Alzheimer's Support Groups

Hi anonymous, Thanks for asking the group for suggestions. Here is some information on Caring.com that you may find helpful... >[What Causes That "Old-Person Smell"?](https://www.caring.com/articles/old-person-smell) >[6 Ways to Make Your House Smell Better](https://www.caring.com/articles/home-care-make-the-house-smell-better) >[What's the best way to control odor from urinary incontinence?]( https://www.caring.com/questions/control-odor-from-urinary-incontinence) As you begin to care for your mom, you may find that you need to involve professional caregivers, to give you some respite and/or to provide home health care. Here's how to find elder companions, in-home caregivers and home health aides in your area: [https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care](https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care) or [https://www.caring.com/local/home-health-agencies](https://www.caring.com/local/home-health-agencies) If you don't already have experience in bathing your mom in bed, here are some tips to help you with that: [https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-give-a-bed-bath](https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-give-a-bed-bath) I hope these suggestions are helpful to you.

I also agree with the person before me....take out HER bathroom trash every day. I use Clorox wipes everywhere. .

Get some lil bottles of essential oils and about 3 spay bottles. Fill bottles with water and add as much of your favorite sent...Lavender at nite, lemongrass during the day...I am a massage therapist caring for my mom with Alzhiemers, at home now for 7 years...I have used insence too...Chompa or Chi...is sweet. Are u in coachella valley...i dont know how this site works...

Thank you rpebbles for posting your questions and sharing about your caregiving experience, and thanks to all who shared such supportive and helpful comments! Here are some additional informational resources on Caring.com that may likewise be useful to you... >The [Home Care Safety solution center](https://www.caring.com/safety-at-home) has a variety of articles and tips on this subject, including this one about home care safety for loved ones with Alzheimer's or dementia: [https://www.caring.com/articles/home-safety-for-alzheimers](https://www.caring.com/articles/home-safety-for-alzheimers) >The local directory on Caring.com has information and [providers for adult day care](https://www.caring.com/local/adult-day-care), including a step-by-step guide for adult day care for those with Alzheimer's: [https://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-adult-daycare](https://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-adult-daycare) Your community's Area Agency on Aging may also be able to assist with referral to offline programs and services for caregivers and their loved ones: [https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging](https://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging) We also have some suggestions for how to pay for adult day care: [https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-pay-for-adult-daycare](https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-pay-for-adult-daycare) >Here are some ideas for activities you and your father-in-law may enjoy: [https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-dementia-alzheimers-patients](https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-dementia-alzheimers-patients) or [https://www.caring.com/partners/mild-moderate-alzheimers-activities/plant-an-herb-garden.html](https://www.caring.com/partners/mild-moderate-alzheimers-activities/plant-an-herb-garden.html) or [https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-alzheimers-and-dementia](https://www.caring.com/articles/activities-for-alzheimers-and-dementia) >Regarding telling your father-in-law about a death in the family, here is some expert guidance on that topic: [https://www.caring.com/questions/tell-alzheimers-patient-about-death-in-the-family](https://www.caring.com/questions/tell-alzheimers-patient-about-death-in-the-family) and [https://www.caring.com/questions/alzheimers-asking-dead-relatives-answer](https://www.caring.com/questions/alzheimers-asking-dead-relatives-answer) I hope these resources are helpful to you and your family!

agree

Sorry about the loss of your MIL. If your FIL can't remember her passing it is best to come up with a "lie of compassion". She went shopping, went to visit a friend or relative, went on a trip, whatever will calm him. Also telling him that you will let her know about xyz, whatever is troubling him at the time, the next time you see her is also a good one to have. There really is no point in trying to get him to remember that she died and he will relive that pain as though it just happened everytime you tell him she died. I know with my Mom I could initially say something like "Well Dad passed 2 years ago" and she would say "Oh yes I knew that". Then one time I tried it and she just broke down in tears with the most scared look on her face. She wanted to know if she had gone to the funeral, was it nice, did she have the right clothes on, did she have food for folks that came back to the house, etc....she was so upset so I never told her that again. Lies of compassion are very useful (but hard to deliver to a parent).

We have found that if we just make ourselves scarce after a bit, and leave she doesn't remember we were there at all. Yesterday, she was determined that we were going out, so we had to get one of the employees to let us out and I apologized to her b/c I saw mom get up from her chair and come after us, so I knew she would not be happy, because when we got there she was not happy. we are going to try to go earlier on the weekends to see if we just keep happening on her sundowning self. on anther note, her hair is cute cut short although I hear tell she gave the girl grief and wouldn't let her finish...ah well.

What a great positive story! Made my day jds to know that something was going right in one of the OWA's world! Sending you hugs! Tizzy

Good news is always uplifting on this site. :-)

Great question anonymous, and thanks to all who offered their tips! Here are some additional suggestions on Caring.com... >[3 Ways to Handle Someone With Dementia Who Can No Longer Manage Finances](https://www.caring.com/articles/indulge-money-manager-with-dementia) >[Power of Attorney for Finances: A Step-By-Step Guide](https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-set-up-power-of-attorney-for-finances) -- an elder law attorney can also assist with helping you sort through a maze of tricky financial and legal choices: [https://www.caring.com/local/elder-law-attorneys](https://www.caring.com/local/elder-law-attorneys) >[Wallet Smarts That Preserve an Older Adult's Dignity and Security](https://www.caring.com/articles/wallets-preserve-older-adults-dignity) I hope these suggestions are helpful.

I simply diverted the mail and handled it. I also alerted the bank and took the necessary steps to limit credit card spending. This stage is very difficult.

Great ideas!

Just want to say thanks to you all for being here, I learn a lot just by reading your postings, helps to know what might happen and how to deal with things that may come up. Yep, every day can be different. I thought Mom had pretty well gotten over not driving but was I wrong. She called me the other day, teary, telling me I'd "taken her life away" because we had to take her car keys (it's been well over a year now, and I actually drive her somewhere daily, 7 days a week). The trouble is we had to replace her driver license with a state ID that says in big letters NONDRIVER, and apparently she sits some evenings ruminating over this and other cards she carries in her billfold. I really don't want to take her billfold away from her yet though; she's very much still "with it" in many ways and still won't hear of moving in with me. She suddenly also has decided she has no money and has to sell her house (I get that call maybe three times a week and can't figure how she came up with that one but at least that provokes a giggle, thank God). Oh, you do get worn out from having to constantly reassure them that all will be okay. Sigh. Anyway, thanks folks, have a good day today with your loved one

My husband was much better after he was up for awhile and did good yesterday. We had company and he remembers them just fine. We all went to breakfast. He likes to go out to eat. Seems to be the thing he gets the most pleasure from. @wanterback your posts sound so positive about your mother. I am happy for her that she is doing so much better by moving her because change is so hard on ALZ patients.

wantherback, what encouraging news! I'm so happy for you and your mom. Just goes to show what positive, pro-active management by a loving caregiver can do for a situation that many times feels hopeless. Great Job! BJ