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Alzheimer's Support: Featured Caregiver Conversations
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Assisted Living: Preparing for Placement
Preparing for placement. I am sewing ribbon lables on Patti's clothes. I got six of her panties done before I realized, that in a home she will only be wearing depends. Oh well, I had something to do as I lay in bed while she napped. I realize at this stage, a home would be traumatic as she wants me with her at all times. I'm planning to go for much of the day on Sundays and Wednesdays. Last Sunday from 9:00 to 4:00 went well, except our caregiver had his first experience with incontenence.
God Bless, Are you doing this right away. I know you have written about it. Hugs.
God bless. All will be okay. I placed Dad 2 months ago in a specialized Alzheimer's care unit. He' adapting well and gained some weight back. We had never seen him so squeaky clean. LOL Miss him every day but at his care needs had just gone past our ability to provide.
They do adapt better than we think they will. I cried so much (more than my mom) when I had to place her. But, what I really want to say is that permanent magic marker works well to identify their clothing. It really doesn't wash off and is simpler to do!
Did you try magic marker to identify her clothing? It works well and is so much easier!
I've had 12 years experience as a paid in-home caregiver. I have seen many cases where simple initials are ignored by care-home laundry staff; A unique color ribbon cannot be ignored, and a family member can quickly spot and ask staff to check clothing being worn by another resident.
Prayers and thoughts with you Lee as you make this change.
Bless you, Lee. I know we will be going through the same thing with Dad in the next year. Hugs to you as you go through the change. Praying for you and your wife.
I agree with the permanent markers. Also they have laundry pens that do not wash out. Sometimes those labels can be irritating to the skin.
LeeMG - WA, how is Patti doing so far? is she already in the home? My mom has been in her nursing home setting for 5 weeks now and she has done really well. Last week when I got to visit, the nurse told me she was doing well and speaking a lot more now. This week, the nurse told me that mom has come out of her shell and is very pleasant to everyone. Visibly, my mom looks better than I have seen her in such a long time. I am happy that she is happy. I believe that it took a good three or more weeks, and we did not visit her every week. She did well. Now, I would not hesitate to bring my granddaughter there to visit. There is a spacious atrium with living trees and plants and sofas and armchairs. The residents can go there and read, or families can visit there without being disturbed because it is so large. And, even though many of the residents may be incontinent, the staff is very attentive to them and there are no offensive odors. So, I have become comfortable with mom being there. It just takes time and the right circumstances. I wish you and Patti the best of luck in her transition to the home. Hugs.
Lee, you are so good to Patti. Ray wants me near him all the time and calls me if he doesn't see me so I can identify with your situation of Patti wanting you near. Your poor caregiver having a first with incontinence...can be very traumatic....hope it didn't scare him away. Caryl
I labeled most of Lynn's clothes with iron-on labels. It's been 10 months since she moved and the labels are still intact. Some items I used a "Sharpie" pen to write her name. It hasn't washed off. Jim
Placing our mom in a specialized care unit was the best thing for mom and our family. Yes, it's still difficult (she's be in just over 1 year)...the reality of it all. But, everyday and night we know that mom is safe, well-cared for, and we can help be part of her care and love on her--without reaching our wits end (which isn't good for anyone). Mom adapted fairly well and is now at a healthy weight. Hardest thing we've ever had to do. Yet, such a blessing!
I am so Glad it is working out for you. who ever you are.
Hi Lee, Thanks for posting about this transitional period with your wife. Thanks to everyone for the support and advice so far! If you feel so inclined, we encourage you to write a business review about the assisted living facility/nursing home you've placed your wife in. We know the right fit is different for each family and individual, and we believe ratings and reviews from those with firsthand experience are valuable to others with similar needs and preferences -- and helpful to service providers as well.
If you or anyone else has had first hand experience with a professional senior care provider, you may leave a review here: http://www.caring.com/review_submissions/new?utm_source=community
Don't hesitate to be in touch with us if you need any help with the process! Kind regards from the Caring Community Team
Caregiver Tips: I’ve Taken Your Advice and Patched Up Family Matters
Now for the good news.... encouraged by all your positive comments on my posting of taking my father for his early morning walk I posted it to my brothers and sisters - no response from my brother and sister, however my new found 2 brothers and sister sent me beautiful emails in reply . My oldest brother and my youngest sister are now coming to Australia from America and England to meet up with our father in early March -they know our father's situation and want to tie the bond between us - I can't stop shaking with joy.
