Is it time to move my grandmother into a long term care facility?

2 answers | Last updated: Sep 14, 2017
Peteypie69 asked...

At 97 i'm douting my grandmother had a TIA. If it was a stroke, what kind would it be if it left some affected speech, a stiff right leg and genral lack of doing much of antthing without help? Should I be telling my parents it's time to look for other options because with my own disablites it's gettig harder to take care of her? I know no one wants this but I also 45 and don't want to do any thing else to myself.

Expert Answers

As Founder and Director of Circles of Care, Ann Cason provides caregiving, consulting, and training services to individuals and public and private organizations involved in eldercare. She is the author of Circles of Care: How to Set Up Quality Home Care for Our Elders.


 Give yourself a gold star for helping your grandmother.  She is 97. At age 45 you could be your grandmother's protector instead of her actual care attendant.   Now she needs more than one hepler.   Could you hire a caregiver to come into your home for several hours a day to attend to her physiclal needs?   Can she afford it?  If not you will have to check to see whether your state is on  a waiver that brings the nursing home to you.)

Or you could consider some kind of adult foster care, a family style home, where there is care for only a few people.  (It is essential that the care be divided among more than one helper at this point.  If the caregiver is injured (physically or psychologically)  in the midst of taking care----no one has been helped. 

If she must go, the important point is not to just leave her there.  The age of 97 is a sensitive time when she might just give up.   She might get too spaced out and forget to come back into this very real world of old age and infirmity.   Maybe her present life holds no prospects for her.   She may be ready to let it go. 

It would be good if she could see a doctor to get a diagnosis.  Does she need a physical therapist or hospice care

If it is hospice care, you and your parents and the rest of your family should decide where you want and can afford the  the help:  home, adult care home or nursing home?

Then wherever she is living or dying, try to help her stay more present.  Surround her with things that she loves.   Think about it.    Is it  pictures of family?  Is it the feel of soft fabric?   Is it color or music or a pet?   Keep it simple, but find out.

Do not struggle or hurt your back.  Let others do the heavy lifting.  Do not compromise your state of mind with worry.   LIfe flows on.  Share a piece of apple pie.   Look at a magazine.   Ask her about the current clothing styles.  Watch a program on television together. Eat popcorn.  Sit at the window and look at the sky.  Invite the family over for a coke or a cup of coffee.   Walk outside.   Feel the fresh air, then bring it back to your grandmother. She might not be able to say it, but she will be happy that you are feeling better.   


Community Answers

Adjunct prof.rosellfernandez answered...

First of all GOD BLESS your grandmother.. her time is limited you have your life ahead of you. Treat her as a jewel. you can have a TIA that does not result in paralysis.there are cva's at that age that due to delicate blood vessels will affect different parts of your body depending on where the blood vessel leaked in the brain. 45 is a young age you have plenty of energy to take care of her. or help. you said your parents should consider putting her in a home? what are your parents then saying?

I say keep her at home. My mom was 94-blinded at 89 --urine and bowel incontinent,no longer able to walk due to the 15 falls she sustained at the Plaza Nursing home...before I rescued her. I am 62- I started-I think at 54 or so don't even remember..I began to take care of her. I almost got sick along the way -fighting legal battles -trying to move her, change her..and we still survived. Only after 7 years of intensive one on one did I begin to feel the effects. I did it ALONE.

Your grandmother is precious. At 45 I am not sure if you understand life. and am getting tired of the hospice community heaping all of this praise on the caregivers. I was one. A real one. All alone. So what? my mother whose picture you see was WORTHY OF ALL I COULD GIVE.

GOD BLESS HER, GOD BLESS HER GOD BLESS HER.I hope you live to 97. That's 52 more years.