When is Home Not the Right Place

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 11, 2016
Provijkp asked...

Our 87 year old Mom suffered a stroke about 4 months ago. She was living alone since my passed away in 2004. The stroke affected her short term memory, cognitive skills and processing abilities. She has left side neglect and vision issues. Her strength is not so good, especially when walking - so she has had physical therapy and doctors recommend her use of a walker. Sometimes she is close to being herself and other times she needs hand-holding direction with daily chores. She can handle her personal care about 90% of the time; she still has a great appetite; she needs help with setting up meds (and taking them) and needs help with her finances. I lost my job earlier this year, so I have been living with her while searching for a job in my neighborhood and hers (we live about 90 miles away from each other). I have an older brother who comes in for 1-2 hours to help during the day. How do we know if this is the best care for her? would an assisted living facility be better for her? She knows where to go "bump" in the night as she has lived in this house for over 50 years. Her doctors (and family) are all close by; but I have an assisted care facility across the street from my home 90 miles away. How do we weigh this decision? She panics when we discuss this option and sometimes packs up like she is going and then says no, she doesn't want to move. Her primary doctor tells me she needs someone to be with her, but what is the best care for her?

Community Answers

Rosar answered...


Thank you for sharing your caregiving experiences. You are facing challenging decisions and transitions. Here are resources you may find helpful: "Time For Assisted Living: 7 Signs It Is Time for Assisted Living: https://www.caring.com/articles/moving-out-relative-question. I would also encourage you to speak with one of Caring.com's Family Advisors. They can help guide you in your decision making process and locate assisted living communities in your area. Family Advisors can be reached 7 days a week at 866-824-8174. I wish you the best and please let us know if we can further assist you.

Karenlorenzo answered...

You may choose from different long term care settings based on the needs of the care recipient. if she still can handle 90% of personal care and needs assistance with household chores, then you can hire for a home health aide, but if home is no longer sufficient to meet the needs of long term care recipient, then you can choose assisted living. Here's a list of different long term care settings with the variety of services they provide so you can choose the best one that fits your mom's needs: http://www.infolongtermcare.org/long-term-care_information/types-long-term-care-facilities-settings/