I have to thank all my wonderful Angel friends for your support at this time - it has been so difficult with my brother and sister not reading or answering my Emails - and being able to post my daily happenings and reading your post with the challenge of dealing with AL has kept my spirits high.
There are times when I so want my brother and sister to acknowledge that my father is ok with me and his loveliness - my niece still hasn't sent my father a thank you note for the $5000.00 wedding gift - despite two or three request from me. My father loves going through his card box and I know he would love to receive a card from his grandchildren. I post him cards so that he has mail - and my daughter is great and sends at least one a week - but nothing from my family in England.
So my thanks to every feather of you - and a wheelbarrow filled with hugs from me XxX
So happy for you, CG! Sending you hugs of joy!! :)
At least something good came out of it and I am so happy with it Sending hugs to you with hope of more happiness to follow in your path Its a long road but with all of us supporting you we can all make it one day at a time
Chrissie, how good to hear about your happiness. Sending you hugs and waiting to hear later on how the meeting with the new family goes.
Chrissie sending you hugs ♥♥♥
Chrissie, so glad you have visitors coming. As for your brother and sister in England, it is their loss not knowing this wonderful Dad of theirs. Hugs,Oma
Yay for "family"! Thank you so much for sharing that with us!! You can count all of us as your sisters and brothers, too!! ♥♥♥
Doing the "happy dance" for you chrissie!! I am SO happy for all of you.
Joining in on the happy dance for you we all love you
Oh, I am so happy for you Chrissy! ♥♥♥
Oh, Chrissie, I AM the bad sister who doesn't respond to my sister's emails (she lives in Belgium) in a timely way--like for MONTHS! I'm not really sure why I put-off reading them, maybe I just feel overwhelmed and never know what will "pop out" at me when I open them.
I, too, am really glad you have family coming to visit. Will your father know them? And about that niece who isn't thanking her grandfather for an unbelievably generous wedding gift? Well, I'll just keep my thoughts to myself on THAT one. We're all so glad we can lighten your load by our support and laughter, CG! Hugs, jr ♥
So happy something good came your way Rejoice in the good and heck with the others Doing a happy dance for you
I'll join in the dancing!!! ♪♫♪
Thanks and love - Judith Forgive me - I think the situation is v. different - your husband has AL and you are caring for him - my father has Al and I send my brother and sister Emails concerning my father - never negative - as they have told me they are not interested in the downside, they never acknowledge my Emails. They are both so angry my father is being cared for by Barry and me. And his finances are being managed and administered by the Public Trustee. Despite that, they continually ask the Public Trustee for payments out of my father's funds. It is very upsetting. My sister recently asked the Public Trustee for money for each birthday of my nephews and cah for her for Christmas. Her reason was my parents always gave them money gifts and she didn't think it should stop because my father had AL - immediately my brother asked for the same amount. My valid response that we shouldn't expect any gifts was ignored. And they were given this payment. No thanks to my father from the grandchildren or my brother or sister. Neither of them seem to care - I find all this difficult to understand Xx
Fortunately - I'm too happy and excited to get tangled up with this at the moment Xx
I will respect your feelings about this and not go into it - but can I at least growl???? love ya, sistah! ♥ You're doing a terrific job with your Dad!
I'm growling too - felt good getting that out of my head and onto paper - Now back to trying to manage a Morris dance in my Arabian ruby 6" heels - inspired by 'Dorothy' they have a sequined organza overlay with bright red beads- the art deco inspired bows have red bugle beads outlined in red glass rhinestones and there is felt glued to the soles to deaden the sound of my stomping - life is good XxX
And you can walk/dance in 6" heels. Way to go.
Wow, I am impressed, Chrissie. I can hardly manage a little tiny heel without wobbling.
Do you mean to tell me that you can actually stand up in those things???? (much less, dance!!) Criminy!! I think you need to post a pic of those shoes - and then MJAngel will try to talk you out of them, for her pole dancing, when she is ready to get back to that! lol But that would mean you would have to change your avatar, and I kind of like this one! ♥
I too would like to see a picture of those shoes. Reminded that Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in heels. Credit former governor Anne Richards.
It's all fantasy my red shoes sit seductively on console table in our bedroom - I'm a birkenstock girl - I do have a bling pair of Heidi Klum birkenstocks - but my days of 6 inch heels and 12 inch skirts have long gone XxX
Oh, I am disappointed, Chrissie. Was hoping to see a photo of you in those 6 inch heels. That 12 inch skirt sounds like something I used to wear years ago too. how did I ever sit down in something like that?
I'm wearing my chunky shoes today, so I will tower over my Mom - makes me look like the Amazon that I am!! hee, hee.....now I REALLY have to get moving!! ♥ tchau!
