Alzheimer's Support Groups

If possible, keep all doors closed except the bathroom door. Keep the bathroom light on at all times so it's easier to find. I agree with the other comments that often they lose the capacity to understand tv or what they read. Music is great. Try head phones or just play music that they loved. It's amazing how much it stays in the memory. I heard a report recently of a study of how music thru headphones really helped some dementia patients reconnect with the world.

If you are able to send him to daycare, that would be really good for both of you. I felt like I was "shirking my duties" when Mom started daycare, but soon realized that she is MUCH happier being there with activities and other people. I'm a writer and need lots of quiet time, which makes me a very boring person to spend the day with.

We tried labeling with pictures and words, but for the most part that didn't work. She still gets lost and needs directions every single day. As for activities, sometimes we do little crafty kits from the store, the ones for kids --- painting magnets, stepping stones from plaster, picture frames. She can sometimes snap beans, shell peas, wash veggies and fruits, sweep, look at picture books. I have several people sending her cards, which she likes to carry around and sometimes read out loud to me. We have one window at the kitchen table where there is a tree with lots of bird feeders --- she spends a lot of time talking to the birds, describing them, counting them --- it's a daily bird show!

Getting lost in his home and even in his room is part of AD. Is he really bored or just lost? It will net get better. No matter what activity he partakes in within minutes he would forget what he was doing. I took my Dad to a Game reserve and we saw elephants, lions etc and within 30 minutes of leaving the Kruger park he had forgotten that we had been there. Music is good though.

I went through this at home with mom. It's so heart breaking but exhausting to you. When I moved her into her new place I was and am amazed at the things she can do. Symplest of crafts,bingo puzzles. Online school ideas have free down loads for painting and coloring. Paint by numbers you still can get online or at school supply places. It's just amazing the things mom does. I donated all my old school supplies and crafting stuff I don't use and both men and women are enjoying them. Mom has sever dementia doesn't know how to talk barely walks anymore can't shower herself no concept of most things but all this she does there. I posted in the beginning of this journey placing mom how I wished I would have known. My last months with her was so nuts b/c she wanted to help but couldn't. Everything broke or misplaced all the time. Dishes in garbage garbage in dishwasher etc. To see her engage in all of these things is just the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

My mom cannot do crafts but she humms, sings, walks and smiles. She loves to go out with me shopping, parks, mcdonalds everything! She plays with soft toddler toys. She just likes to hold them but she doesn't do it for long. I bought her a soft baby doll. Theory has it that having a baby doll is therapeutic for the elderly and/or AD. When I go to the NH I bring hand held pom poms and pass them out to the residents as we play music and they love it, including mom. I want to be with mom right now but my car is gone as it is being serviced. There is no bus service to the NH. :(

Is there christain church near u they should be able to give you rides. I wish my mom could do walks still. I can take her to the beach which she loves. Just trying to get her settled so go there a lot! Beach time is here this week again so I can't wait.

Never thought of asking the church; only thought of it since you mentioned it if i qualify for redi wheels etc.

Thank you for all your help and suggestions, I look forward to trying some of the idea's. How do any of you handle the question about death of a spouse. His wife died a couple of weeks ago and he doesn't remember, he constantly ask's where she is and we are not sure how to answer his question.

Sorry about the loss of your MIL. If your FIL can't remember her passing it is best to come up with a "lie of compassion". She went shopping, went to visit a friend or relative, went on a trip, whatever will calm him. Also telling him that you will let her know about xyz, whatever is troubling him at the time, the next time you see her is also a good one to have. There really is no point in trying to get him to remember that she died and he will relive that pain as though it just happened everytime you tell him she died. I know with my Mom I could initially say something like "Well Dad passed 2 years ago" and she would say "Oh yes I knew that". Then one time I tried it and she just broke down in tears with the most scared look on her face. She wanted to know if she had gone to the funeral, was it nice, did she have the right clothes on, did she have food for folks that came back to the house, etc....she was so upset so I never told her that again. Lies of compassion are very useful (but hard to deliver to a parent).

agree

Thank you rpebbles for posting your questions and sharing about your caregiving experience, and thanks to all who shared such supportive and helpful comments! Here are some additional informational resources on Caring.com that may likewise be useful to you...

