How can I convince my mother to move to a safer place near me?
My mother lives 400 miles away in a two-story home. She cannot navigate the steps well, is confused at times, doesn't drive much (shouldn't at all), and is TOTALLY resistant to moving. I have leased a small apartment for her near me, but she insists she is NOT moving. I am at a total loss as to what to do. How can I convince her to move?
Expert Answer
Many adult children are going through this same complex scenario -- when do I step in to help a parent who's living alone?
If you feel that your mother isn't safe in her home, I'd suggest having a conversation with her about specific concerns; for example, falls in the home, medication management, self care, driving, and/or financial matters. If she acknowledges some areas of difficulty, see if she would be open to having some assistance in the home.
I encourage my home care clients and families to be proactive by exploring local options for assistance -- for example, Agencies on Aging , Meals on Wheels, as well as continuing care retirement communities. Older adults perform best in familiar environments, although at some point their home may not be the safest place for a variety of reasons, including the physical layout of the home, and changes in cognition and/or mobility. If your mother insists on remaining in her home, try to find out why. If you know that, for example, she is worried about finances, or about moving away from her network of friends, or about being a burden to you, you can better address her concerns.
If you truly feel that she's unsafe living independently and she isn't open to assistance, I recommend that you discuss your concerns with her physician. A physician can make appropriate referrals that will help you assess her ability to live independently. An occupational therapist can perform a one-time home safety evaluation to determine your mother's ability to perform everyday tasks and make recommendations to improve safety in the home.
If her driving capabilities are in question, ask her physician to address this and possibly refer her for a driving evaluation by a certified driver rehabilitation specialist. If she's unable to continue driving, she'll need to explore alternative transportation options to enable her to continue living independently.
If the final decision is for your mother to move closer to you, do some homework on medical services, transportation opportunities and activities for seniors in your area to support her physical and emotional well-being. The initial move will probably be very unsettling and require more assistance from you until she's settled into a routine and has developed a social network.