Caring for a Parent: We’d Like to Provide Support for My Sister From Afar
My sister is 800 miles away and taking care of our mother; our two other siblings are even further away. My mother is now in latter stages of Alzheimer's and now is not eating or drinking. We would like provide some support my sister, even at a distance - does anyone have ideas?
Does she have hospice coming? Call often and give her a chance to vent, cry, laugh. Sometimes those are the things that help alot!
I agree. It helps to be able to vent to someone who cares, but is not here to help. My brother usually calls me before he calls Mom, so he can find out what's "really" going on. He doesn't try to tell me what to do, but he does sometimes have good ideas that I haven't thought of.
venting helps a lot. When my sisters had her motherinlaw we would talk at least once a week now that I am in that boat she listens to me. It also hs than bad.elps to tell of the good days. They changed my motherinlaws meds so we have more good day. My friend sent me a gift certificate for a massage and I had someone keep an eye on her for an hour and felt great when I got home.
if she is not already have some time to get away. If you all could send her resources so she could hire someone to help her then she could have some metime. It is hard taking care of someone 24/7 alone and no time off. I speak from experience.
Do call as often as you can and let her know you are there for her.
She probably could use a break for cooking etc. If there was a way you could help her there. It would have been nice if I could have called out and ordered Chinese, Pizza, anything that would deliver. once in a while.
If she is not eating or drinking, and is not on life support, We are not talking about a lot of time. Could you got and be with her so she is not alone. You do not live long without water.
Hello Anonymous, Thank you for sharing some of your caregiving challenges with us. Thanks to everyone for your valuable support and advice, so far!
As Becky mentioned before, hospice may be an option that helps your siblings take care of your mother in this state. If you have looked for hospice care yet, a great place to start would be in Caring.com's Hospice Care Directory: www.caring.com/hospices You may also look for other types of care for your mother (in-home care, home health agencies, assisted living, memory care, etc.) in our Senior Living Directory: www.caring.com/local
The following articles may also be helpful resources for you as you search for ways to provide support from a distance:
How to Provide Alzheimer's Support From a Distance: http://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-care-from-a-distance
Distance Caregiving: Advice on Looking After Someone From Afar: http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/caregiving-long-distance-advice-caring
You may always search for caregiver topics and resources by entering questions and keywords at www.caring.com/search or in the search engine at the upper right hand corner of each page. I hope this information is helpful to you in your quest for answers. Don't hesitate to contact our team if need need help finding additional resources!
Kind regards, -Sho from the Caring Community Team
Alzheimer’s Symptoms: When You’re Loved One Doesn’t Want to Go to Bed
A new thing... did any of you experience this:
Your loved one throwing a hissy fit just because you don't want to go to bed when they want to?
At 8:30pm?
We have this problem with my MIL, she thinks the caregiver that stays with her during the week is suppose to go to bed when she does at 7:00 or so, then when the caregiver wants to stay up and read my MIL pitches a fit, so she tries to turn the light off and turn on a reading light. We stay on the weekend and she gets mad because we stay up, we like to sit outside while we are there, she has threatened to lock us out if we don't come in, ha ha we have a key, and she is constantly getting up making sure we are still there and then she starts mumbling and cursing because we won't go to bed. I figure she will get over it eventually.
Oh yeah Mystic! DH tried to make me go to bed when my sister, whom I hadn't seen in years, happened to be in town for one night on her way out of the country for her job. We had exactly one night together as she would be leaving in the early morning. DH threw a fit and ordered me to get out of the family room and come to bed NOW (at 10:00PM)! We were not in ear shot of the bedroom, so we were not disturbing him, but he refused to go to bed without me. I let him get mad that night and stayed up until after midnight with my sister anyway! I never saw her again, because she died a year or so later. I am so glad I didn't go to bed that night when I was ordered to do so!
My mom really doesn't want to go to bed when I don't. She usually eventually does though because she's so sleepy. Loretta, I am glad you didn't obey and got to spend precious time with your sister.
My gma wants me 2 go 2 bed @ 9pm wen she does but I like 2 watch the news @ 10pm & have sum time 2 myself. It never happens that way but it's a nice dream..lol
I have the same problem with my mom. I have the same speech every night. "I take care of you all day and at night I have to stay up and read all my mail. Then I ask her do you not want me to listen and take care of you during the day. She'l say yes and I say well let me do what I have to do. My nightly speech....
no usually it was my son having a hissy fit that he HAD to go to bed at 8 and I didn't, of course he was 5 at the time and now he stays up until the sun comes up and sleeps the day away...payback mebe so! :) Mom would go to bed at 5 pm and wake at 11 thinking it was the next day and start calling at 2 am for whatever reason, didn't get it when we'd tell her to look out the window and it was still dark...that was a toughie to get through.
