How can I get my siblings to understand my mom needs professional care?

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 13, 2016
A fellow caregiver asked...

My moms health has increasing challenges as she is almost 90 years old and lives alone. I am the closest kid so,I am there to care for her. When she talks to them on the phone just cause she sounds ok they think she is ok. Far from truth. She has increasing health issues and is not taking her mess like she should. she is stubborn and does not want to admit she needs help. she is housebound and due to increasing neurological and other health problems cannot do daily common tasks. I clean her house, garbage, wash, help her with shower etc... Siblings just don't get it!!! someone help me. I do not have power to make big decisions as that is been deemed for another sibling who lovesn1,000 miles away. vERY frustrating. please someone give me some direction.

Expert Answers

As Founder and Director of Circles of Care, Ann Cason provides caregiving, consulting, and training services to individuals and public and private organizations involved in eldercare. She is the author of Circles of Care: How to Set Up Quality Home Care for Our Elders.

Very often out of town siblings don't understand that mom needs help. Try to get professional assistance from a geriatric care manager, social worker, or nurse to assess your mother's need and write a report for your siblings.

One thing to keep in mind is that you may be doing more than is really required, or more than you are able. Even though it your mother, or especially because it is your mother, you have to set boundaries about how much you can offer. Sometimes it is better to wait until asked. You could back off and see what happens.

If she can't admit that she needs help, and at the same time is endangered, and if your brothers and sisters won't help, then she might need a guardian or some kind of protective custody.

However, public sources for help should be the last line of help. First, back off and try to develop better communication with your mother. Try getting professional assessment. With third party help, try to communicate wiith your siblings. I hope it goes well for you.

Community Answers

Caringdenise answered...

Hi anonymous, Adding to the tips you received from expert Ann Cason, here are some resources on that you may find helpful to this situation...

Hope these suggestions are helpful - thanks for asking!