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How can I get my father to move into a nursing home closer to me?

A fellow caregiver asked...

My father lives in CA and my sister and I live in MI and PA. He is confused, has hoarding issues and is not taking care of his bills, let alone his health or eating properly. We want to have him come to live near me and there are times when he agrees to this idea. Other times he does not know who we are. We are very concerned for his safety. My sister visited him and found the house is a mess, he has lost weight and is depressed over the loss of his wife 5 yrs ago. He has assets that could cover the cost of his care in an assisted living or nursing care facility. How do we get him to move out of state and use his funds to pay for his care if he is not always competent? It is not possible to fly out there for court hearings, app'ts with lawyers, etc. Can we file something in Michigan? I am unsure what to do next? He does not have a Living Trust, or financial power of attorney. He did file a durable power of attorney for my sister to make medical decisions for him in case he is unable. He is 87 and has minor health problems that we know about.

Expert Answer

Donna Quinn Robbins is the author of Moving Mom and Dad and On the Road of Life, Drive Yourself. She helps individuals, families, retirement communities, and corporations make successful transitions. Robbins is an active public speaker on the topic of senior transition services and has appeared on NBC's Today Show.

This is not a situation you can deal with alone. I strongly advise you to get a geriatric care manager to help you. There is a group in Tucson that you could contact and see if there is anyone in his area you could hire. If not, a social worker would help. Don't try and tackle this alone.