Will moving be too much for Dad?

3 answers | Last updated: Mar 28, 2016
Gary254 asked...

My father has been in a nursing home for over a year. He has dementia and other health issues. I had some problems with his care and was going to move him to another nursing home when the staff bent over backwards to address the my concerns. He is now also on hospice program now. At this point, would it be too much for him to be moved if we continue to have problems? He doesn't know who I am anymore, but he knows I'm familiar to him. He has said that I'm his friend, or his brother, but doesn't know I'm his son.

Expert Answers

Donna Quinn Robbins is the author of Moving Mom and Dad and On the Road of Life, Drive Yourself. She helps individuals, families, retirement communities, and corporations make successful transitions through her company, Ultimate Moves. Robbins is an active public speaker on the topic of senior transition services and has appeared on NBC's Today Show.

My question to you is now that the staff has stepped up to the plate, why would you want to move your Dad? Not knowing more than what you have told me, I would strongly suggest you not move him. Thank you, Donna Q. Robbins

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Community Answers

Cbs answered...

IF the care has improved to the level that you require, I too, would suggest that you do not move him. My answer is based on my experience with my father. Towards the end, when he no longer knew who I was, just said I was "that nice blond lady who comes to see me" and thought my Mom was his mother, we took him out to the park. He was absolutely terrified. He would not let go of our hands, and was scared to death. We realized then, that even tho he no longer knew who or where he was, the home was at least familiar. I would be concerned that your father might feel "lost", as mine did, if he was moved. Of course, if he continues to not get the care that you desire/feel he needs, then you must weigh that against his possible fear. Physically, he can probably withstand the move (might need to consider moving by ambulance if he is in that poor of health.) Only you can make that decision as we do not know your father as you do. One suggestion is that you might discuss the possibility of a move with the hospice worker and get her/his opinion. They have worked with many in your father's situation and may be able to either help facilitate change in the care he is receiving at his current home, or help you with making a change in homes. But they will be better able to give you a qualified opinion on how he would fare either way. Best to you and your family.

Ca-claire answered...

I guess my question is similar to those posted before me. Has the level of care continued at the 'better' level since you mentioned you might move him? As long as the care continues to be at the level you believe appropriate for what he needs and what you are paying for, I would leave him where he is. A move can sometimes create even more difficulties for the patient. Check with the social worker from the hospice to see what their opinion is - they are a very good resource.