Alzheimer's Support Groups

Hi resahar, Thanks for your question, and to all who shared such wonderful suggestions! Here are some additional tips and resources on Caring.com that may help...

An elder companion or in-home care provider may visit your mom at her assisted living residence and help with light housekeeping: https://www.caring.com/questions/is-house-cleaning-offer-by-home-care-providers Here's how to find this type of helper in your mom's area: https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care-in-minnesota More information about how to hire in-home caregivers, check references, pay for care, etc. can be found here: https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care

Caring.com has tips to help persuade your mom to accept this type of help: https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-get-your-loved-one-to-accept-an-elder-companion The difficult behaviors solution center also has some strategies for dealing with the "resists help" behavior: https://www.caring.com/slideshows/resists-help. You may also find this Alzheimer's behaviors info center helpful as well: https://www.caring.com/alzheimers-behavior-problems

Another caregiver asked a similar question in our Ask & Answer area of the website, and received an expert answer that you may find valuable: https://www.caring.com/questions/alzheimers-cleaning-bathing

Another idea to consider is buying a housecleaning robot for your mom, which is a one-time purchase (est. $120-$500) and can help with her sense of dignity and control (she may even consider it fun and neat to own): https://www.caring.com/checklists/useful-gadgets-for-elderly Also, if she can't manage a complete housecleaning regularly, try to simplify by focusing on these often-neglected surfaces: https://www.caring.com/articles/clean-where-it-counts-3-surfaces

As the disease progresses, your mom may simply lack the wherewithal for housecleaning: https://www.caring.com/symptoms/alzheimers-symptoms/spilling-something-and-not-cleaning-it-up If she continues to resist help, it may be better for her residence to be cleaned while she's otherwise occupied in activities at the assisted living community, with friends or family, or in the company of a professional elder companion.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Please do let us know if you need more. Thanks!

When my husband came home from his stay at the dementia unit at an assisted living facility, our house was piled high with paper, furniture, junk, from his years as a pack rat and my denial of his increasing dementia. His caregivers and I set to clearing space but found that we couldn't take ANYTHING out of the house if he was aware of it. So we spent a lot of time spiriting things out when he wasn't looking, and he didn't seem to notice. However, once we took out the old broken chair he liked to hang his jacket on and didn't replace it right away and he got ticked off. He likes to keep his Wall Street Journals on the coffee table and spreads them out all over--first I tried to "get him" to go through them (that had never worked, why did I bother?) then I'd surreptitiously collect all that were more than a week old and straighten up the rest, but he could tell somebody had been messing with them. Now, once a week before "recycling" day, when he's asleep, I carefully take everything more than a week old and put it in the recycle bin in the garage, and leave the rest "strewn" pretty much in the same places (moving them strategically to wipe up crumbs, etc.) and he doesn't seem to notice. I tried to clean out the office piles and at first he would get mad, but now it's been 2 years he's been home and I'm throwing away old papers right in front of him. I don't know if he's used to my doing it, or declining. Probably some of both. But I go along with those who are advising cleaning it while she's somewhere else, with the caveat that as much as possible things should be left where she likes to find them. I think with my DH it's just another "loss of control" issue. He's gradually mellowed to the point where he'll actually HAND me his dirty shirt (not socks or shorts yet, though) about 50% of the time (at first he'd hide all his dirty clothes because the caregivers were "stealing them". Any change is hard at first but he seems to have gotten used to many things over time. Just takes him a lot longer than "normal" (?) people (are there any of those out there??? :) )

Hafa Adai resahar, I have a similar type of problem with my wife. She suffers from dementia and will allow nothing to be thrown away! At first this was an event filled with drama. Me demanding she get rid of old clothes and skivvies and she insisting she needed them. I finally figured out that when she went to sleep I could get things cleaned up pronto. My suggestion would be to have your aunt invite her for an outing. Coordinate with the facility crew to get the place back in shape. When they get back I would imagine any fuss would be small as she would be tired. When she gets up and finds things looking pretty good she will probably go back to complaining about the things she always does. Stumper

Hi Ms Terri, Thanks for sharing this question in this group, and thanks to all who offered their suggestions! Here is some information on Caring.com that you may also find helpful...

