Should We Bring Dad Home?

1 answer | Last updated: Sep 11, 2016
Rickyagnew asked...

my father had a stroke on may 15th 2012.he's been in a nursing home with aphasia.while he can't speak intelligibly,my mother and I are able to communicate with him clearly.he has to be fed via feeding tube thru stomach.his mind is in total tact.this includes his memory as well as his ability to think clearly.his memory is completely in tact as though he never had the stroke.he doesn't remember having the stroke however.my mother and i have been told by some that this isn't common and that we should feel blessed that his mind wasn't effected badly by the aphasia itself./my dad has recently made it clear to my mother and me that he misses playing his cd's and watching tv and being at home and part of the family,the way it all was before the stroke.he desperately wants to come home to begin his life again..my mother and I feel that this is only fair to all of us ,being that his mind is in such good condition.my dad is 95 years old btw.my mom is 89.we are told that if he comes home that we'll have to learn how to maintain his care by learning how to use the feeding tube and how to connect and disconnect etc and how to set it up to feed him.he'll only be on the machine being fed by the tube at nights as he sleeps.they said he won't need it during the day.as far as physical stress goes we're told we'll have to change his diaper about twice daily,dress and undress him and help him to the restroom..he uses a walker to walk and he has his wheelchair.he does nothing in the daytime at the nursing home but roll around the center,he walks the halls and reads a lot./my mother and I feel like we are up to dressing him & undressing him daily,connecting him to his feeding at nights and doing what's necessary to have him home for 'their' last few precious years of their lives.if my dad's mind wasn't in such great shape we might feel a bit different.but apart from his not being able to eat and drink and communicate as well,he's my dad and my mother's husband./my mother has friends who are discouraging her from bringing him home but we both want him back and he wants it as much as we do.I feel it would be a lot tougher and maybe impossible if his mind wasn't in good shape and if we were facing more strenuous circumstances regarding his daily care.but I believe my mother and I can do this.does anyone else who has been through this have any advice? do you think we're asking for a nightmare or do you think we're doing the right thing? any advice will be appreciated.



Community Answers

Rosar answered...

Hello Rickyagnew, Thank you for posting your question. I am sorry to hear of your father's stroke. Caring.com has an article that may be helpful to you as you consider moving your father home: https://www.caring.com/articles/moving-in-aging-relative-or-parent. Caring.com has Family Advisors that also can advise you and provide resources when determining care for your father. They can be reached by phone at 1-800-325-8591 7 days a week. If I can be of further assistance, please let me know.