How can we explain to my mother that she needs help caring for my father?
My father is 88 and has Alzheimer's, and my mother is 82. She has been taking care of my father, but can barely take care of herself. At the present we are trying to sell their home on the pretense that we will buy them a home closer to us, but we are hoping they could stay living with my sister where they are currently. My mother wants her own home, but is a little forgetful herself. We are having a hard time explaining to her that she cannot take care of dad on her own. Please help me with this problem.
Expert Answer
It so very difficut to take away independence from the parent who feels that it is their responsibility to care for her husband. "Til death do us part" is taken seriously by your mothers generation. I wonder if it would be possible to have an "in-law" apartment or section of the house for their own personal space. That would give your mother a sense of having their own place but both parents would be closer to you or your sister. Mother's who are fail themselves but still wanting to care for their spouse is a sensitve situation. Make sure you all involve her in the discussions so she does not feel left out. Sometimes when parents hear that you want and need them to be closer to the family they feel as if they are not "imposing" on their children.