It sounds like your mother may be home alone with the dogs, correct? If so, consider having an elder companion or in-home care provider come in while you're out, to stay with your mom and help with providing you some rest from caregiving too: https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care Here are some tips for discussing this option with your mom: https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-get-your-loved-one-to-accept-an-elder-companion Besides offering care to your mom, and giving you some respite, the in-home care provider can also monitor the situation to give you reassurance (or raise issues) about the dogs' safety while you're out of the home.

A couple questions in Ask & Answer have been asked about Alzheimer's and pet ownership. You may wish to see the answers those caregivers received: How can my mother, who has Alzheimer's, and my pet safely live together? and Would a person with Alzheimer's Disease ever hurt their own pet?

Pets can serve as a form of therapy for loved ones with Alzheimer's: https://www.caring.com/articles/alternative-therapies-for-alzheimers However, please also keep in mind these tips for pet safety with seniors: https://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/pet-safety-seniors-pets-health-risk

I hope these resources are helpful to you!

I would add that as well - perhaps secure the dogs in another area while your not there.I am a firm believer that pets ADD a whole lot of enrichment and enjoyment to ALL of our lives, especially elderly and AD patients. The new cat mom and I got for her is huge entertainment, and forces mom to interact. Its been a joy to watch mom be able to get over the death of her beloved dog with the help of her new cat.

While it's true that dogs will be dogs, you don't want them to be abused or mistreated by someone whose mind is not functioning correctly. The suggestion of confining them somewhere while you work is a good one. Also, if your mom were to trip over one of them and break a bone or bones, her problems would be greatly elevated.

Dear Anon, do take the time to follow up on all the suggestions. Caring.com does have great help. Sending love your way. Piver

Hi anonymous, Thank you for sharing about your feelings, and thanks to everyone who shared such supportive comments in response! Following up on the suggestions you received...

Guilt is one of the 7 deadly emotions of caregiving: https://www.caring.com/articles/7-deadly-emotions-of-caregiving It's really important that you take some time for yourself too, and here are some ways you can get respite care for your mom and husband: https://www.caring.com/articles/respite-care

Your local Area Agency on Agency may be able to refer you to financial assistance programs to help cover the costs of care, and/or may have an adult day care program you can utilize: https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging

Caring.com offers financial information, including how to pay for care, in the Money & Legal section of the site: https://www.caring.com/senior-money-legal

Tips and strategies for caregiver wellness, including how to avoid or address caregiver burnout, are here: https://www.caring.com/caregiver-wellness

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you!

thank you all for taking time to help me, i so appreciate your kindness and encourgement, May the Lord Bless you all

Hi, A few more information and resource suggestions for you... - Strategies for self-care while caring for others: [https://www.caring.com/caregiver-wellness](https://www.caring.com/caregiver-wellness) - A geriatric care manager may be able to help with respite care arrangements when you are ill: [https://www.caring.com/local/geriatric-care-managers](https://www.caring.com/senior-care/geriatric-care-managers) Your local Area Agency on Aging can also share geriatric care information and assist with referral to local resources: [https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging](https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging) Hope you're feeling better or recovering well.

Anonymous, you said "they wouldn't let him out." It sounds like an illegal act, for them to trap him there like that. Maybe I misunderstood, but if they would release him to you for payment, they certainly could release him without the cash. Naturally they should be paid, but how can they have the right to commit what sounds like false imprisonment to me? I hope I misunderstood because I'm shocked that this happens.

Thanks for your post, anonymous. My prayers for your health also. Also for the reminder that I need to take care of my own medical needs. I'm overdue for mammogram and eye exam and keep putting it off because of so many other things to do but my counselor keeps bugging me about self care. I know she's right but I'm realizing that I've never been too good at putting my own needs first--although I always thought I was being selfish, so people who knew they could take advantage of me by accusing me of being selfish usually won out because I was so afraid of what others would think of me. I've just been assigned to "practice self-respect EVERY DAY" and I'm shocked to realize that I hardly know what that means.

Tears of compation for ALL us Superpeople caregivers, past and present! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

A great Big Hurrah for all these Superwomen I have met here!!! You are people to be proud of.

Warm Hug Momma R!!!