How do I get "me time" without Mom being mad at me?
I want to go out once in awhile to a movie with my husband and my mother says she can stay by herself. How do I get her to understand I need some "me time" with my husband on a Saturday nite?
Dear Need Me time,
please know that I am in the same situation, at least you have your husband for support. But I don't have anyone, I'm 24/7 caregiver, the only time I actually have off is when I need to go to my doctor, and then my mother expects me to pick up where I left off, healthy or sick, I am 24/7 Caregiver. I do hope you get some advice that will help you get some very much deserved "me time". hugs.
Hi Need "Me" time - you mention that your mother says she can stay by herself. Are you concerned that something might 'happen' or she may call you to come home from your 'date'? How about asking a friend to come visit with her the first time you try going out to dinner and a movie with your husband? They don't need to do anything with her, just sit in a room and read a book to observe if she really needs someone with her? Maybe have a neighborhood teenager just sit and do homework while you are out with your husband. It's kind of like babysitting, but they only do something, if your mother has a problem, or could possibly hurt herself.
I'm a 24/7er myself. I have my sister or daughter watch my Mom every now and then. When I tell Mom that I'm leaving, she rocks in her chair and zones out. I have also learned NOT to tell her I'm leaving until that day. I try to keep the household busy so as to distract her and calm her down. I make up her favorite foods for them to serve her, stock the fridge and have all the household chores totally finished so they can go "play". They take Mom to the movies, shopping or out to eat. They let her cheat a little on her diet. It seems to help Mom when she thinks she's being a little 'rebel'. She looks forward to her 'adventure' ONLY when my sister or daughter show up at the house. I think she is afraid of being alone. Hopefully you (or she) has a friend, neighbor or relative that can spend a few hours with her. That will ease your mind knowing that she can't get hurt while you are away. I know it was hard for me at first, letting someone else care for Mom. I knew how to calm her down and how she likes things to be. Maybe by giving her some fun time with someone else she won't even realize that you are getting your 'me time'. I hope this helps. I'm still trying to figure this all out myself!
I love this forum! This is exactly what my husband is at.He feeds,cooks,disttributes the meds/insulin,shops,launders,cleans and does it all for his 84 year old mom.I would love more me time with like seeing a movie or a ride in the country.It would be great if my husband could do a part time job at least to get him refreshed too.
There are adult day cares where you can take your parent for the day or a few hours. Also there are adult day care providers who will come to your house for a min of hours for the day, weekly, round the clock care- Whatever your needs. Please contact your area agency on aging and they can help you find an agency, organzation to help you.
Some provide house hold chores and cooking as well. Try a live in nurse/housekeeper for a week once a month. We did that with my mother. Awesome ! She came on Monday morning and stayed til Sunday night. Evern though we were usually home on the weekend, we were still free to go out, sleep in, and relax.
24/7 care is not healthy for you or your parent. Just like with small children- Everyone needs a break once in awhile.
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