why is it my 70 year old father will only date women age 50...

3 answers | Last updated: Nov 16, 2016
A fellow caregiver asked...

Why is it my 70 year-old father will only date women age 50 or below?  Most of the women he meets (on the internet) are just out for the take or looking for some place to live. He is spending countless dollars on these women paying rents, car payments, taking them on vacations and buying their kids stuff while he refuses to help his own family with basic stuff like light bills or dorm payments.  When we confront him about "these nice ladies" he tells people we are jealous and worried about losing our inheritance. He uses terms like "we are going steady" or "she's had a hard life and needs me."  He met a nice lady who was 71 but to him, she was "to old" (about a 5 month age difference-but she is to old).  I live alone with my children and have a hard time making ends meet.  When I ask for help, he will suggest either going to church (give 10% and God will give you back a million-I dont believe in that) or meeting an older man so that money will not be the issue for me.  Sounds like prostitution to me.  He's even gotten involved with "Asian wife finder" deals.  I am at my wits end trying to tell him that he is not the "cat's meow."  I stopped taking out the "trash" with these women for him.  It's terrible- is he crazy?  He acts like he's 17 years old.  He will cry over them when there is breakup, throws tempertanrums and is over-sexed.  He even hit his 15 year-old granddaughter in the face with a suitcase because some woman told him it was "over."   What do I do?  How do I protect myself and my children from him?  We do not want to get stuck with the credit card bills he is running up after he dies.  We don't want his stupid drama and sure as hell don't want these "nice women" starting crap with us.  He promises to "write them into the will" if they are nice to him.  The "Asian wife" and "Russian wife" things are a nightmare.  He also laughs and tells me that he wants to die with the last dollar in his pocket and strap "his kids" with the debts.  He didn't even raise us.  We raised ourselves.  He left when we were little.  I am just sick of the drama and tired of getting blame for "breakups" and his unhappiness.



Community Answers

Jwhite answered...

The writer doesn't say whether is a man or woman or if working. I would suggest that he/she start living for self and children, get a job if not working or apply for assistance if can't work, and let the father go his own way and try not worry about what he is doing. I know it must be frustrating and hurts, but it's not like he was ever a part of their lives anyway, according to the letter.


Alissain answered...

Its obvious he is at a crisis in his life. He is already old and fears it. Women his own age only remind him of how old he is. Anyone woman 50 or younger is definitely NOT interested in a man 70 as far as a serious love relationship. From what you described its all about USE USE USE and he is being used big time. If he's also looking for "Russian" or "Asian" then all the more USE USE USE and we all know those women want their citizenship papers. Somewhere inside himself he must know this. Unfortunately if he is of sound mind you can't do anything. Sometimes reverse psychology works. Don't get involved, don't make comments, when he gets his heart broken just "I"m sorry dad, hope you feel better soon". Try that tactic. Good luck.


A fellow caregiver answered...

Why are you worrying about his behavior? If he dies with debts, you have no legal obligation to pay them, but some "common law" wife just might. His money is his money any way, and you have no right to tell him how to spend it, or to complain when he doesn't spend it on you. He is an adult, after all, even if he is acting more like an 18 year old. My guess is that the poor guy is lonely and afraid of aging -- most men are. He probably feels younger and more virile if he can get the attention of someone 20 years younger than him. That's an insecurity you can do nothing about, so you have two choices: (1) resign yourself to the situation and either live with it or remove yourself from his life; or (2) lovingly try to get him into counseling. IF he is a religious man, perhaps, he'd listen to a minister or priest. Praying and going to church yourself wouldn't hurt, either.