How Can I Ease the Transition Into an Assisted Living Facility or Alzheimer's Unit?

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 14, 2017
A fellow caregiver asked...

My mom has refused a caregiver at home. I have taken a leave of absence from work to stay with her, to make sure she bathes, eats and takes her meds. I live 4 hours away. She is physically fine, but barely has any short term memory. Her long term memory is also effected. She doesn't think she needs help at all. She can not be reasoned with. She gets very upset when I let her know that her doctor wants someone to be with her. She screams, runs to her room and locks the door. After a while she comes out and is withdrawn, but then she is ok and has forgotten. And it starts all over again.

Expert Answers

Donna Quinn Robbins is the author of Moving Mom and Dad and On the Road of Life, Drive Yourself. She helps individuals, families, retirement communities, and corporations make successful transitions through her company, Ultimate Moves. Robbins is an active public speaker on the topic of senior transition services and has appeared on NBC's Today Show.

You and your mother really need help to deal with this. It sounds like you are dealing with a great deal of guilt because you may not have taken a leave of absence from your work to stay with your Mother. You didn't say how long the leave was. You are not equipped to handle your mother. She needs to be in a place that can take care of her and help her. You can not do that. Please find a social worker or geriatric care manager to help you. This is not a healthy situation. You may feel like you are doing the right thing but it is not the best way to handle your mother and her issues. Please take care of yourself.

Community Answers

Caring community answered...

Thank you Ms. Robbins for the expert advice! To add to Ms. Robbins' answer, has a Senior Care Directory where you can find geriatric care managers in your area by entering your city, state or zip code at Many of our listings also have ratings and reviews from people who have had first hand experiences with listed providers. This may be a good place to start your search and get in touch with geriatric care managers in your area.