The Home Care Safety solution center has a variety of articles and tips on this subject, including this one about home care safety for loved ones with Alzheimer's or dementia: https://www.caring.com/articles/home-safety-for-alzheimers

The local directory on Caring.com has information and providers for adult day care, including a step-by-step guide for adult day care for those with Alzheimer's: https://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-adult-daycare Your community's Area Agency on Aging may also be able to assist with referral to offline programs and services for caregivers and their loved ones: https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging We also have some suggestions for how to pay for adult day care: https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-pay-for-adult-daycare

Here are some ideas for activities you and your father-in-law may enjoy: https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-dementia-alzheimers-patients or https://www.caring.com/partners/mild-moderate-alzheimers-activities/plant-an-herb-garden.html or https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-alzheimers-and-dementia

Regarding telling your father-in-law about a death in the family, here is some expert guidance on that topic: https://www.caring.com/questions/tell-alzheimers-patient-about-death-in-the-family and https://www.caring.com/questions/alzheimers-asking-dead-relatives-answer

I hope these resources are helpful to you and your family!

The family story is a wonderful idea. The other thing I found helpful grounding and distracting residents when I worked at the NH was pictures and co-loges helpful to the staff too. It really helped me get to know the residents if you knew something of family history and the residents life. We had a podiatrist as a resident and we found out he loved the New Eng. Patriots and tennis and classical music. If he had a meltdown (which became violent and frequent) we put on any of the above and he would just settle right down. So jds, any thing you do like your book really helps.

Hi Jds, you are wonderful. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for that post another lil piece of knowledge in the event I have to move Mom to a facility. That is why I love this site - such wonderful caring & knowledgable angels!!

I guess knowing the right thing to do is part of the learning experience. You are doing great Jds. Hurray for you! For me I am still struggling to do the right thing. I shall get there one of these days.

and the right thing one day, may not work the next - it's in constant flux!

Good news is always uplifting on this site. :-)

What a great positive story! Made my day jds to know that something was going right in one of the OWA's world! Sending you hugs!

Tizzy

We have found that if we just make ourselves scarce after a bit, and leave she doesn't remember we were there at all. Yesterday, she was determined that we were going out, so we had to get one of the employees to let us out and I apologized to her b/c I saw mom get up from her chair and come after us, so I knew she would not be happy, because when we got there she was not happy. we are going to try to go earlier on the weekends to see if we just keep happening on her sundowning self. on anther note, her hair is cute cut short although I hear tell she gave the girl grief and wouldn't let her finish...ah well.

I simply diverted the mail and handled it. I also alerted the bank and took the necessary steps to limit credit card spending. This stage is very difficult.

Great question anonymous, and thanks to all who offered their tips! Here are some additional suggestions on Caring.com...

3 Ways to Handle Someone With Dementia Who Can No Longer Manage Finances

Power of Attorney for Finances: A Step-By-Step Guide -- an elder law attorney can also assist with helping you sort through a maze of tricky financial and legal choices: https://www.caring.com/local/elder-law-attorneys

Wallet Smarts That Preserve an Older Adult's Dignity and Security

I hope these suggestions are helpful.

wantherback, what encouraging news! I'm so happy for you and your mom. Just goes to show what positive, pro-active management by a loving caregiver can do for a situation that many times feels hopeless.

Great Job! BJ

My husband was much better after he was up for awhile and did good yesterday. We had company and he remembers them just fine. We all went to breakfast. He likes to go out to eat. Seems to be the thing he gets the most pleasure from. @wanterback your posts sound so positive about your mother. I am happy for her that she is doing so much better by moving her because change is so hard on ALZ patients.

Just want to say thanks to you all for being here, I learn a lot just by reading your postings, helps to know what might happen and how to deal with things that may come up. Yep, every day can be different. I thought Mom had pretty well gotten over not driving but was I wrong. She called me the other day, teary, telling me I'd "taken her life away" because we had to take her car keys (it's been well over a year now, and I actually drive her somewhere daily, 7 days a week). The trouble is we had to replace her driver license with a state ID that says in big letters NONDRIVER, and apparently she sits some evenings ruminating over this and other cards she carries in her billfold. I really don't want to take her billfold away from her yet though; she's very much still "with it" in many ways and still won't hear of moving in with me. She suddenly also has decided she has no money and has to sell her house (I get that call maybe three times a week and can't figure how she came up with that one but at least that provokes a giggle, thank God). Oh, you do get worn out from having to constantly reassure them that all will be okay. Sigh. Anyway, thanks folks, have a good day today with your loved one