What should I do if 2 of my 3 siblings are blocking my mother's entry into a Residential Care home?
My 74 year old mother had a series of strokes a year ago, resulting in Vascular Dementia. She lives by herself and is completely supported by her adult children in everything she needs to enable her to stay in her own house. Her condition has recently worsened to such a degree that one brother and I believe that she requires full-time residential nursing care. This will need to be funded by her pension and her house put on a charge to meet the care home bills. It is thought that the rental of the house wil cover this. Unfortunately my other 2 siblings are blocking this change to my mother's care despite independent medical advice. My mother's own medical assessor's have been fooled by my siblings into believing that everything is normal and that there is little that need changing. I need to know where I stand legally to ensure that my mother gets the full-time care that she obviously needs. I honestly believe now that my siblings want their inheritance protected at the expense of my mother's care despite their claims and protests to the contrary. Any advice? Thank you
Expert Answer
You mention that your siblings are blocking your mother's entry into a residential care home. This must be frustrating for you. There is not enough information for me to answer all of the issues you raise. For example, I am unfamiliar with the term "medical assessor". You also do not state the reasons why she needs residential care. If she has dementia and is unsafe being by herself, that is a valid reason to place her where she can be properly cared for by others. If it is possible to provide that care at home, it should also be considered. If the home is her only asset and she can't pay for care without rent coming in, then the issue is why your siblings are resisting the move. You have not described "independent medical advice". That needs to be clear, and in writing. If a doctor says your mother is unsafe living alone any longer, and that she needs to be placed in a facility, you should have a written report to that effect. I suggest that you get the written documentation you need first. Present it to your siblings without comment. Then, you can suggest mediation of the dispute by an independent elder mediator (mediator.com is a resource. There are others). If they continue to block getting help, I would seek assistance from professionals in the area. Does your mother have an estate attorney? Is there a clergy person who can meet with all of you? Her doctor? If all else fails, and you believe your mother is in serious and increasing danger staying alone, the last resort is to seek the advice of an elder law attorney who does guardianships (conservatorships in CA). Get advice and get going.