God no !! I have the opposite problem. mom never wants to go to bed. Last night I was trying to get to bed early (11) mom wasn't having any of it!! gave her a strong dose of her meds to no avail, she was going like the energizer bunny. finally at midnight I brought her up ,took care of business and put her to bed . Oh boy was she pissed at me, told me I was very mean and acted like a child having a tantrum. whew what a night !!
ps, sorry about your sister Loretta
Thanks Uncharted, but Sist passed 10 years ago, from Lung cancer. DH had early stage dementia then, and it was a rough time. He was so mean and nasty. Glad those days are over, and he is blissfully demented at this stage. As he got worse, he was up so much at night that I would have done anything to get "HIM" to go to bed so I could sleep! Guess that is what we all go through sooner or later with this disease!
yes mystic--my DH thinks when he goes to bed I'm supposed to also. At night is when I get on the computer, read and make out bills. He is up every 15 minutes saying are you going to stay up all nite? after about the 3rd time he gets really upset and says why are you even here? I just tell him I'll be to bed a lot sooner if he'll just let me finish what I'm doing. He doesn't even remember it after a while. He sleeps a lot during the day so he's not always really sleepy at nite. Life goes on. ♥♥FM
My mom is perfectly content to go to bed with her 2 doggies. She went to bed at 4:15 today because it was overcast, so it looked dark. She has her own apartment attached to ours, so she doesn't care how late we stay up. This is a bullet I have managed to dodge!
Caregiver Welcome: Looking Forward to Learning From Each of You Here
Hello! Just found this site and decided to join. Looking forward to sharing and learning from each of you.
welcome Daughter Jane hope that we can be of help. If you click on our picture you will find a bit of information about us and who we care for.
Thanks for the information. I am trying to feel my way around the stage group. It is all very foreign to me. Guess this is how my Dad feels all the time! I have not done a Bio, yet. Dad just got up, got to go!
Welcome Daughter Jane! Stop by anytime!
Dad got up and went to bathroom but is now back in bed. All is good, now. I think I am going exploring on this site and see what I can learn. Thanks for welcoming me and I look forward to more visits.
Welcome daughter. We are a group of owa (one winged angels) weneed each other to fly, also advice to rant and rave but also for a chucle. We are from all over the world. I am in Tx taking care of my dh( dear husband) who was diag. about 4 yrs ago he is stage med/ severe. Hugs Oma
Welcome DaughterJane. I am a full time caregiver for my 92 year old mom who has dementia. This site has been a life saver for me.
Welcome DaughterJane - We are all here for you - hope it will make your challenge less -take care XxX
Welcom D J, you need to let us know some thing about your situation and you will find a wealth of ideas and information here. It is a good place to blow of steam and get advice on how to handle some of the different things that will be coming along as the Az progreses give us some idea where you live, I am in central Oregon. ♥ Lou ♥
Welcome Daughter Jane, come on in sit down and share your story with us, we are all in this together. Hugs
Welcome Daughter Jane - you will find a most friendly bunch here. It is so hard being a carer - it is nice to know that there are a whole host of people watching your back in cyber-space!
You and in great company here. Everyone is so caring and kind
You`ve made a good decision DJ---and you are not here by accident ♥
Welcome Jane, you are at the right place!
Welcome Jane. This is a great site and a bunch of people that you will call friends and come to love. They are always willing to help with advice or even just a Hug when you need one. We all are caregivers of some sort and they have good advice for you when needed as usually at least aomeone has been through what you are going through.
Welcome! everyone on here are very helpful, and you can ask or say anything. venting is good for the soul. hugs to you! xoxo
I second all of the above... ...this is the best place to vent & "listen".
Welcome DJ - I take care of my 90 yr young Mom who has dementia. We live in the Hill Country of Tx - look forward to you getting to know all of us OWA.
Welcome to you, DJ!! Warm wishes and hugs coming your way from central WI! Glad you have joined us! ♥
Welcome, Daughter Jane! I care for my DH with Alzheimer's and my Mom with a variety of problems! You will be glad you found this site, I'm sure.
Welcome, DJ!
welcome DJ I am sole caregiver of my husband of 37 years he was diagnosed 3 years ago and in mid-mod stage. You do not come to this site my accident you are led here for a reason. ♥FM
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