How can we reconnect our marriage now that MIL is in a nursing home

Thanks for the service to your mother-in-law. I would highly encourage you and your husband to celebrate the efforts you made in the past with caring for her and the continuing efforts you are making to visit her and to have her receive care in a facility that can provide the services she needs.
Although most caregivers are in good health, it is not uncommon for caregivers to have serious health problems. Research shows that caregivers:
• are more likely to be have symptoms of depression or anxiety
• are more likely to have a long-term medical problem, such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, or arthritis
• have higher levels of stress hormones
• spend more days sick with an infectious disease
• have a weaker immune response to the influenza, or flu, vaccine
• have slower wound healing
• have higher levels of obesity
• may be at higher risk for mental decline, including problems with memory and paying attention
One research study found that elderly people who felt stressed while taking care of their disabled spouses were 63 percent more likely to die within 4 years than caregivers who were not feeling stressed.
Also, caregivers report that, compared with the time before they became caregivers, they are less likely to:
• get enough sleep
• cook healthy meals
• get enough physical activity
Given this research, you and your husband need to focus on your own well-being as much as caring for your mother-in-law.
One way to give you more time and more peace of mind is to engage the services of a geriatric care manager to guide and assist you. The geriatric care manager can visit with your mother-in-law at the nursing home and as a professional can work with the facility to get the best services for your mother-in-law and report to you. These kinds of services assure you that you are getting the best care for your family member and let you focus on quality visits and not focus on business matters with your visits.
With the time you have a professional handling some of the care management, you and your husband can use this time to reconnect and do some of the things you need to do: get plenty of sleep, cook wonderful meals, go to the gym or have some long walks together. Have a date and combine a wonderful healthy meal with a fun athletic activity like bowling or dancing. Schedule these activities just like you schedule the visits to your mother-in-law.
Our parents want the best for their children. They do not want you to lose your health and well-being while caring for them. Make some time for your self!