My mother is depressed and says she wishes to die. What can I do?

3 answers | Last updated: Sep 17, 2016
Reneelum asked...

Mom says she would do it if she wouldnt go to Hell. She has a lot of pain in her hands and knees. she is under the care of a doctor. Tried several medications. I sugessted laser therapy. She is stubborn. She and my Father have problems in thier marriag for a long time now. My Father is at his wits end. He ask me to get some advice on how we can help her. No one can do or say anything right. She crys a lot, I understand why she would be depressed, but I can not make her do anything. If we could convence her to possibly have an in home caregiver to come and help talk to her and work with her doctor would that be a good first step? She has Insurance.



Community Answers

Caring community answered...

Hello Renee,

We're sorry to hear about the situation you described with your mother. Please discuss these concerns with your mother's doctor(s), as depression is a serious health problem that requires attention and care from a doctor or licensed medical professional offline. It's not a condition that can be resolved in an online forum. If you or your mother need to speak with someone urgently, please call 911 or a toll-free crisis hotline (1-800-784-2433; 1-800-273-8255).

There are some informational resources on Caring.com that you may also find helpful:

Clinical Depression information center: https://www.caring.com/clinical-depression

Q&A with Dr. Kenneth Robbins, a geriatric psychiatrist: https://www.caring.com/experts/ken-robbins-m-d

Directory of local in-home care providers in your area: https://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care

Pain Management info center: https://www.caring.com/pain-management

Thank you for asking your question, and for your efforts to help your mother (while also taking care of yourself too).


Ggernold answered...

Hey, I so sorry to hear that she's having such a hard time! I would accompany her when she goes to the doctor. Speak to the doctor about the depression and crying that you have seen. The doctor can address this in a number of ways: 1. Prescribe medication for the depression 2. Prescribe medication for pain 3. Give her a referral for in-home care providers to help her with bathing, dressing and also keep her company so that she is not alone. 4. Help her to understand that depression is a part of having a chronic disease and that there is hope. 5. Help you not to feel alone and helpless.

When my MIL "wanted to die" and was in tears as she told me so from her chair in a very dark room, I accompanied her to the doctor and told the doctor what my MIL had said to me. The doctor helped with medication. I had to help my MIL understand that depression is not a weakness or a reason to lash out; it is just a way that people feel when they have been so sick for such a long time. The doctor was present when I said this and the doctor also backed me up at that time. The response of my MIL to take the medication that would help her out of the darkness was a Godsend.
Please don't think that her crass comments to you are indeed how she feels towards you. Many times, it is just a way for her to lash out because it makes her feel some kind of control over the situation she finds herself stuck in.
Take her to her primary care physician - and talk to the doctor in the hallway before they go in to see her. It's important to let the doctor know. It's also important to do what you need to do to celebrate and care for you!


Tnrcutler answered...

Unfortunately I am not allowed to go with her to the DR Im barely allowed to see her ,(THE guardian ) Shes about a hour and 10 minuate drive away.