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In-Home Care: How to Keep My House from Smelling Like a Nursing Home?
An anonymous caregiver said...
My mother is moving in with me in a few weeks. She is bedridden... I feel horrible asking this but does anyone have any recommendations for products to keep my house from smelling like a nursing home? Sharper Image or some other air purifier? Candles would be difficult because chemicals seem to aggravate our allergies. I'm open to trying anything though.
CaringDenise said...
Hi anonymous, Thanks for asking the group for suggestions. Here is some information on Caring.com that you may find helpful...
>[What Causes That "Old-Person Smell"?](https://www.caring.com/articles/old-person-smell)
>[6 Ways to Make Your House Smell Better](https://www.caring.com/articles/home-care-make-the-house-smell-better)
>[What's the best way to control odor from urinary incontinence?]( https://www.caring.com/questions/control-odor-from-urinary-incontinence)
As you begin to care for your mom, you may find that you need to involve professional caregivers, to give you some respite and/or to provide home health care. Here's how to find elder companions, in-home caregivers and home health aides in your area: [https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care](https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care) or [https://www.caring.com/local/home-health-agencies](https://www.caring.com/local/home-health-agencies)
If you don't already have experience in bathing your mom in bed, here are some tips to help you with that: [https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-give-a-bed-bath](https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-give-a-bed-bath)
I hope these suggestions are helpful to you.
pleasann3 said...
I also agree with the person before me....take out HER bathroom trash every day. I use Clorox wipes everywhere.
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pleasann3 said...
Get some lil bottles of essential oils and about 3 spay bottles. Fill bottles with water and add as much of your favorite sent...Lavender at nite, lemongrass during the day...I am a massage therapist caring for my mom with Alzhiemers, at home now for 7 years...I have used insence too...Chompa or Chi...is sweet. Are u in coachella valley...i dont know how this site works...
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Alzheimer's Caregiving: How to Keep Him Busy and Oriented at Home?
rpebbles said...
I just started taking care of my father-in-law who has the beginnings of severe alzheimers. I have tried color coding his drinking glasses for him, and I have put labels on the doors so he knows where his bathroom and bedroom are, but he still gets very confused as to which way to go in the house. He is also very bored. I give him chores or tasks to do during the day, but if I am not there with him, he can't follow through with them, and just stops and either just sits down or walks around not knowing what to do with himself. He has lost interest in reading and watching tv. I am not sure what to do to occupy some of his time, giving me a little rest period also!! We want to enroll him in day care for a couple days a week, but we are trying to get the money together for it. In the meantime, any suggestions would be wonderful..
CaringDenise said...
Thank you rpebbles for posting your questions and sharing about your caregiving experience, and thanks to all who shared such supportive and helpful comments! Here are some additional informational resources on Caring.com that may likewise be useful to you...
>The [Home Care Safety solution center](https://www.caring.com/safety-at-home) has a variety of articles and tips on this subject, including this one about home care safety for loved ones with Alzheimer's or dementia: [https://www.caring.com/articles/home-safety-for-alzheimers](https://www.caring.com/articles/home-safety-for-alzheimers)
>The local directory on Caring.com has information and [providers for adult day care](https://www.caring.com/local/adult-day-care), including a step-by-step guide for adult day care for those with Alzheimer's: [https://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-adult-daycare](https://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-adult-daycare) Your community's Area Agency on Aging may also be able to assist with referral to offline programs and services for caregivers and their loved ones: [https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging](https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging) We also have some suggestions for how to pay for adult day care: [https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-pay-for-adult-daycare](https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-pay-for-adult-daycare)
>Here are some ideas for activities you and your father-in-law may enjoy: [https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-dementia-alzheimers-patients](https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-dementia-alzheimers-patients) or [https://www.caring.com/partners/mild-moderate-alzheimers-activities/plant-an-herb-garden.html](https://www.caring.com/partners/mild-moderate-alzheimers-activities/plant-an-herb-garden.html) or [https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-alzheimers-and-dementia](https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-alzheimers-and-dementia)
>Regarding telling your father-in-law about a death in the family, here is some expert guidance on that topic: [https://www.caring.com/questions/tell-alzheimers-patient-about-death-in-the-family](https://www.caring.com/questions/tell-alzheimers-patient-about-death-in-the-family) and [https://www.caring.com/questions/alzheimers-asking-dead-relatives-answer](https://www.caring.com/questions/alzheimers-asking-dead-relatives-answer)
I hope these resources are helpful to you and your family!
dear one of Mort said...
agree
alz2011 said...
Sorry about the loss of your MIL. If your FIL can't remember her passing it is best to come up with a "lie of compassion". She went shopping, went to visit a friend or relative, went on a trip, whatever will calm him. Also telling him that you will let her know about xyz, whatever is troubling him at the time, the next time you see her is also a good one to have. There really is no point in trying to get him to remember that she died and he will relive that pain as though it just happened everytime you tell him she died. I know with my Mom I could initially say something like "Well Dad passed 2 years ago" and she would say "Oh yes I knew that". Then one time I tried it and she just broke down in tears with the most scared look on her face. She wanted to know if she had gone to the funeral, was it nice, did she have the right clothes on, did she have food for folks that came back to the house, etc....she was so upset so I never told her that again. Lies of compassion are very useful (but hard to deliver to a parent).
