Is it time to switch my friend's in-home care provider?
My friend is 86 years old and was diagnosed with Dementia almost shy of a year. We have had numerous problems with the in-home care provider. We have changed her companions 4 different times. If they are not bringing laundry from home, they "borrow a roll of paper towels", or whatever they see they can benefit from. The final straw was when the second care person arrived yesterday they decided to have WWF match in front of my friend and in her house. I am constantly asking them to leave her stuff alone because when the coffee has been in the same cabinet for 10 years, why the hell would you move it, especially with Dementia. And after confronting the supervisor come to find out he had told the cleaner to straighten everything up, which that is what she says when I start to express my ideas on what they are doing wrong. Do you think it's time to switch companies?
Expert Answer
It does sound as if you need to change home care providers! You need a fresh start.
But remember this: Caregivers need something they often don't get.
You can help by helping the caregiver. Create conditions for care, for gentleness, humor, compassion, energy, sympathy and tenderness.
Caregivers may have been trained by their agency. However each one needs to be oriented into your friend's world. You need to meet her there. Introduce her to your loved one. Show her around the house. Show her where things are kept.Tell the helper how difficult the dementia has been for her friends and family. Give her an idea of what works for this old woman. Does she like coffee or soda? If you have time serve tea to the person who is coming to help. Converse. Show her where she can hang her coat or sit for a break. Offer some fruit for a snack. Discuss the food situation. Will she be eating meals with the client or should she bring her own lunch? Show the new caregiver where utensils are kept and expalin the importance of putting them back so your friend can find them. (This is a big issue in many troubles between elder and helper.)
Even more important than the details: Is there some way to let her know that you appreciate her work as a caregiver to your friend. Then stay in touch. Use email. Visit for tea, not to be a watch dog. Can you and the helper take your friend out for an expedition together? Do something fun. I wish you the very best in learning how to create the conditions for care for both your friend and her helpers.