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How to help mom consider moving in with us?

Graygirl asked...

Mom is 90, independent. Recently rebounded from pneumonia quite nicely. She doesn't eat very sensibly, so I go over there 3 times a week to keep her in balance the best I can. Stubborn is her middle name. How can I convince mom to move in with us?

Expert Answer

Brenda Avadian, brings knowledge, hope, and joy to family caregivers for loved ones with Alzheimer's and dementia. She cared for her father with Alzheimer's and helps families one-on-one and in groups. She is the author of eight books, including the pioneering memoir "Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk through Alzheimer's and the Finding the JOY in Alzheimer's series. She presents vivid, compelling, and funny keynotes to both professional and family caregiving audiences.

It will take time and lots of patience to convince your mom to move in with you.

Before you go down this path consider your options.

  1. Can you hire in-home care help?

  2. Can you take her to adult day care?

  3. Are you really able to care for her in your own home?

Honestly answer why you want her to move in with you. Will it be easier to have her around 24-hours a day versus you visiting her three days a week to make sure she eats right and lives a more balanced life?

You may want to talk with others who are currently caregivers to weigh your options given your circumstances.

If you still decide you want her to move in with you, start with half-day visits. Then move up to an overnight visit.

Take time to build a trusting relationship with your mom so she feels confident that she will be safe with you. (This is not a reflection on you as much as it deals with her perception and feelings about you.)

My best to you on this journey. And do keep us apprised on how your journey unfolds.

Until then, here's a helpful article: Should You Move an Aging Relative Into Your Home? 10 important things to consider

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