How do I help my mother stay less stressed while caring for my father?
Terrie asked...
How do I help my mother stay less stressed while she cares for my father, who is going through the early-mild stages of dementia? My brother and I have young families! HELP!
Expert Answer
Joanne Koenig Coste is a nationally recognized expert on Alzheimer's care and an outspoken advocate for patient and family care. She is the author of Learning to Speak Alzheimer's. Also, she currently is in private practice as an Alzheimer's family therapist. Ms. Koenig Coste also serves as President of Alzheimer Consulting Associates, implementing state-of-the-art Alzheimer care throughout the United States.
Obviously you can't drop everything to help your mom 24/7, as you must also take care of your own needs. This can be a lengthy disease process and even secondary caregivers are subject to burnout. Fortunately there are several different ways you can ease her load.
- Look into ways you can simplify the number of things she's responsible for. Make sure she's using automated payment systems for household bills wherever possible, for example. Arrange for yard care, housecleaning, or online delivery of groceries.
- Direct her to your local Alzheimer's Association. There she can find valuable information about what to expect in the coming months and years, as well as local resources and support groups that can help.
- Consider an elder-care companion, someone who can spend time with your dad a few hours a week to give your mom a chance to get out of the house.
- Check out Alzheimer's day services. Also called "respite care," it's a place where your dad can go a few times a week to give your mom a break. Many areas now have programs specially designed for people with early-stage disease that provide them a chance to vent and share with people in similar circumstances.
- Provide a shoulder and an ear for your mom. Even when you can't be physically present, you can be a huge help to her by calling often and being there for her emotionally. Be sure to find a helpful ear for you too; there are many support groups that are exclusively for or include the children of an AD parent.