How to I get my dad to educate himself on how to care for his wife with Alzheimer's?

4 answers | Last updated: Sep 16, 2016
Little asked...

My dad is the primary care for his wife (my mother) who has Mild Alzheimer's. She has become very angry towards him. He does not know how to handle it. When I tell him not to try to reason with her he agrees but turns around and tries to reason with her. The way he is handling things is making her worse. What can I do? She wants him to die and go away........



Community Answers

Kathy s answered...

I have a cousin whose husband just passed away from Alzheimer's. She was just going from day to day not really knowing what to do. I had read a book called "Passages In Caregiving" by Gail Sheehy. It was THE best thing I'd ever read for caregivers. It's about the author's journey caring for her husband with Alzheimer's, full of tried and true information and tips. After my cousin read it, she said life became much easier and she doesn't know what she'd have done without it. Try to get him to read it. There's no arguing with an angry Alz. patient. He will only drive himself nuts.


Little answered...

Thank you Kathy S. for answer my question :) I will see if I can get a copy of the book you mentioned. Our journey has just started and we could use all the help we can get!


Dot1 answered...

Oh, I feel for your dad. I commented about my mom's experiences in the article before this one: How can I get my siblings to understand my wife and I need respite time? Mom had Alzheimer's too. Her doctor recommended "The 28 hour Day" and "Alzheimer's and Dementia-Questions you Have and Answers You Need." The first one was MOST helpful. Even though you love someone, patience can wear thin. Your dad is getting it from both sides. He has her being "stubborn" and you telling him not to try to reason with her. He loves her and this disorder is tearing at his heart. I hope you will give him attention. He needs your love now more than ever. Maybe your husband can watch Mom while you and your dad have a dinner and movie date. That would be so enjoyable for him. My dad enjoyed time with his little girl! ME. As for the reasoning, it's hard. You do not want her to believe a falsehood but no amount of correction will change it in her mind. I played the same game. At her worse, before the medicine change, she thought I was her sister. Nothing I would say would bring me into the picture. One piece of advise for him. If she refuses to take a medicine, in my case one that would put her to sleep for the night, don't attempt to put it in her mouth while she is talking...bad idea...mom clamped down on my finger nail so hard I really thought she had bitten my finger off. She would not let go so I had to slap her with the other hand for her to say "I never thought a daughter of mine would slap me" My finger came out and I never tried that one again...and she knew me that time. I should not recommend meds but she had been on airicept at her home. When with me, I took her to an Alzheimer's Clinic where they started Namenda. That gave her mind completely back to me. By then, I had made living arrangements after my doctor said I should NOT continue caring for her by myself. God answered my prayers and she really DID have her last 8 or so months where she was aware, carry on conversation and understand/reason and was happy...at 92! But those months of her living in her home and then coming to mine for about 8 months were horrible. Please give your dad some "away" time. He is trying to keep her at home because he loves her. He also feels obligated to keep her at home. When she is worse, he will have to let go and then HE can set up day residence with her in a care facility. Will be so much easier on him, you certainly do not want him to suffer a heart attack. His body and mind may be terribly tired and confused.


Bernardus answered...

it is very hart to give a answere to a letter, i have to be there my self with a problem like dementia, look for medication first ,have you try your doctor , coconut. oil, it works for many, but not all i have great sucses with it ??but talk with your doctor first, or a neuropath, it is very hi in colestoral YOU HAVE TO STUDY those problems and do not give up ,there are many help full hints on your computor some good, some not so good,there are many organesations? that can help, like the salvation army, your church bernardus


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