Is it inappropriate to have an Alzheimer's caregiver call me while I'm on vacation because my husband wanted to know where I was?
I am on a mini vacation from taking care of my husband with alzheimers. He is at a short care facility for respite. A few days ago the facility's social worker called because my husband was asking where I was, she gave my husband the phone to talk to me. I felt this was entirely inapppropriate and certainly sent me on a guilt trip. Was I wrong to think this inappropriate?
Expert Answer
I can certainly understand how you feel discomforted by this phone call from your husband's professional caregiver. After all, respite is for the person who is doing the primary care and who deperately needs a break to recharge. Respite is the very best means to get away from the constant need to be caring for yourself as well as a cogitively-impaired person 24/7...it gives you the ability to go on. If the facility personnel has had training in Alzheimer (AD) care (and I hope they have), then I suspect the Social Worker had tried many other responses to your hubby before calling you. He was most likely appeased by hearing your voice and able to settle in to his daily routine in the new surroundings. New environments can be very disorienting for an AD person and not knowing where his 'life line' was may have caused him to become agitated. It is appropriate for the professional to connect to you in an effort to make your husband feel more secure. Not recalling that he chatted with you on the phone, he may need to hear your voice again for reassurance that he is not abandoned or without support. Let him know you'll see him soon and that your time away is 'for you' and not about him. Don't waste time feeling guilty. You'll need this energy when you return home!