How can I help my mother be more social and accept help from others?
Mom is 92 and in good physical health and gets around with no problem. She is living in a senior apartment complex where most of her current neighbors are still active and come and go all day. We have her meals delivered daily.She continually complains that she has no one to talk to or sit outside in the patio area with. I hired a lady to come every other day for 30 minutes to 1 hour to sit with her and visit and just talk. After 3 days Mother hid in her apartment and wouldn't come outside or answer the door. Before we moved her from her home we had hired someone to come 3 days a week to do light housekeeping and fix her meals. She locked them out of the house and refused to let them do anything. She says she doesn't need assistance. Please give me some advice on how to handle this.
Expert Answer
You ask about helping mom be more social when she rejects the offers of help you have made or tried to set up. It's important to find out more about what's going on with mom's mental health. Social isolation can be risky for elders. Sometimes it's related to depression, to dementia or to other issues. Isolation can lead to other, more sinister problems. I suggest that you seek an evaluation of mom by a geropsychiatrist or other sensitive and understanding mental health professional who works with elders. You may have to talk her into it. She will probably not want to go, but you will need to insist. Ask her to do it for your sake, to humor you.
Research has demonstrated that social contact and engagement with others is an important component of our mental health at any age. Some are more inclined to socialize than others, but few people thrive without social engagement. You are on the right track, showing your concern. If her isolation is related to depression, which lots of doctors miss, please know that depression is treatable and that there is a good chance of successful treatment of depression with elders. Do your research and find a good provider. Your local Mental Health Association or Area Agency on Aging will be possible resources for you. Keep working on this. Your mom needs your assistance and the problem requires attention.