Caregivers who insist on time for themselves within a busy life have more energy and are better able to weather stress. And that allows them to be more reliable to those who depend on them.
Most caregivers like the idea of "me" time but are convinced they can't find it. You can! Start small, and dream big.
Use the following seven smart moves to refill your inner reservoir -- today and for the rest of your life.
1. Schedule it.
Don't postpone personal time, making it an afterthought or reward after you finish the day's business. Instead, include yourself in your must-dos when you plan the day -- ideally, early in the day so the time doesn't get overlooked. Plus you'll be better able to face the day if you're fully energized.
Pencil in even 15 minutes daily, for starters -- literally write it on your planner or daily to-do list. Commit to carving this same time out every day. Life coaches say it can take up to three weeks for a new habit to take hold. Devoting specific times to yourself helps you make "me" time a priority.
Make the break feel like an indulgence. That means no laundry or paying the bills. Think of something you enjoyed when you had more time, before your life got crazy. Maybe it's savoring a cup of tea (in a fine china cup!) and a brand-new paperback. Or setting up a craft table to pursue an art or craft you've abandoned.
In addition to a daily break, block out a larger span of time at least weekly to do something self-indulgent away from home. Get a massage or a manicure, wander the mall, attend a book group.
2. Say "no."
Not all requests are draining, of course. If you're tempted, get in the habit of replying, "I'm not sure; let me get back to you." Don't answer immediately; give yourself a cushion of time to reflect privately on whether the request will enhance your life or detract from it.
But also practice building up your "no" muscle. The more you express regrets or bow out, the easier it becomes the next time.
If you find it hard to refuse others (and this is true for many people with caregiver hearts), rehearse a few lines to fall back on: "I'd love to help, but I just have too much going on right now." Or, "I wish I could, but it will have to be another time." Humor helps: "If I take on even one more thing, my husband will divorce me and my hair will catch on fire."
Be especially protective if indulging a favor or taking on a new task would nip into your personal time. You'll never find enough time for yourself if you don't cordon it off.
I am not the main caregiver for my mother, but I love and admire all who have chosen to accept this awesome responsibility. God Bless!
My older sister has shoulder the brunt of caring for my Alziemers affected mother. She has done an excellent job, she and my other sister too. I don't know how to ever repay them. Truly, they have exhibited 'Saint-like' patience, made "genious-like" decisions and I trust them both completely. Although I am the youngest, my health is bad, and am possibly entering into early Alziemers myself. I want to say , "Thank you, Mina and Susie" I love you both beyond measure.
Looking into a local church group or the Scouts and youth groups that may require Students to earn sevice house by helping those in need..... And a wonderful idea of asking for the "Gift of Time" for birthdays, holidays these thoughts did not enter my thinking at all.... and the idea to have my own "Man Cave" is great..... Thank you
Thanks! to all of you, I agree with just about everyone. We must remember to say "No" ( not "sure I can" or " sure I will") and take of ourselves first. The more we allow others to drain us the more it will happen.
I liked the tips. I wish I could say no, when my husband asks me for help undressing him at night. I know he can do it him self, but now he has to elevate his leg and he thinks he can't do it, so he asks in a pitiful voice, "will you help me". In the morn he is so unbalanced I almost have to help him dress, because I am there putting a dressing on his sore leg. I don't get a very good start on my day, first a back ache and then no shower. I have to find a new way. The tips were great if the circumstanstances were different. I do have respite time out 3 hours a week and I love it. I plan what I am going to do all week. My husband can still go out of the house and we do a lot, but sometimes it's draining. Oh well, look on the bright side and smile, smile, smile,
Great ideas, easy to understand, too!
Hi gageandjw, Thank you very much for your comment. Here are a few links to articles we have on the subject of being paid to be a caregiver: ( http://www.caring.com/questions/how-to-become-a-paid-caregiver ), ( http://www.caring.com/questions/medicaid-caregiver-pay ), ( http://www.caring.com/questions/how-to-get-paid-to-be-a-caregiver-for-parents ). I hope those help! Take care -- Emily | Community Manager
Could you please help me out? I am a caregiver for my husband for 8 years. I have no Job, but they would like me to paid for a caregiver to help me out..... Can I get PAID for doing all the work.........
I appreciated the comments about "penciling in" the breaks and making it feel like an "indulgence". It seems that we sometimes need someone -- an expert or parental type -- to give us "permission" to do something. Now, I have that and can follow her injunctions!
this article helped me a lot I have realized I have been way too much helpfull toward mother and I need to say no more my husband has told me that before. I need to read more about this. Thanks for all the help
Good ideas in the article, and also in the comments, especially the oxygen masks first and the marathoner needing refreshments along the way. I can relate to those and will try to remember - no, I WILL remember - to give myself some "me" time in order to be a good caregiver. I can't take care of my sweet hubby if I don't take care of myself, because if I don't refill the well from time to time, it will run dry and there will be nothing to give to anyone else. Thanks to all.
It gives concrete ways to "find time" for oneself and gives permission to take it.
You had me with the first tip...Schedule it...ideally, first! Paula's right. As the day unfolds everyone else's priorities move up to the top and ours moves lower and lower until they're pushed under the carpet. If possible we need to carve out 15 minutes for ourselves each day...early enough...because WE MATTER. I'm going to take this advice and do something for myself...for an HOUR!
The many suggestions on how and what to do to relieve stress and feelings of being overwhelmed in an unchangeable situation.
Thanks for the helpful article. There are so many times I feel I'm about to implode. Especially helpful was #4 reminding us to have the senior relatives do the things they're able to do and not do all for them. Especially helpful with a mil who is appears needier than she truly is and sometimes is so hard to determine if help is needed or just encouragement to do on her own.
Thank you so much for being there. The information and sense of connection you provide is very helpful and encouraging. M
yes it was, as i was on over load, i got more sick, no family, so im it; i get books delivered to the house so i can excaape in the books, have hired help, join the ymca go twice a week for short time, best thing i did for myself. i feel new, alive''' taken me back to being human, amen'' i will be a widow soon, i cant help that, so much pain for so long, poor guy'' hang in there
Dear Mom, You are in my Heart Forever!!! Your Loving Daughter, Judith Smith Donato RMA 9/21/2010
very helpful in an easy to read format
The entire article was helpful. Great tips
The article on "Finding me time" came right on time.This experience is like a marathon. We need refreshments along the way to keep going.
We all must remember to take care of ourselves first, much like putting on our own oxygen masks first on the plane! We are no good to anyone when we have depleted our energy and resources, inluding ourselves!