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My husband is being placed in a home. He has anger issues. Should I visit him?

A fellow caregiver asked...

My husband will be placed in a home. He wanders and has anger problems. The hospital is sedating him for the new move. He is nasty to me. Should I continue in seeing him at the home. The hospital already told me not to come because it triggers him to want to go home. Joy-wife

Expert Answer

Brenda Avadian, brings knowledge, hope, and joy to family caregivers for loved ones with Alzheimer's and dementia. She cared for her father with Alzheimer's and helps families one-on-one and in groups. She is the author of eight books, including the pioneering memoir "Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk through Alzheimer's and the Finding the JOY in Alzheimer's series. She presents vivid, compelling, and funny keynotes to both professional and family caregiving audiences.

Despite your husband's anger issues, you should visit him IF that's what YOU wish to do.

You don't mention if his issues are a result of dementia or other illness. Those closest to us often lash out at us when they're afraid or feel helpless.

I hope the staff's suggestion "not to come" is for the immediate term and not long term. Again, he is your husband and if you miss him (despite his nastiness) and want to visit, do so; just not right away.

Once a two or three weeks pass, visit him. If the visit upsets you too much or him, decide then what you feel comfortable doing. If you have children see if they can visit him instead.

Those who have regular visitors often receive better quality care.