Long-Term Care: Visiting Dad Created "Joy to Put in Your Bucket"
jds said...
I traveled to see my dad this afternoon. He was very angry about not being able to leave the NH in the morning and it took a long time for staff to help him calm down. This was not apparent to me when I visited. One staff member used a pictured story about our family to distract him. They also had dad read a stack of greeting cards I sent him. A nurse told me dad sat for an hour reading and rereading the cards. I have been feeling lost in trying to reframe my role in his care. Their compliments warmed my heart and I felt useful again. I am reluctant to tell my siblings as I don't want them to think I am bragging. I appreciate being able to share this good news with my OWA friends.
We worked on an art project and dad matched go-together puzzles. He needed some assistance but was excited when he was successful. These accompliments made him proud! It is the first time I have seen him confident in his new setting. I am learning tips for leaving--do not say "I am going home. Good-bye. or I am leaving." I waited until dad was eating dinner, kissed him and said, "I love you." As I was walking away, he asked if I was leaving. I responded and he went back to eating. Today was exactly what I needed. I hope each of you found some "joy to put in your bucket" today! If not today....tomorrow. Hugs!!!
maryjangel said...
We have found that if we just make ourselves scarce after a bit, and leave she doesn't remember we were there at all. Yesterday, she was determined that we were going out, so we had to get one of the employees to let us out and I apologized to her b/c I saw mom get up from her chair and come after us, so I knew she would not be happy, because when we got there she was not happy. we are going to try to go earlier on the weekends to see if we just keep happening on her sundowning self. on anther note, her hair is cute cut short although I hear tell she gave the girl grief and wouldn't let her finish...ah well.
Tizzy said...
What a great positive story! Made my day jds to know that something was going right in one of the OWA's world! Sending you hugs!
Tizzy
gilwayw said...
Good news is always uplifting on this site. :-)
Managing Finances: How to Convince Loved One to Turn Over the Checkbook?
An anonymous caregiver said...
When your loved one reaches the point they can no longer keep the checkbook, what are successful techniques you can use to get them to turn it over to someone else if they are reluctant to do so.
CaringDenise said...
Great question anonymous, and thanks to all who offered their tips! Here are some additional suggestions on Caring.com...
>[3 Ways to Handle Someone With Dementia Who Can No Longer Manage Finances](https://www.caring.com/articles/indulge-money-manager-with-dementia)
>[Power of Attorney for Finances: A Step-By-Step Guide](https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-set-up-power-of-attorney-for-finances) -- an elder law attorney can also assist with helping you sort through a maze of tricky financial and legal choices: [https://www.caring.com/local/elder-law-attorneys](https://www.caring.com/local/elder-law-attorneys)
>[Wallet Smarts That Preserve an Older Adult's Dignity and Security](https://www.caring.com/articles/wallets-preserve-older-adults-dignity)
I hope these suggestions are helpful.
dear one of Mort said...
I simply diverted the mail and handled it. I also alerted the bank and took the necessary steps to limit credit card spending. This stage is very difficult.
DeSings said...
Great ideas!
Caring for a Spouse: Helping Him Through the Decline
gr8grma said...
My husband was very confused yesterday when he got up and thought he was in the wrong house. I quickly went to him and got him settled for the morning and got his coffee. He said something is happening in his brain and he feels it that he is getting worse. He said he is only going to get worse and feels in a year he will be nothing. He asked if I would be here to take care of him. I assured him I would.
cindyoh said...
Just want to say thanks to you all for being here, I learn a lot just by reading your postings, helps to know what might happen and how to deal with things that may come up. Yep, every day can be different. I thought Mom had pretty well gotten over not driving but was I wrong. She called me the other day, teary, telling me I'd "taken her life away" because we had to take her car keys (it's been well over a year now, and I actually drive her somewhere daily, 7 days a week). The trouble is we had to replace her driver license with a state ID that says in big letters NONDRIVER, and apparently she sits some evenings ruminating over this and other cards she carries in her billfold. I really don't want to take her billfold away from her yet though; she's very much still "with it" in many ways and still won't hear of moving in with me. She suddenly also has decided she has no money and has to sell her house (I get that call maybe three times a week and can't figure how she came up with that one but at least that provokes a giggle, thank God). Oh, you do get worn out from having to constantly reassure them that all will be okay. Sigh. Anyway, thanks folks, have a good day today with your loved one
gr8grma said...
My husband was much better after he was up for awhile and did good yesterday. We had company and he remembers them just fine. We all went to breakfast. He likes to go out to eat. Seems to be the thing he gets the most pleasure from.
@wanterback your posts sound so positive about your mother. I am happy for her that she is doing so much better by moving her because change is so hard on ALZ patients.
BJGARRY said...
wantherback, what encouraging news! I'm so happy for you and your mom. Just goes to show what positive, pro-active management by a loving caregiver can do for a situation that many times feels hopeless.
Great Job!
BJ
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