How do I get my husband to cope with his father's Alzheimer's diagnosis?

Denial is a common response to an Alzheimer's disease diagnosis. It's a kind of coping mechanism, a way to absorb the shock, grief, and fear of learning your parent has a disease from which there is no recovery, only slow decline. In fact the early symptoms of dementia often go "unnoticed" by family members in our subconscious eagerness to write them off as coincidences, normal aging, or misunderstandings. Where denial becomes a problem is when it interferes with proper care and planning for the inevitable (regarding driving, finances, housing, etc.). One thing that can help a great deal is learning about the disease. Often fears are crippling -- but it can be empowering to discover that life with Alzheimer's does not have to be entirely grim, and that learning ways to best meet the needs of someone with Alzheimer's can make life a lot smoother for everyone involved. Share literature with your husband that he can read at his leisure. (Your local Alzheimer's Association has many good resources.) Or send him links to online sites like this one -- Caring.com specifically addresses grown children caring for aging parents, just like him. Some people absorb information best from authority figures; you might ask your parent's doctor or a geriatric care manager to meet with him. Would he agree to visiting a support group for Alzheimer's caregivers? Comparing notes with others who have been where he is now may help him see how common his situation and reaction are. And give it time. Provided your father-in-law is safe and cared for, it may help your husband's relationship with his dad to see him in this light now, and eventually he will come to realize for himself which behaviors can and can't be written off as normal.