How can I get someone to take care of my husband and have peace about leaving him?
I have been caregiving my stroke disabled husband for 5 yrs. without a break. Now he is diagnosed with Parkinson's due to the severity of the initial stroke. The longer I care for him, the more difficult it is to feel comfortable leaving him. Now I have this dilema. He is unable to clean himself thoroughly after a BM (I guess because he can not stay on task). He does not "feel" that he is not clean, which I can't understand. Therefore, I must check him at bedtime in order to prevent bedsores. I need to visit our son who is having surgery and I don't know what to do about getting help to replace me while I am gone. If I put him in a respite facility temporarily, I am afraid they will not take care of him. And I can't hire someone just to come by a "clean him" before bedtime. The preparations just to leave is so overwhelming that is why I have not made an effort in the past 5 yrs. How can I get someone to take care of my husband and have peace about leaving him.
Expert Answer
You are a saint to have spent so many years providing care. And you are overwhelmed by the task you have set yourself. It is more than time for a break, and a visit to your son who is having surgery is not nearly sufficient. You need a BREAK - time away from caregiving.
All caregivers, especially those who provide 24/7 care to one who is physically disabled, need time away from the job. You can use this opportunity to establish a way for your to have ROUTINE breaks, so that you will avoid burnout.
Yes, you can hire someone to come over at bedtime. Instead of saying for 'clean up', you can request bedtime preparation. Most companion agencies have a minimum time, usually 3-4 hours, for a visit. Ask them to help your husband with his bath, shaving, and dinner. Request that the same care provider come each night that you are away, so your husband has some continuity.
Once a month after your return, hire the same agency and caregiver to come by for several nights. Or, ask them to come once weekly. The quality of care you provide for your husband will improve if you can count on small breaks, time away from him. On the nights the agency is there, plan to be away from the home. Go to a book club or a movie or exercise or a long walk - whatever, so long as you are OUT.
If you are troubled by being away, consider that this is something you are doing for him, to improve the quality of care he gets. As his diagnoses now include Parkinson's Disease, this may become preparation for time in a nursing facility as his disease progresses. It cripples him to always have care from only you - You may not be there all the time, everyday, for the remainder of his life.
You must take care of yourself in order to take care of him.