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My mother lives with me and we can't agree on a temperature to keep the heat on- what can we do?

A fellow caregiver asked...

My mom has recently moved in with me and now we share a 1500 sq ft house. She is 90 and for years has kept her heat on about 78 degrees. I am 50 and minie is always set at 65. Well to accomodate my loving mother - I have moved the heat up to 74. She is always cold and I am miserably hot. It takes all my momentum and energy. This is a real problem since we have moved much of her home into mine and organization needs to be done. What solutions have folks come up with who found themselves in similar situations?

Expert Answer

As Founder and Director of Circles of Care, Ann Cason provides caregiving, consulting, and training services to individuals and public and private organizations involved in eldercare. She is the author of Circles of Care: How to Set Up Quality Home Care for Our Elders.

Many disagreements arise around the temperature in the house.   We all have our inner thermostats, there are different ideas about saving the environment, and heating costs can be so expensive.  

Poor circulation and slow walking and low energy lead to feeling cold.   Also, the general discomfort of being old sometimes makes a person want to be wrapped in a warm cocoon without any drafts, or sound or much light.  

Still, you as the caregiving daughter with so much to do and so much to heat you up, must have a cooler environment.  Being miserably hot also reduces the circulation.  

I like the idea of circulating this question around the world to other people.  The creativity of the solutions of others is like a breath of fresh air circulating through an open window.

Before the ideas start coming in I would suggest trying some of these ideas:

  • Try the thermostat on 68. 
  • Make your mother's room cozy with her own comfortable chair and a little space heater.
  • Make sure she has long underwear, little socks, sweater and even an attractive hat to wear when she sits in the living room.
  • Try to make sure that each place she sits has an afghan or shawl.
  • Find out what makes her laugh.

Try to find family or friends who will spend some time sitting with your mother: listening, reading, tending plants, or quietly holding hands.  All of the comforts of these activities will help to improve the circulation of energy in you and your mother's mutual world.   I don't know if the world hands out gold stars often enough to the precious daughters who bring their mother's home.