Alzheimer's Support Groups

Hi anonymous, Thanks for asking the group for suggestions. Here is some information on Caring.com that you may find helpful...

What Causes That "Old-Person Smell"?

6 Ways to Make Your House Smell Better

What's the best way to control odor from urinary incontinence?

As you begin to care for your mom, you may find that you need to involve professional caregivers, to give you some respite and/or to provide home health care. Here's how to find elder companions, in-home caregivers and home health aides in your area: https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care or https://www.caring.com/local/home-health-agencies

If you don't already have experience in bathing your mom in bed, here are some tips to help you with that: https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-give-a-bed-bath

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you.

Thank you rpebbles for posting your questions and sharing about your caregiving experience, and thanks to all who shared such supportive and helpful comments! Here are some additional informational resources on Caring.com that may likewise be useful to you...

The Home Care Safety solution center has a variety of articles and tips on this subject, including this one about home care safety for loved ones with Alzheimer's or dementia: https://www.caring.com/articles/home-safety-for-alzheimers

The local directory on Caring.com has information and providers for adult day care, including a step-by-step guide for adult day care for those with Alzheimer's: https://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-adult-daycare Your community's Area Agency on Aging may also be able to assist with referral to offline programs and services for caregivers and their loved ones: https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging We also have some suggestions for how to pay for adult day care: https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-pay-for-adult-daycare

Here are some ideas for activities you and your father-in-law may enjoy: https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-dementia-alzheimers-patients or https://www.caring.com/partners/mild-moderate-alzheimers-activities/plant-an-herb-garden.html or https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-alzheimers-and-dementia

Regarding telling your father-in-law about a death in the family, here is some expert guidance on that topic: https://www.caring.com/questions/tell-alzheimers-patient-about-death-in-the-family and https://www.caring.com/questions/alzheimers-asking-dead-relatives-answer

I hope these resources are helpful to you and your family!

Sorry about the loss of your MIL. If your FIL can't remember her passing it is best to come up with a "lie of compassion". She went shopping, went to visit a friend or relative, went on a trip, whatever will calm him. Also telling him that you will let her know about xyz, whatever is troubling him at the time, the next time you see her is also a good one to have. There really is no point in trying to get him to remember that she died and he will relive that pain as though it just happened everytime you tell him she died. I know with my Mom I could initially say something like "Well Dad passed 2 years ago" and she would say "Oh yes I knew that". Then one time I tried it and she just broke down in tears with the most scared look on her face. She wanted to know if she had gone to the funeral, was it nice, did she have the right clothes on, did she have food for folks that came back to the house, etc....she was so upset so I never told her that again. Lies of compassion are very useful (but hard to deliver to a parent).