How can I get my aunt to stop bothering me for my Grandmother's POA rights?

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 19, 2016
Fredstone asked...

I am my grandmothers POA and live-in care giver we are both on ssi. I don't do this for money and have been doing this for 7 yrs. My aunt has started badgering and verbally abusing me to give her the POA. she has not done nothing for her mom except threten us and now my grandmother has dementia. What can i do to get her to leave us alone?

Expert Answers

Carolyn Rosenblatt, R.N. and Attorney is the author of author of The Boomer's Guide to Aging Parents. She has over 40 years of combined experience in her two professions. As a nurse, she has extensive experience with geriatrics, chronic illness, pain management, dementias, disability, family dynamics, and death and dying. As a trial attorney, she advocated for for the rights of injured individuals and neglected elders. She is also co-founder of

You ask how you can get your aunt to stop bothering you for your grandmother's POA. You also mentioned that your grandmother has dementia.

If your grandmother is not competent to really understand the POA now or the implications of changing it, she isn't legally able to change it. Further, you do not have to tolerate badgering from anyone. It's a matter of standing up to your aunt, politely, and letting her know that there is not going to be a change of POA, that grandma has dementia now and can't change any documents (if that is correct) and that you aren't going to listen to her threats.

If she calls, end the conversation quickly with "this is not a subject I am going to discuss with you". Hang up if you must. If she makes threats when she visits, let her know that you will seek legal advice if her threats continue. Then do it. There are low cost or free legal clinics for low income persons in many communities. Check with your county Bar Association or look on the net or yellow pages for low cost legal services. Some counties offer free legal services to seniors through Legal Aid, elder law clinics, senior centers and other community centers. Do your research.
No one deserves to be bullied, but it is your responsibility to put a stop to it.

Community Answers

Topazseas answered...

I went through the same struggle with my worthless sister for mom's POA. She doesn't lift a finger to help me with mom, but I am to call her for any money related issues so she can meet us at the bank. Ha! Not in this lifetime!

What I did with my sister when the busy body next door told her she came over to witness mom signing POA papers is, I screamed back. I was so incensed that sister had the nerve to insist she be added as POA, too, I almost gave myself a heart attack. I literally started to get chest pains. I let everything out. The fact she doesn't call to see how mom is. How she expects ME to keep HER in the loop so she doesn't have to make the effort. How I have to twist her arm to get her here for a few days so I can get away -- and then acts like a friggin martyr for doing it. How I don't trust her with money cus she's about as responsible as a mentally challenged 12 year old. And just about as informed when it comes to handling investments. She never opened her mouth about it again.