializes in dementia care, Joyce Simard is based in Land O' Lakes, Florida, and in Prague. She is a well-known speaker and has written two books, one focusing on end-of-life care and the other, entitled The Magic Tape Recorder, explaining aging, memory loss, and how children can be helpers to their elders.

Your father-in-law needs a complete psychiatric assessment immediately. It appears that the medications he is taking are not effective. Use the "fix the problem" approach to dealing with his perceptions. If he thinks the neighbors are out to get him, for example,  let him know that you are taking care of the situation for him. Whatever the problem, let him know you are taking care of it  -- then try to change the subject. You cannot reason with someone who is having delusions.