Secret Cure for Deadly Stress: Taking the Team Approach
By Melanie Haiken, Caring.com senior editor
Recently I went to a workshop on stress and health, and it was scary. Doctors have begun to take stress seriously as the trigger for many serious health concerns. In fact, the medical profession now considers stress a primary contributor to:
• Back Pain
• Headaches
• Heart Disease
• Stroke
• Diabetes
Research also documents a strong connection between stress and cancer. Even more convincing, stress can make the difference between surviving cancer -- and not. Studies have found, for example, that women who suffer from stress are more likely to develop a recurrence of breast cancer.
But there's a problem. When doctors tell us we need to reduce the stress in our lives, we roll our eyes. We're doing too much, thanks for telling us, but what's to be done? We have family members who need us, money to be earned, a house to keep, so much work to be done.
Turns out, though, that there's a fairly simple step we can take to relieve stress. It has to do with how we perceive ourselves: Are we alone in this situation, condemned to rely solely on ourselves? Or are there people behind us, supporting us, people we can call on?
Taking the Team Approach to Stress Relief
The secret to stress relief, these stress experts say, is learning to think of ourselves as part of a team. That means learning to ask for help. But even more than that, it's changing our mindset; we need to learn to expect help, to accept help as our due. As a corollary, we need to learn not to expect ourselves to do it all.
Back to the team metaphor. If you play forward on a basketball team, you wouldn't expect yourself to be all over the court, right? It's your job to stay near the basket. And you wouldn't hesitate to ask the point guard to do her job, would you? It's not a favor she's doing you, she's simply fulfilling her role.
Learning to think this way is really important for combating stress, experts say, because it's a way to define and control your expectations. Establish what you can expect from yourself and what you can expect from others, the thinking goes, and you can let go of the responsibilities that aren't yours.
Use the team mindset as much as possible in your work, at home, and in your role as a caregiver, and you take away the power of that voice we all have in our heads that makes us feel like we're supposed to do it all. Best of all, it takes away the power of guilt, that sabotaging emotion. How can we feel guilty when they're simply fulfilling their roles on the team, and we're fulfilling ours?
This team approach can be very empowering. Think of yourself as the coach: Which players are you going to choose for your team? This goes for the medical team; you call the shots in terms of choosing medical professionals to work with and adding new team members when you need them. It also applies to families. Everyone on the family team should have a role, based on what they can best contribute -- even those who are helping long-distance. And hey -- if someone's not doing their part, it pulls everyone else down. So bench them -- or throw them off the team altogether.
The caregivers I hear from talk a lot about family members not pulling their weight. That's not okay. It's time for some straight talk - are they on or off the team? If they're on the team, what are they going to contribute?
And no feeling guilty when you ask. Remember, they're on the team; it's perfectly reasonable to expect them to play their position.
Just re-enforced my gut feeling, thanks
Family members sharing responsibilities is very important, not only for my stress relief, but for their own well being. I am not very happy with my primary care physician, and now I might do something about that. I have numerous neurological problems, and am very happy with my neurologist. He understands and validates my illness. For years doctors would prescribe palliative meds because they thought my pain was "all in my head", and never investigated the cause. So all that time allowed my problems to worsen without proper treatment. I could go on and on about my anger at doctors, but let me just say that I am glad I found this site. I don't have Alzheimer's, but I do have MCI, and I have a problem with focusing on and completing tasks..
stress is a killer and it all depends on the individual i always try to block it out of my mind and think of something else it all depends on the situation its hard but all you can do is try instead of getting eatten up physically n mentally
For years I was caregiver for an ailing/demented husband. A couple of years after his death I was bulldozed into moving in with mjy daughter who thought I needed help. I really dont (no I am not in denial) as my health has improved immeasurably since moving in with her. BUT....I am approaching 88 and I know my time will come. We are talking, talking, talking. This website has been a big help. When I read something that I think might be germane in the future I email it to her. She can write checks on my bank account and my funeral is all taken care of. Now we go into the unknown of the next few years. Keep giving us knowledge and tips.
I just found out that my mother has melanoma that has now spread to a few of her lymph nodes so when I ran into this site I thought that it must have "been meant to be", so here I am, my very first time ever leaving a comment, or replying to anything online. I hope I can be some kind of positive addition to this whole process as a care-giver as well. I know, at the very least, I will add entertainment.
I think perhaps We have a disabled--mentally and physically--son living with us, his 15 yr. old son, and our 20 yr. old grandson
Hi, i work for the family resource network in Brick, NJ. We are a non profit organization supporting those with developmental disabilities and their families. We are having a National Caregivers Conference on October 26, 2010 in Iselin, New Jersey. The website is www.nationalcaregiversconference.org Please post this to your blog that way anyone intersted can attend! Thanks for helping spead the word!
Sometimes stress is too many demands on our time and our emotions. But sometimes our own run down, toxin filled and nutritionally depleated bodies are making us act and react like we are overstressed when if we were fit in every way, we could handle these life happenings more effectively and in total control. For more on building up your nutrition and improving the environment you live in go to this site. http://www.BringingWellnessHome.com/sharper
Make a habit of time management.Try yoga and meditation for fast and sure results. Make friends with whom you can discuss some points to reduce your stress.
A balanced diet is also needed in order to have a healthy body thus, healthy mind as well. You may visit this site for additional information: http://www.completedietinfo.com
There's always a time for everything. It's only a matter of time management. When you do something, do it in focus and don't think about anything else unrelated or insignificant. When you're done, move on with your next task doing the same thing...keyword is FOCUS! This way you can avoid stress because your mind is not mixed up with all things at one time.
this is a workable plan!I could call a family meeting and we could discuss this with this approach. We have tried a meeting before, but nothing much came of it, in fact some members were offended by it and i just did not know how to address the issue very well. It would be great if there was a plan to print out to bring to a family meeting with these issues addressed and spelled out like this, Hey, i could even have T-shirts made!